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Moms and Maids
HELP! wedding less then one month away, Bridal shower was a disaster, MOM n SIS being horrible to me
Help! I don't know what to do, I am so hurt and really need advice. There's a LOT of details/backstory, but will try to get to the point. My mother basically told me that she is too busy and that I would basically need to plan my wedding all by myself. Also said what I wanted is fine as long as its within reason and within our budget.
I was my sister's MOH for her wedding, so she is mine for my wedding.
My FMIL and Fsis in laws have been wonderful and sooo helpful in helping me plan. My FSIL even offered to throw me a bridal shower, (My MOH -sis said that she didn't have one so I don't need to have one. Also said she didn't really want to plan it because she had just planned multiple babyshowers for her friends, so she's "All showered out". My Sis told my FSIL that no worries, and she would be happy to let FSIL plan bridal shower.
My whole wedding process I feel has been overshadowed becuse my mother and sister have been non-existent. I have the help and sooo much support from my future in laws and all their friends.
My sister and Mom scoff and roll their eyes everytime I mention my wedding--which I barely dare to do because I know they are sooo not into it. I am so blessed and appreciative of my FILaws, but am still being eaten up inside because my family couldn't care less.
*another subj off the point: My sis married her high school sweetheart when they were really young (and I support all those that do n who have a happy marriage!), but in this case they were not right for eachother and rushed into just because... and are on the brink of divorce, fight like cats n dogs and have a one year old child)
I have reached out and have given her all my support 100% when she needed a shoulder to cry on, but it just sems anything she isn't receiving attention or credit for, she wants nothing to do with it. If its not about her and her child, she doesn't give a S***.
Back to bridal shower:
So bridal shower day came and I was sooo excited! my FMIL and FSIL worked so hard to plan and make it special for me. Anyways, my sister (MOH) and mom waltz in 40 mins late, (we were all sitting around wondering where the mother of the bride and MOH were?!)
came in unapologetically, my sister managed to mutter, "hi." to me and ignores me the ENTIRE TIME! Mom and sis didn't say they were happy for me, or anything! My mom sat by her friend and made zero effort to introduce herself to any of the other guests. My sister ignored me, and as soon as she walked in and saw my friend, she said, "Hi! come sit by me! She then preceded the entire time to talk about the joys of mother hood and blah b lah blah, (My friend is 6 months preg). She did not say one more word to me the entire time. My FSIL came up to her to say hello/chat, and my sister just flat out ignored her and acted like she wasn't even standing there. MY mom and MOH-sis didn't bring me a single gift...not even a card!
*We also requested no babies....what does my MOH/sis do? brings her child, and it is in a restaurant where he is terrorizing everything, throwing my gifts on the floor and she is just laughing and not even picking them up.
Then we are opening gifts, I am trying to put on a happy face and to hold it together, My SIs and Mom slink off way far away from me and all my guests to watch from waaaay across the room. It was soooo awkward, she's the MOH! and everyone is sitting on one side of the showroom (it was a large room) and they are sulking in the corner away from everyone. Then my sister barely says bye and tels me that they are leaving. One of my guests who my sister never met, tried to say, "Bye it was nice to meet you!" as she was stalking off, and my sister flat out ignored her without looking back.
The entire time I tried to talk to mom and sis, they gave me very short responses. I am so hurt and worried now for rehearsal dinner....my Future husband's family are from out of state andI have not even met all of them. I don't want my sis n mom making faces and being rude to them. There is clearly some reason why they are upset, but I have been very mellow about all this and just feel I can't take it anymore! It would be one thing if I have been a bridezilla, but I know I am not being completely unreasonable. I have have tried numerous times to include them, but they want nothing to do with me or my wedding.
I know she is miserable in her marriage, I am not gloating or rubbing anything in her face. I told her if she was too busy and did not want to take on all the MOH duties (she said that w a one yr old she was too busy), that I was fine with that and would have the other bridesmaids take on some of them. Now all of a sudden she's pissed.
