Appropriate BM gift?

laurenes

I am trying to figure out appropriate BM gifts for my girls. I was thinking of paying for their mani-pettis, and then getting each one a small gift that had to do with something that was individual about them (i.e. one girl loves Man U, so I would get her a football scarf, one girl only drinks wine with animals featured on the label, so I'd get her a bottle of wine in keeping with that, etc). I was wondering if that was an appropriate approach.

My mother thinks I should be getting them all jewelry. I don't particularly like that idea, because I feel like that's telling them what they have to wear to my wedding (whereas I see mani-petties as a service that is often nice to get done and takes the financial responsibility off of them). Is jewelry the better route to go? I feel like it's so taste specific.

And I know I'm double dipping on advice here, but this is along the same route. My sister has told me that if I don't get earrings for the girls, then my mother would like to "get each of them earrings as a little gift" as a way to be nice to them. I'm suspicious of this as a) my mother is already paying for their accomadations, which they are more than thrilled about and feel like is generous as it is, and b) my mother doesn't particularly like that my BMs didn't want to try on dresses that she (not me) suggested, thinks that BMs should have the exact same shoes, jewerly, and dresses, and I think she's going to try to use this as a way of trying to strong arm them into wearing the same/similair jewerly (as an example, she told me I couldn't simply just tell them to get a neutral toned shoe because there were too many variations.... who the h*** is going to notice?).

Thanks for your help in advance.

Edit: along the mom lines, even if I just get them individual gifts, should I tell my mother that it is inappropriate for her to buy them wedding day earrings?

graysquirrel

I would get them all something that is suited to their interests and personalities. So far you have some of that. However, anything that is in any way related to your wedding really isn't a gift to them. If you are requiring them to get their nails done, then paying for that is fulfilling your wedding vision, not thanking them for being in your WP. If you want to get them mani/pedis, then do it, it sounds like a fun thing for you and your girls to do, but it isn't a thank you gift. It is the exact same thing as the jewelry-- something that you want them all to have on their bodies as they walk. Think of it like a birthday gift and they will be happy. 

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_appropriate-bm-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:900707c1-7a67-42d9-b915-687e8740c49bPost:212f392d-9132-467b-bb2b-a4f39aa591b5">Appropriate BM gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am trying to figure out appropriate BM gifts for my girls<strong>.</strong> I was thinking of paying for their mani-pettis, and then getting each one a small gift that had to do with something that was individual about them (i.e. one girl loves Man U, so I would get her a football scarf, one girl only drinks wine with animals featured on the label, so I'd get her a bottle of wine in keeping with that, etc). I was wondering if that was an appropriate approach. <strong>To me, mani-pettis are like professional hair for wedding. If your buying it shouldn't be added on as a gift. Even if you gave the a GC, most would just feel guilty and use it for your wedding not a random pamper yourself day weeks if not months from now. It's nice that you'll get them a more personal but really if if you want a mani-pedi for all the girls you can do it but you shouldn't add it to the gift. </strong>My mother thinks I should be getting them all jewelry. I don't particularly like that idea, because I feel like that's telling them what they have to wear to my wedding (whereas I see mani-petties as a service that is often nice to get done and takes the financial responsibility off of them). Is jewelry the better route to go? I feel like it's so taste specific.<strong> Once again if you give them jewelry don't consider it a gift, just like the mani pedis it's apart from their "uniform" it is not technically a selfless gift. It's alright to give them wedding jewelry but definitely not necessary and definitely not really a gift.</strong><div>
</div><div> And I know I'm double dipping on advice here, but this is along the same route. My sister has told me that if I don't get earrings for the girls, then my mother would like to "get each of them earrings as a little gift" as a way to be nice to them. I'm suspicious of this as a) my mother is already paying for their accomadations, which they are more than thrilled about and feel like is generous as it is, and b) my mother doesn't particularly like that my BMs didn't want to try on dresses that she (not me) suggested, thinks that BMs should have the exact same shoes, jewerly, and dresses, and I think she's going to try to use this as a way of trying to strong arm them into wearing the same/similair jewerly (as an example, she told me I couldn't simply just tell them to get a neutral toned shoe because there were too many variations.... who the h*** is going to notice?). <strong>Your are right about the shoes, and if she wanted them to be in the same shoe she would have to pay for it, and your right, no one cares about shoes. If she wants to get them jewelry I see no problem but it's not a gift if they "have" to wear for the wedding. She needs to be careful because some people have different sensitivity to certain jewelry. I was in a wedding were a BM's ears bled because the jewelry the Bride got her was too much for her ears. </strong></div><div>
</div><div>Thanks for your help in advance. Edit: along the mom lines, even if I just get them individual gifts, should I tell my mother that it is inappropriate for her to buy them wedding day earrings?</div><div><strong>It's really up to you. I would tell my mom not to be wasting her money on insignificant details like that and I'm also person who likes to cohesive yet different look when it comes to weddings. I'm not a huge fan of clone BMs, but again, that's just me. </strong></div><div>
Posted by laurenes[/QUOTE]

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trix1223

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaids-should-gift-treat-manipedi

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_different-bridesmaidsn-gifts

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_buy

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-gift-1

pretzelgrrl

I think the Mani/pedis are a great gift if you know your girls will enjoy it...I have recently discovered that not everyone likes them (who knew?) but if you know that every bridesmaid likes them do the Mani/pedi and then the individualized gift. I say go with your gut and skip jewelry...I got necklaces for my bridesmaids but only because one of them liked it so much and I got a good deal so not really factoring as gift more like a bonus. With your mom, let her know it's not necessary and maybe white lie that girls have expressed intrest in wearing their own.

trix1223

Count me as someone who would NEVER have a pedi (it's not a petti). I would decline the "gift".

aerinpegadrak

I also detest mani/pedis.  I wouldn't consider any of that a gift for them, because it's all for your wedding and not for them.

laurenes

Thanks for the input everyone. I'm going to nix the manipetties and have - another - conversation about how I don't want my BMs to look like clones, and how I would appreciate her not buying them wedding jewelery. Thanks for your help and input!

Edit: I have heard the shop like it's their birthday thing before this. What had originally attracted me to manipettis was that I had made another BM blopper - I picked the wedding party too darn early, we all moved to separate states, friendships have become somewhat strained, and I was having a hard time brainstorming what gifts they would like now. However, after having everyone remind me that this was not appropriate, I've realized I should cope out, did some brainstorming and should be able to find something individual to everyone. Thanks again!