Moms and Maids

Really?

So, I'm well aware that BMs are not free labor, and that the wedding is mine and my FI's. However, two of my four BMs are acting like they're meant to be my slaves. I went to a bridal fair with them back in september, and any time vendors gave me stuff, they'd immediately snatch it out of my hands and insist that "We're the bridesmaids, we can carry it". I made it very clear to my BMs that I won't choose a dress unless everybody is happy with it. I decided to go the online ordering route, so I sent my BMs (who are spread far and wide), lots of different links to dresses I liked, and told them to tell me if they saw something they liked. My FSIL is very sensitive about her body (for no reason, I assure you!), and I especially don't want her to feel uncomfortable. My two BMs whom I will now refer to as Friend #1 and Friend # 2 both responded telling me that as a bride, I should be saying that they'll wear what I tell them to wear, and like it.

This whole thing makes me uncomfortable; I'm not used to so much attention and I really don't want to turn into a bridezilla. I've told Friend #1 and Friend #2 that just because they're BMs, they don't need to act like slaves. Friend #1, whose never been in a wedding, says that I just need to get used to it. Friend #2 was a bridesmaid a couple years ago in her sister's wedding, who was a self proclaimed zilla. I fear that this has made Friend #2 expect that BMs are really required to act like ladies in waiting. I feel like if I say anything more, I'll come off as ungrateful, because they've helped so much already, but this has got to stop. I feel like the next thing I know, they'll be lying over rain puddles for me and tasting my food for poison!

Re: Really?

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7c5efbc8-4bea-45e5-b71d-5b20aecb3418Post:c5c33e5b-f860-4662-83f1-f87a40401b03">Really?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, I'm well aware that BMs are not free labor, and that the wedding is mine and my FI's. However, two of my four BMs are acting like they're meant to be my slaves. I went to a bridal fair with them back in september, and any time vendors gave me stuff, they'd immediately snatch it out of my hands and insist that "We're the bridesmaids, we can carry it". I made it very clear to my BMs that I won't choose a dress unless everybody is happy with it. I decided to go the online ordering route, so I sent my BMs (who are spread far and wide), lots of different links to dresses I liked, and told them to tell me if they saw something they liked. My FSIL is very sensitive about her body (for no reason, I assure you!), and I especially don't want her to feel uncomfortable. My two BMs whom I will now refer to as Friend #1 and Friend # 2 both responded telling me that as a bride, I should be saying that they'll wear what I tell them to wear, and like it. This whole thing makes me uncomfortable; I'm not used to so much attention and I really don't want to turn into a bridezilla. I've told Friend #1 and Friend #2 that just because they're BMs, they don't need to act like slaves. Friend #1, whose never been in a wedding, says that I just need to get used to it. Friend #2 was a bridesmaid a couple years ago in her sister's wedding, who was a self proclaimed zilla. I fear that this has made Friend #2 expect that BMs are really required to act like ladies in waiting. I feel like if I say anything more, I'll come off as ungrateful, because they've helped so much already, but this has got to stop. I feel like the next thing I know, they'll be lying over rain puddles for me and tasting my food for poison!
    Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

    <div>Accept their kindness when it's warranted - for example, with the dress, if they're deferring to you, just let the other two BMs pick the dress and tell the first two to order what the others picked.  The main thing, I'd say, is to just make sure you don't take advantage of them - don't ask them to do anything you wouldn't ask the other two BMs to do, and you'll be fine.</div>
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  • edited December 2011
    Different people have different comfort levels. If there weren't at least some bridesmaids who wanted to help with everything, we wouldn't now have brides that expect it ;-) Accept what help you're willing to let them offer with good grace, and assure them that the rest has been taken care of.  And kudos for not getting swept away in the hype yourself.
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  • edited December 2011
    Aww it sounds like they are just reallly excited for you and want to help. As long as you're not taking advantage of them, which it certainly doesn't sound like you are, try and let them be involved and help. And as a PP mentioned, for stuff that you feel uncomfortable accepting their help with, just tell them it's already been handled.

    I can definitely sympathize with you though. On my first day of dress shopping, my MOH would not let me hold or carry a single dress that I pulled from the racks, insisting it was her job. When I told her it was completely uneccessary and that she is my MOH not my servant, she yelled at me not to take this experience away from her lol. (We have a very open friendship, this was all said in humor, not in a nasty way)
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with PPs. They're just trying to be helpful.

    Just because "No one cares about your wedding as much as you do" doesn't mean your wedding isn't fun and exciting for your friends and family. Let them have that fun and excitement.

    My rule on asking bridesmaids (sisters) and other family for wedding help is if it's the kind of thing I'd ask them to do in non-wedding life, it's OK to ask them for help in the wedding context. So, my baby sister regularly decorates things for me for fun, so I asked her to decorate a card basket. My little sister regularly plans family outings and vacations, so I asked for her help tracking down local bridal salons and fabric stores for all the girls to visit together.
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