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Moms and Maids

MOH (Sister) Drama

2

Re: MOH (Sister) Drama

  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    OP - you're stumbling into bridezilla territory. The whole "It's my day, they should wear what I want." is BS. The day is not just about you and what people wear, it's about you and your FI pledging to spend the rest of your lives together. The dresses DON'T matter. You should just give them a color and let them choose a dress. If they feel this strongly about it and are willing to step down from the bridal party, that should be a wake-up call. These are your sisters. I cannot believe you would be ok with them not being in your wedding overa stupid dress. You're out of line. Listen to what others (yes, even Aerin, because she makes a valid point), and get the ridiculous idea of your BP matching out of your head. Your risking creating a huge family rift over dresses. it's not worth it.

    ETA: FWIW I don't think they should have approached this situation through a power point presentation, but you're not handling the situation well either.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]Qiana, you have to fix this with your sisters - ASAP.  They are your blood and in the big scheme of things they are more important than fashion taste.  I think you should ask them for suggestions, compromise, and ut them back in your wedding. LIsa, I have no idea where to begin. I was thiking of inviting my sisters and mother to lunch to discuss this issue and try to move on from it. I will compromise on making alterations to the gown that I have chose but do not intend on picking another gown.
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]


    I think you should be open to the possibility of picking another dress.  I wish I had sisters, Qiana.  I'm not as lucky as you.  Find some way to compromise other than alterations.  Put all of your anger aside and really think about  how you will feel without your sisters in your bridal party.  If you feel they are being petty, you should be the bigger person.

    P.S. - Please tell me you have not told your mother or fmil what to wear?  That's territory you REALLY don't want to mess with!
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    The long and the short of it is that you are taking your wedding waaaaaaaay too seriously.  Take the marriage seriously, but you need to keep in mind that the wedding is a one-day party and not worth this.

    If you spent half the same energy on your friendships and relationships as you are on getting the wedding "perfect", you would be much happier.  Instead you are letting them suffer for the sake of a dress and some control issues you seem to need to work out.  But friends don't ask friends to just "suck it up and deal because this is what I want", and friendship also runs both ways.  Be a good friend, your friends will be good to you.  Make ridiculous demands of them and they'll run for the hills.  It's not that complicated.

    Also, if mom is threatening to not show up because of your behaviour, that should be a HUGE wake-up call for you.  
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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  • edited December 2011
    Haven't read all the responses but I think it's more than just dresses and more about how you interact with them. I don't care what they did, asking someone to "be humble" and apologize would come across to me as condescending and suggests that maybe you should be humble enough to think that maybe this fallout is at least partially your fauly. Also, when your refer to them here as "attention whores" some of that has to come out when you're talking to them.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I think I figured out why they made their argument, using powerpoint. They knew you would react without listening to them. If the dresses are more important to you than your sisters' feelings, then it's probably in their best interest to withdraw from your wedding, anyway.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    I think part of your refusal to select a different dress stems from your anger about the fact that you were not able to choose your dress/give your input on your BM dresses for your sisters' weddings.  Maybe they were bridezillas and demanded that you wear a dress you hated/felt uncomfortable in.

    Anyway, I suggest you give them guidelines (color, length) and let them pick their own dress.  Or maybe pick out a few dresses you like and let them choose between those.  Ditto PPs and find out exactly what it is about the dress that your sisters don't like and then try to pick something they would like.

    The dresses really are not a big issue.  You will not be wearing the dress, so what does it matter? 
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]At Aerinpegadrak, Asking them to be humble doesn't make me sound like pompous or ridiclous... and you can stop chiming in now b/c nothing you say is helping the situation.
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

    Aerin was giving you good advice.  You're just not listening to it.
  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]Quiana--there's a "quote" button in the bar below where the replies go.  It helps to use it, because otherwise, your posts are confusing about who is saying what. You are treating your sisters badly by not taking their feelings into consideration.
    Posted by deepcovejackie[/QUOTE]

    Get the spelling correct
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Get the spelling correct
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]
    Yeah, Jackie, be humble and apologize for spelling her name wrong.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]I think part of your refusal to select a different dress stems from your anger about the fact that you were not able to choose your dress/give your input on your BM dresses for your sisters' weddings.  Maybe they were bridezillas and demanded that you wear a dress you hated/felt uncomfortable in. Anyway, I suggest you give them guidelines (color, length) and let them pick their own dress.  Or maybe pick out a few dresses you like and let them choose between those.  Ditto PPs and find out exactly what it is about the dress that your sisters don't like and then try to pick something they would like. The dresses really are not a big issue.  You will not be wearing the dress, so what does it matter? 
    Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]


