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Moms and Maids

MOH (Sister) Drama

Hello Knotties!

I was recently emailed a PowerPoint presentation from my MOHs about the style of dress and how they don't like what was chosen for them and the BMs. I'm not mad at them for saying that they don't like the gowns and how they feel that I have no sense of style, but I am disappointed at the way they came at me in an email. I feel that they should have said something to me at the bridal shop the week before they sent the email. The MOHs are my sisters and they could have come to me and talked to me about the gown. I think we would have been able to work it out in a calm matter instead of going at each other through email. When I did finally sit down and talk to them about it they took offense and are now not going to be in the wedding. Even my mother has threatened not to show up. Any solutions on how I can go about repairing the relationships between my sisters and my mom?
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Re: MOH (Sister) Drama

  • edited December 2011
    I have no clue how you should proceed with this matter, but I am curious about the dress.  Can you post a pic?  May we see what caused all the fuss?


  • edited December 2011
    I am surprised they are so upset that they are now not in the wedding. Has there been any other drama going on with the wedding planning?

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  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, the story's not quite adding up.  They're all quitting because they don't like the dress?  I feel like there's more to this story.  I can't really be of help with what I know at this point.
  • jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    I'm with PPs... I don't get it.

    Really over dresses?! REALLY?!? And they didn't tell you what their style preferences are WHILE you were shopping?

    I just don't get it why just that would cause such a fuss that they dropped out of the wedding and your mom even got involved and is threatening not to come to your wedding - does not add up at all. Please share more details so we can give you advice and I too want to see the dress that caused such commotion.


  • edited December 2011
    I think it's funny they did it through powerpoint presentation.  wow
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]I think it's funny they did it through powerpoint presentation.  wow
    Posted by justinsfiancee[/QUOTE]


    Perhaps they did the PP presentation to be funny - maybe that was their way of breaking the ice.  I swear I am not trying to be mean, but are you a sensitive person?  Did your reaction elevate the tension?  Do people ever walk on eggshells around you? 

    I'm grasping at straws until you give us more details...
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah I feel like you are holding back some details.  I can't imagine they didn't speak up at the bridal shop, contacted you later and said they didn't want to be in the wedding without you having done something more than picking a dress that they don't like.  


  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Below is the MOH dress (in blue and white) and BM (in pink). My colors are black and purple. My sisters feel are the MOH and they feel that both dresses don't look flattering on them and the bridesmaids. Only my sisters have chosen not to be in the wedding due to me getting on them for sending me a PowerPoint presentation when they could have come to me and talked to me. I am make a change to both sashes on the gowns, the full gown will be black with puple sash. Because I asked my sisters to be humble and go along with what I have chosen because it's my wedding and it is what I want them to wear the felt like I was coming at them wrong and that I should have taken what they said in the PowerPoint into consideration and pick a dress that they suggested. My mother chimed in b/c she feels that I am picking on my sisters and she thinks that I should have let this issue go. I can't let it go b/c it's my wedding and they should go along with what ever I want them to wear and support my decisions. The other bridesmaids are cool with wearing what ever I ask them to wear.







  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]Below is the MOH dress (in blue and white) and BM (in pink). My colors are black and purple. My sisters feel are the MOH and they feel that both dresses don't look flattering on them and the bridesmaids. Only my sisters have chosen not to be in the wedding due to me getting on them for sending me a PowerPoint presentation when they could have come to me and talked to me. I am make a change to both sashes on the gowns, the full gown will be black with puple sash. Because I asked my sisters to be humble and go along with what I have chosen because it's my wedding and it is what I want them to wear the felt like I was coming at them wrong and that I should have taken what they said in the PowerPoint into consideration and pick a dress that they suggested. My mother chimed in b/c she feels that I am picking on my sisters and she thinks that I should have let this issue go. I can't let it go b/c it's my wedding and they should go along with what ever I want them to wear and support my decisions. The other bridesmaids are cool with wearing what ever I ask them to wear.
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

    So, those are the dresses they tried on? 
    Do you think the dresses flattered their figures?
    Do your sisters have self esteem or body issues which would make them feel uncomfy wearing those dresses?
    Are you by any chance the "thin one" out of your sisters?
    Are your sisters attention whores - do you they feel they need sexier dresses?

    Again, not picking on you or your problem...just trying to understand.
  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No I'm not sensitive, and my sisters don't like confrontation they are the sensitive ones. They like to go behind your back and discuss an issue with my mother and then the double sided issue comes into play. I'm not mad that they don't want to be in the wedding, but I do think that they went over board with wanting to have a say in what they should wear. I'm not planning on replacing them I will just move my cousin in the the MOH position. There was a big argument that spun from the PP presentation b/c all I did was ask them to be humble and apologize which they feel as though they did nothing wrong. It ended with them not wanting to be in the wedding b/c they should be able to pay for a gown that they like and me not giving into their wishes so now I'm known as the wicked witch.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    They have to wear the dress and they have to pay for the dress. It may be your wedding but they should be able to get a dress that they like. I'm sure you could find a dress that you all like.


