Do I ask my sister to be in my wedding?

PrincessSparkles

I know this sounds awful, but I don't really want my sister to be in my wedding this year.  We were really close growing up, but in the past year our relationship has completely deteriorated.  She got married last August, and announced at Christmas that she is pregnant. 

I was the MOH in her wedding, but not by choice.  And I ended up doing a large part of the work for her because she didn't want to.  So now it's my turn, and I really don't want to ask her.  But at the same time I don't want to make it so she never speaks to me again.   Advice, please!!??

kls114

What is the reason why you two are not close? Did something major happen? If it is something that is recent & can be worked out maybe you can talk to her & see how she feels.

Another option would be to maybe have her do a reading or something else that would recognize her but not by being your MOH!

HTH & GL!

mob112710

Her pregnancy gives you a perfect excuse not to have her as your MOH -- she'll be way too busy and it would be much too stressful for her!  Depending upon the proximity of her due date to your wedding date this excuse could also be used to keep her out of your wedding party entirely and relegate her to the role of reader or something similar during the ceremony.  However,  I would urge you to consider including her in the WP as your feelings towards her now may change in the future and shutting her out of any role in the WP may cause an irreparable rift in your relationship and in the dynamics of your immediate family's relationships.

PrincessSparkles

Thanks for the help!!  Our relationship has been in a downward spiral for several years now, but as recently as Christmas she told me that in her mind we are no longer sisters because "she just doesn't like me anymore." 

My mom chalks it up to jealousy because I graduated with my doctorate this year, and she dropped out of school after her first year, and is now trying to get on food stamps, medicade, income-based housing, etc.  I don't see how our different life decisions would cause her to hate me, but whatever. 

Part of the problem is that my baby sister is capable of hurting me like no one else.  And she has ruined more than one holiday/special event recently just because she feels like it.  So, I'm worried she'll pull the same type of thing at my wedding, rehearsal dinner, etc. too.

I like having the pregnancy as an excuse because she's due about a month before my wedding.  If we don't do any readings at the ceremony, do you have any other ideas as to what I could have her do?  Thanks so much!!!

Muffin'sMom

I think that including a reading is simple...it can be short, sweet, and really takes no time at all.  And, if something happens and she doesn't cooperate, you can have a trusted friend standing by to do it instead.  It's a small thing to do to include her.

mkrofel

I'm having the same dilemma.  I haven't seen my sister in over two years.  We don't speak on the phone.  The only communication is by email (which has maybe been a total of three or four emails in a two year time frame).  And every now and then, we'll exchange a few instant messages.

I'm really torn.  I understand where you're coming from.  I'm not even certain she'd want to be a part of it.  If it's not about her, she's not excited or supportive for others.  The person who's angry and bent out of shape about it is my mother, simply because she's my sister, she should be in the wedding.  I need happy, supportive, and positive people around me - and people who are close to me.

It's a situation I wish I didn't have to be dealing with.  It's stressing me out.
 

JonsWifeToBe

I completely understand your situation. I am having my best friends as my MOH/BMs and my sisters are doing the readings. I was very torn about what to do, and ended up talking to my mother, who was rational enough to just ask "when you picture your wedding day, who do you see standing up there with you to support you?" I've definately gotten heat from other extended family members and an awkward conversation with my sister closest in age (the other is 10 years younger, and wasn't expecting it) but I've had many moments during my wedding planning that confirmed I made the right choice. Good luck!