My bachleorette party is in two weeks...what has she planned or done?.....NOTHING! to top it all off she is basically making it a party for herself and all about her! She told me the guest list (I provided her with a list of all my close friends and FSIL's) and when she showed me the "updated" list it included an entourage of 12 firiends from her work who I have never even met in my entire life! And now she's complaining that its getting too expensive. You think? She only wants to go where her and her friends want to go. I am now working with one of my friends to throw something really quickly together. HELP!
I never mentioned shower issue to her, because I know she will run to my mom and it may make things worse. I was her MOH and fulfilled all my duties and was basically her slave AND did everything exactly as she wanted. I planned a beautiful baby shower for her. I just don't know what to do anymoe. I feel like she's on a mission and I don't know to let it blow over and just focus on myself and my big day. Or if I should try to have a heart to heart with her. She is my sister and I just don't understand why or how she could be so mean. this is the most important day of my life...If I choose to not mention anything...should I bring it up after the wedding is over? I feel like I have a right to say something to her, PLEASE HELP!!!!! ANYONE W ADVICE
I was my sister's MOH for her wedding, so she is mine for my wedding.
My FMIL and Fsis in laws have been wonderful and sooo helpful in helping me plan. My FSIL even offered to throw me a bridal shower, (My MOH -sis said that she didn't have one so I don't need to have one. Also said she didn't really want to plan it because she had just planned multiple babyshowers for her friends, so she's "All showered out". My Sis told my FSIL that no worries, and she would be happy to let FSIL plan bridal shower.
My whole wedding process I feel has been overshadowed becuse my mother and sister have been non-existent. I have the help and sooo much support from my future in laws and all their friends.
My sister and Mom scoff and roll their eyes everytime I mention my wedding--which I barely dare to do because I know they are sooo not into it. I am so blessed and appreciative of my FILaws, but am still being eaten up inside because my family couldn't care less.
*another subj off the point: My sis married her high school sweetheart when they were really young (and I support all those that do n who have a happy marriage!), but in this case they were not right for eachother and rushed into just because... and are on the brink of divorce, fight like cats n dogs and have a one year old child)
I have reached out and have given her all my support 100% when she needed a shoulder to cry on, but it just sems anything she isn't receiving attention or credit for, she wants nothing to do with it. If its not about her and her child, she doesn't give a S***.
Back to bridal shower:
So bridal shower day came and I was sooo excited! my FMIL and FSIL worked so hard to plan and make it special for me. Anyways, my sister (MOH) and mom waltz in 40 mins late, (we were all sitting around wondering where the mother of the bride and MOH were?!)
came in unapologetically, my sister managed to mutter, "hi." to me and ignores me the ENTIRE TIME! Mom and sis didn't say they were happy for me, or anything! My mom sat by her friend and made zero effort to introduce herself to any of the other guests. My sister ignored me, and as soon as she walked in and saw my friend, she said, "Hi! come sit by me! She then preceded the entire time to talk about the joys of mother hood and blah b lah blah, (My friend is 6 months preg). She did not say one more word to me the entire time. My FSIL came up to her to say hello/chat, and my sister just flat out ignored her and acted like she wasn't even standing there. MY mom and MOH-sis didn't bring me a single gift...not even a card!
*We also requested no babies....what does my MOH/sis do? brings her child, and it is in a restaurant where he is terrorizing everything, throwing my gifts on the floor and she is just laughing and not even picking them up.
Then we are opening gifts, I am trying to put on a happy face and to hold it together, My SIs and Mom slink off way far away from me and all my guests to watch from waaaay across the room. It was soooo awkward, she's the MOH! and everyone is sitting on one side of the showroom (it was a large room) and they are sulking in the corner away from everyone. Then my sister barely says bye and tels me that they are leaving. One of my guests who my sister never met, tried to say, "Bye it was nice to meet you!" as she was stalking off, and my sister flat out ignored her without looking back.