  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Sorry, but I side with bridesmaids on dress issues.  They have to wear and pay for them, they should be happy and comfortable in them.  It may be your wedding, but it's their bodies, and they're not mannequins, they're your FRIENDS.  You should absolutely be taking their feelings into account and making sure that they're still willing to speak to you after the wedding.  A lot of brides have lost friends or family over similar stupid drama.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    To LisaandCorey,

    My sisters are the skinnest of us girls. They are very much attention whores and feel as though I should pick a sexier dress. It really shouldn't matter what they want b/c its my wedding. I believe that all of this could have been resolved if they had of said something when we were at the bridal shop but b/c my finace's mother and grandmother were there they didn't feel comfortable saying anything.
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]No I'm not sensitive, and my sisters don't like confrontation they are the sensitive ones. They like to go behind your back and discuss an issue with my mother and then the double sided issue comes into play. I'm not mad that they don't want to be in the wedding, but I do think that they went over board with wanting to have a say in what they should wear. I'm not planning on replacing them I will just move my cousin in the the MOH position. There was a big argument that spun from the PP presentation b/c all I did was ask them to be humble and apologize which they feel as though they did nothing wrong. It ended with them not wanting to be in the wedding b/c they should be able to pay for a gown that they like and me not giving into their wishes so now I'm known as the wicked witch.
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]
    This IS replacing them, and very insulting.  Also, asking them to be "humble" just makes you sound ridiculously pompous, no matter how you phrased it.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • edited December 2011
    They should definitely have a say in what they have to buy/wear.  That being said, the fact that they weren't comfortable saying anything is on them.  They still could've talked to you on the phone or in person.
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  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    To BethSmiles and aerinpegadrak,

    I completely disagree. The gowns are $120 I spent more for my sisters wedding. When they tried on the gown they looked great in them. I didn't have a say on what I wanted to wear for my sisters wedding, so I don't think she needs to chime in on what she should wear to mine unless she plans on being a guest, which she is now.  Are you alllowing your MOHs and BMs to tell you what they want to wear?
  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    At Aerinpegadrak,

    Asking them to be humble doesn't make me sound like pompous or ridiclous... and you can stop chiming in now b/c nothing you say is helping the situation.

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]To LisaandCorey, My sisters are the skinnest of us girls. They are very much attention whores and feel as though I should pick a sexier dress. It really shouldn't matter what they want b/c its my wedding. I believe that all of this could have been resolved if they had of said something when we were at the bridal shop but b/c my finace's mother and grandmother were there they didn't feel comfortable saying anything.
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

    Qiana, you have to fix this with your sisters - ASAP.  They are your blood and in the big scheme of things they are more important than fashion taste.  I think you should ask them for suggestions, compromise, and ut them back in your wedding.
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]To BethSmiles and aerinpegadrak, I completely disagree. The gowns are $120 I spent more for my sisters wedding. When they tried on the gown they looked great in them. I didn't have a say on what I wanted to wear for my sisters wedding, so I don't think she needs to chime in on what she should wear to mine unless she plans on being a guest, which she is now.  Are you alllowing your MOHs and BMs to tell you what they want to wear?
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]
    Yes, actually.  I told them to wear any black dress they chose, specifically to avoid this sort of silly drama.  They looked great, and it made my life a billion times easier.  It's becoming quite common to give the bridesmaids a few guidelines (color, length, fabric, etc) and let them choose their own.

    And so what if you spent more on a dress for your sister's wedding?  That's completely irrelevant.  If you didn't like the style or weren't comfortable with the price, it was up to you to say something about it.  "It's okay for me to treat her badly because she treated me badly" is an awful philosophy.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Qiana, you have to fix this with your sisters - ASAP.  They are your blood and in the big scheme of things they are more important than fashion taste.  I think you should ask them for suggestions, compromise, and ut them back in your wedding.

    LIsa,
    I have no idea where to begin. I was thiking of inviting my sisters and mother to lunch to discuss this issue and try to move on from it. I will compromise on making alterations to the gown that I have chose but do not intend on picking another gown.
  • edited December 2011
    Although a PowerPoint might not be the best way to express their feelings, I don't personally think they did anything wrong. 

    As a good bride, you should care that they like their dresses.  You might be under the impression that being a BM means doing whatever the bride directs, but these days it's more about the honor of being a BM than the "work" or "duties" of a BM.  That means they are well within their rights to tell you they don't like the dresses you have chosen.  