    Even though I didn't like the dress my sister picked out I happily wore it with out a problem... I can see that there are a number of loosey goosey brides on here.
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Even though I didn't like the dress my sister picked out I happily wore it with out a problem... I can see that there are a number of loosey goosey brides on here.
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]
    Yeah, being considerate of our family and friends is SO loosey-goosey of us.  
    Is it too crazy to admit that I not only let my BMs pick out the style, I let them pick the color?  Even crazier that I have no regrets and actually liked what they chose?  Too much?  
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Get the spelling correct
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

    You aren't getting the responses and validation you hoped for, so now you are going to criticize someone for spelling your name wrong?  I would have spelled it that way too, since I have seen a Q without a u after it. 
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Get the spelling correct
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

    I think you're angry that you're not getting the validation you came here looking for.  *head desk*
  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]OP - you're stumbling into bridezilla territory. The whole "It's my day, they should wear what I want." is BS. The day is not just about you and what people wear, it's about you and your FI pledging to spend the rest of your lives together. The dresses DON'T matter. You should just give them a color and let them choose a dress. If they feel this strongly about it and are willing to step down from the bridal party, that should be a wake-up call. These are your sisters. I cannot believe you would be ok with them not being in your wedding overa stupid dress. You're out of line. Listen to what others (yes, even Aerin, because she makes a valid point), and get the ridiculous idea of your BP matching out of your head. Your risking creating a huge family rift over dresses. it's not worth it. ETA: FWIW I don't think they should have approached this situation through a power point presentation, but you're not handling the situation well either.
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

    Definitely wouldn't say bridezillia b/c I'm only asking them to do one thing. Glad you brought up the point about my FI he agrees with me and we actually picked out the gown together. The day is suppose to be about him and I and what we want not what others want. And the other girls are cool with the gown, so it really shouldn't be an issue. Again I really don't think what you are saying or Aerin is saying is good advice more like criticism.  
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Even though I didn't like the dress my sister picked out I happily wore it with out a problem... I can see that there are a number of loosey goosey brides on here.
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

    I have also done that for brides for that wedding, and spent ridiculous amounts of money on a dress that I wasn't crazy about and I'll never wear again.  You know from your experience that it sucks, so why would you want to do it to them?  And while you chose not to say anything to them, that doesn't make them bad people for saying it to you.  It makes you a bridezilla though if you ignore all of their wishes and stick with your "but its my wedding day" attitude.
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]I do think it was a pretty steep over-reaction on your sisters' parts to make a PowerPoint presentation about your dress.  It's kind of an immature move especially when it sounds like they had plenty of opportunities to give input on the dress choice. I don't think this is really worth any further drama over though.  This is a pretty basic dress that I'm sure you could find somehing that is a compromise between what you and your BM's want (ie adding straps, losing the sash, etc).  I would find out exactly what they didn't like (maybe you can reference the stupid PPoint presentation) and go from there. 
    Posted by eshaufle[/QUOTE]

    Before the PP was sent out I did agree to make changes to the sash, but I guess that wasn't good enough.
  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Yeah, Jackie, be humble and apologize for spelling her name wrong.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]


    I can see why they call you babling brooke
  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Aerin was giving you good advice.  You're just not listening to it.
    Posted by deepcovejackie[/QUOTE]

    More like criticism 
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Definitely wouldn't say bridezillia b/c I'm only asking them to do one thing. Glad you brought up the point about my FI he agrees with me and we actually picked out the gown together. The day is suppose to be about him and I and what we want not what others want. And the other girls are cool with the gown, so it really shouldn't be an issue. Again I really don't think what you are saying or Aerin is saying is good advice more like criticism.  
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]
    And that's where you're wrong.  When it starts to negatively impact other people, it stops being about you and what you want.  

    Sometimes the best advice is to tell you what you don't want to hear.  We're trying to stop you from permanently damaging your relationships over a dress and some crazy ideas about what powers your engagement ring bestows on you.  Call it whatever you want, it's not like everyone's ganging up on you for the hell of it.  You are objectively treating your family like crap and are justifying it with the worst possible excuse: it's "your day" and they just need to deal.  NO ONE should EVER say that.  You decided to suck it up.  Others don't.  Just because you agreed to it doesn't mean you get to expect others to agree to it.  Two wrongs dont' make a right here.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Definitely wouldn't say bridezillia b/c I'm only asking them to do one thing. Glad you brought up the point about my FI he agrees with me and we actually picked out the gown together. The day is suppose to be about him and I and what we want not what others want. And the other girls are cool with the gown, so it really shouldn't be an issue. Again I really don't think what you are saying or Aerin is saying is good advice more like criticism.  
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

    The minute you invite others to your wedding and ask others to be in your wedding, it is no longer just about what you and he want.  Would you invite your vegetarian friends for dinner and only serve hamburgers because thats what you want? 