The entire time I tried to talk to mom and sis, they gave me very short responses. I am so hurt and worried now for rehearsal dinner....my Future husband's family are from out of state andI have not even met all of them. I don't want my sis n mom making faces and being rude to them. There is clearly some reason why they are upset, but I have been very mellow about all this and just feel I can't take it anymore! It would be one thing if I have been a bridezilla, but I know I am not being completely unreasonable. I have have tried numerous times to include them, but they want nothing to do with me or my wedding.
I know she is miserable in her marriage, I am not gloating or rubbing anything in her face. I told her if she was too busy and did not want to take on all the MOH duties (she said that w a one yr old she was too busy), that I was fine with that and would have the other bridesmaids take on some of them. Now all of a sudden she's pissed.
My bachleorette party is in two weeks...what has she planned or done?.....NOTHING! to top it all off she is basically making it a party for herself and all about her! She told me the guest list (I provided her with a list of all my close friends and FSIL's) and when she showed me the "updated" list it included an entourage of 12 firiends from her work who I have never even met in my entire life! And now she's complaining that its getting too expensive. You think? She only wants to go where her and her friends want to go. I am now working with one of my friends to throw something really quickly together. HELP!
I never mentioned shower issue to her, because I know she will run to my mom and it may make things worse. I was her MOH and fulfilled all my duties and was basically her slave AND did everything exactly as she wanted. I planned a beautiful baby shower for her. I just don't know what to do anymoe. I feel like she's on a mission and I don't know to let it blow over and just focus on myself and my big day. Or if I should try to have a heart to heart with her. She is my sister and I just don't understand why or how she could be so mean. this is the most important day of my life...If I choose to not mention anything...should I bring it up after the wedding is over? I feel like I have a right to say something to her, PLEASE HELP!!!!! ANYONE W ADVICE
This discussion has been closed.
Re: HELP! wedding less then one month away, Bridal shower was a disaster, MOM n SIS being horrible to me
PS. You were your sister MOH and now she is yours. She did not have a shower-were you considered a bad MOH b/c of this? I hope not. Your sister has a ton on her plate and if you feel uncomfortable with the guest list, maybe you should bow out gracefully now so you are not diappointed. Sounds like your expectations may be too high. Some people are not planners or organizers so they have a very difficult time when it comes to planning anything.
Talk to your mom about this. Don't make accusations at your mom or sis. Ask her if there is a problem. It might be that your mom is worried about your sister and her grandson because of her marital problems. She may have thought that you were perfectly capable of planning the wedding without her help. Or, you might have offended her, somehow, without realizing. The only person who can give you an answer is your mom. Listen to what she has to say.
Your sister should not be inviting people to your bachelorette, unless they are also going to be invited to your wedding. If she is, find a polite way to decline the party before she puts any money into it.
Lucky for you, your FMIL and FSIL have been happy to help you out. Enjoy their support and try to focus on the positive things.
P.S. I hope you didn't ask your sis to be MOH just because you were hers. Seriously, that is the totally wrong reason. If you put her in the position at the expense of a closer friend, that was your mistake in the first place. You're going to look back on this later and realize how silly you acted.
Its also true that a MOH isnt bound to any "duties" but it would be expected that she should be supportive, at least. If your sis is "too busy" with her child and her marital issues, she should step down as MOH. Again, her problems should not trump your big day that is supposed to be happy. This doesnt mean you get to be a bridezilla and demand things of her, but it certainly is not appropriate for her to tell you you are not allowed to have a good day because she cant be bothered to make it that way. My MOH is a medical student who is swamped in studying and applying for residency.... yet she still finds time to go dress shopping with me and other stuff, MOST of which she suggests.
I say you hang out with your in laws more. If your sister is too miserable and "busy" to help you, leave her out of things and dont expect her help anymore. Go on and have a good day, and plan on never asking her help for anything again.
Original poster should hang out with in laws more - because she needs positive feedback and encouragement.
Sure the OP needs support. While death/loss require support to get thru a hard time, it is also important for a bride to have positive support. People SHOULD be happy for a bride, and provide positive comments and behaviors, not ignore her and treat her like dirt. She is just trying to make her wedding a happy occasion, which is should be, not have to feel uncomfortable and down for the biggest day of her life.