    I think you should go back out with them and have them show you a couple dresses they DO like.  You don't have to choose those dresses, but you should at least get a feel for what they'd be comfortable in.  If they are too sexy or inappropriate for a wedding, there are ways to tone it down (move the neckline higher or the hemline lower) and keep them happy.  
  • edited December 2011
    I'm on the verge of spotting the problem.  Yes, your bridesmaids get a say in what they wear.  They're not mannequins, they're your nearest and dearest.  Asking them to be "humble" was an insult, to be sure.  They feel strongly about the dresses, and you're refusing to budge.

    Replacing your MOH with your cousin is even worse.  That's insulting to both your current MOH and your cousin, who will be "second choice".

    I suggest you re-think your priorities here.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    I will compromise on making alterations to the gown that I have chose but do not intend on picking another gown.
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

    You're digging in your heels for no reason.  What's more important, the feelings of your bridesmaids or some dresses?  Really.  You are in the wrong here.
  • TheCranberryTheCranberry member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think you are all over-reacting.  It's a dress!  Is it really worth fighting over?  I straddle the fence with BM dress issues.  I do think the BM's should have some say in what they wear, but I also think that if the bride feels strongly they should just wear what she wants unless there is a major issue (price, horrible color, horrible fit, etc).

    You've chosen a pretty basic dress here so I don't see why you can't allow them to pick a similar dress that they feel comfortable in.  Will another long, a-line dress in the correct color with the correct color sash really make that big a difference in the look of the wedding?  Similarly, I hate the way I look in strapless dresses, and those are not my style, but I would wear it if the bride chose it.  It's a pretty inoffensive dress.

    In the end, you have to ask yourself whether this dress is worth all of this drama in your life. 

    I agree with PP who say that this seems to be about more than just this dress.  The fact that they prepared a PowerPoint presentation is just so over the top so there must be more to this story that prompted such a pointed response.
  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yes, actually.  I told them to wear any black dress they chose, specifically to avoid this sort of silly drama.  They looked great, and it made my life a billion times easier.  It's becoming quite common to give the bridesmaids a few guidelines (color, length, fabric, etc) and let them choose their own.

    And so what if you spent more on a dress for your sister's wedding?  That's completely irrelevant.  If you didn't like the style or weren't comfortable with the price, it was up to you to say something about it.  "It's okay for me to treat her badly because she treated me badly" is an awful philosophy.


    Please start getting your fact straight before you respond. Not once did I think about treating my sister badly. If anything I have been the one that she can always run to. Glad your wedding worked out for you.
  • edited December 2011
    Quiana--there's a "quote" button in the bar below where the replies go.  It helps to use it, because otherwise, your posts are confusing about who is saying what.

    You are treating your sisters badly by not taking their feelings into consideration.
  • edited December 2011
    Under any other circumstances would you ask friends to wear a dress they don't like? No, you wouldn't (I hope) so in asking your sisters to do so you are treating them badly.  
  • kimp67kimp67 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Why can't you pick the color & let them pick their own dresses?
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    OP- I think you are getting too caught up in the "its my wedding dammit" aspect of this.  Every wedding I have been in I've been told to buy a dress that was $200 or more, and that I could never wear again.  Most of my BMs were those brides with the $200 dresses, but that didn't mean I had to do that with them.  The dresses I picked were $135 from David's Bridal, and I let them pick from several short black dresses.  3 had one style, 2 had another.  My BMs were so ridiculously happy to be able to pick their own dress out, and they all opted for one they would get further use out of.  I don't care if its my wedding, if they are apending $135 on a dress, I want them to like it. 

    With your overreaction to the Powerpoint, I'm not surprised that they went about it that way.  I can only imagine what your reaction would be if they said it to your face.  And yes, if someone asked me to "be humble and apologize" for something I wasn't in the wrong for, I most certainly wouldn't apologize, and would probably back out of the wedding if that was going to be your reaction.  Its like you are requiring your sisters and friends to bow to your wishes since its your wedding.  I have news for you, your wedding is ONE DAY, they are your sisters for life. 

    Will it really ruin your wedding to let them pick out a dress they like in the color you choose?  While you think that changing a sash or something else about the dress is compromising, its really not.  If they don't like the dress a different sash won't change that. 

    And as for Aerin's comment about treating them badly, you demanding they wear something that they have told you they don't like or aren't comfortable in is treating them badly. 

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  • edited December 2011
    I do think it was a pretty steep over-reaction on your sisters' parts to make a PowerPoint presentation about your dress.  It's kind of an immature move especially when it sounds like they had plenty of opportunities to give input on the dress choice.

    I don't think this is really worth any further drama over though.  This is a pretty basic dress that I'm sure you could find somehing that is a compromise between what you and your BM's want (ie adding straps, losing the sash, etc).  I would find out exactly what they didn't like (maybe you can reference the stupid PPoint presentation) and go from there. 
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