    And yes, you are getting good advice.  What you are not getting is validation for insisting they wear the dress you picked, which is what you really want. 
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Before the PP was sent out I did agree to make changes to the sash, but I guess that wasn't good enough.
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]

    The sash is just a sash, it doesn't change the dress.  Offering to change the sash is like offering to change the tires on a car you don't like.  It doesn't change the car, just a tiny detail of it.
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If your BMs are telling you that the dress is a problem ... and everyone HERE is telling you that the dress is a problem ...

    Then I very much doubt that you are the only one who's correct in this situation and everyone else is just being a mean doo-doo head.
    image
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    When you dreamed about your wedding, did you dream about a specific dress or the people wearing it?  Seems like the former is worth compromising on for the sake of the latter.  You're losing perspective here and it's going to come back to bite you.

    If you haven't noticed already, getting them to wear the dress would be a pyrrhic victory at this point.  You've already lost, might as well try to rebuild. 
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I want my bridesmaids to be comfortable and happy regardless of what dress they wear. I'm picking the color, but then asking them to pick out the dress itself. I advise you do the same since they are obviously uncomfortable with the one you picked.

    Sorry your sisters dictated the dress you wore in their weddings, but you should be the bigger person and let them be comfortable.

  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : I think you should be open to the possibility of picking another dress.  I wish I had sisters, Qiana.  I'm not as lucky as you.  Find some way to compromise other than alterations.  Put all of your anger aside and really think about  how you will feel without your sisters in your bridal party.  If you feel they are being petty, you should be the bigger person. P.S. - Please tell me you have not told your mother or fmil what to wear?  That's territory you REALLY don't want to mess with!
    Posted by lisaandcorey[/QUOTE]

    No I haven't told my mother what to wear or other family members.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama : Definitely wouldn't say bridezillia b/c I'm only asking them to do one thing. Glad you brought up the point about my FI he agrees with me and we actually picked out the gown together. The day is suppose to be about him and I and what we want not what others want. And the other girls are cool with the gown, so it really shouldn't be an issue. Again I really don't think what you are saying or Aerin is saying is good advice more like criticism.  
    Posted by QianaJustin[/QUOTE]
    Quiana, since your BMs are cool with the dress you picked out for them, then that's fine.  Your sisters should not dictate what your other BMs are wearing if they are comfortable with it.

    Find out what your sisters don't like about the dress you picked for them, and pick something else with them.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    PowerPoint seems like an unusual way for them to tell you they don't like the dress.  You said they're the sensitive ones.  Maybe they're more comfortable putting things in writting.  I don't know why they didn't just send a regular email - did they include figures in the PP?

    Anway, don't make them wear something they aren't comfortable in.  You don't have to put them in something sexy (I think you said their AW?), but you can give them 3-4 options.  Is there something in particular they don't like?
  • edited December 2011
    Trying to compromise by saying you'll change the sash is not really what we meant.  What we meant is to try and find out what they dislike about the dress (sash was just an example but maybe it's the cut, straps, etc) and then working to compromise.  Compromising with yourself is not a compromise.  Both you and your sisters should have input and I'm confident that all of you can work together to find a solution that works.

    It's just a dress and should really not be so complicated.
  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOH (Sister) Drama:
    [QUOTE]PowerPoint seems like an unusual way for them to tell you they don't like the dress.  You said they're the sensitive ones.  Maybe they're more comfortable putting things in writting.  I don't know why they didn't just send a regular email - did they include figures in the PP? Anway, don't make them wear something they aren't comfortable in.  You don't have to put them in something sexy (I think you said their AW?), but you can give them 3-4 options.  Is there something in particular they don't like?
    Posted by jenn.daniel[/QUOTE]

    They feel that it's too old fashioned, but my wedding theme is vintage. In their PP they put gowns that they would like to wear and gowns they think that the BMs should wear.  The gowns they chose were very similar to what I asked of them, and more expensive. I was trying not to have them pay such a hefty cost.
  • QianaJustinQianaJustin member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This is what they chose:



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