If op's account of her mother's and sister's behavior at her shower is accurate, they were very rude to the host and some of the other guest. Something is wrong with this situation. The only way she will find out is to ask her mother. If she is not able to resolve the situation, then she should just plan without them.
I agree with Marie Poppy in that something is wrong with this situation and the OP should talk to her mother and find out what is going on.
The OP's sister dealing with a possible divorce is obviously part of the problem with the sister's non-interest in the wedding plans, but that does not give her sister the right to be rude.
[QUOTE]Maybe Im the only one, but I dont really agree with everyone here. Your sisters problems should NOT have to ruin your joy. It isnt your fault that she is unhappy. Its true you are not "owed" a shower or gifts or whatever, but since you did have one, the polite thing would have been for your mom/sis to behave themselves and be polite to others. That whole situ is like if someone had a brithday party and a guest showed up for the food but didnt buy a gift bc she had a bad bday. Its also true that a MOH isnt bound to any "duties" but it would be expected that she should be supportive, at least. If your sis is "too busy" with her child and her marital issues, she should step down as MOH. Again, her problems should not trump your big day that is supposed to be happy. This doesnt mean you get to be a bridezilla and demand things of her, but it certainly is not appropriate for her to tell you you are not allowed to have a good day because she cant be bothered to make it that way. My MOH is a medical student who is swamped in studying and applying for residency.... yet she still finds time to go dress shopping with me and other stuff, MOST of which she suggests. I say you hang out with your in laws more. If your sister is too miserable and "busy" to help you, leave her out of things and dont expect her help anymore. Go on and have a good day, and plan on never asking her help for anything again.
Posted by CowgirlK39[/QUOTE]
This! I am sorry but I think that if you accept an invite to a shower, a gift or at least card is needed! Especially when it seems that they aren't even there to celebrate the bride or even acknowledge her! it's not like they were invited to just go out to lunch. I say either head on address the issue with both of them at the same time or just completely leave them out of it! They obviously don't seem to be interested so even though it may be extremely hurtful at the time the more you put yourself out there and they don't reciprocate the more it will hurt in the end. It takes 2 (or 3) you can't be the only one to make it work.
[QUOTE]Its also true that a MOH isnt bound to any "duties" but it would be expected that she should be supportive, at least. If your sis is "too busy" with her child and her marital issues, she should step down as MOH A bride does not need "support." Nothing about a wedding needs "support." It's a happy time. You don't need "support" when you are happy. You need "support" for tragedies, like a car wreck, a miscarriage....or a divorce. "Support" also goes both ways. Right now the sister is facing the end of her marriage and having to raise a small child on her own. That trumps Pretty Princess Day. I'll bet it's been very painful for the sister to do as much as she HAS done....watch someone else try on a wedding dress, and attend a shower. A lot of women wouldn't be able to do this at all. Divorce is excruciatingly painful. You thought your life was all figured out, and suddenly the floor collapses beneath your feet. Nobody on here was mean. If what you want is validation for me, me, me, you won't get it here. I've been widowed once, divorced once prior to this, and believe me - the wedding you have is irrelevant to what happens in the marriage. You need friends when this happens, so don't run them off prior to the marriage.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is def not true!!! A wedding requires tons of support, its a stressful, crazy, exciting and frightful thing all at the same time. We "support" ppl through their pregancy and this is no different. Instead of being so mean try to understand her point of view. She supported her sister through the many things she has went through and feels no one is supporting her. While it is great her inlaws are there no one can take the place of your own family.
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I do not agree with the statement above at all. I know a few people who have had to plan their own bachlorette or bachlor party with the help of another. If you want a bachlorette party, continue to work with your friend to put something together.
As for your sister, yes it is unfortunate that she is not involved as you were for her. Brush it off and enjoy this time with your fiance. While this does not excuse some of above mentioned behavior, this is a happy time in your life. Misery loves company.