Moms and Maids

Help! Awkward BM situation

If it were entirely up to me, I would only have a maid of honor. I did not want to deal with the coordination of bridesmaids and groomsmen BUT I agreed to having BMs to please my fiance... he really wants groomsmen.

I have to come up with 5. I have my 4 lined up and the last one I haven't talked to yet is a cousin of mine. I would very much like to have her participate however she has a couple of tattoos that are quite noticeable on her arms and chest. In my personal taste, I do not like her tattoos. Pretty much any (nice) dress we choose for the BMs will showcase her tattoos. Would it be rude to ask her to cover them w/ makeup? Or should I just suck it up & not say anything to avoid family drama?

Re: Help! Awkward BM situation

  • OBX2011OBX2011 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2012
    Yes!  Please go down a few threads beneath this one and see what happens when you ask a BM to cover her tattoos.  You love her for who she is and that means her tattoos as well, so please do not ask her to cover them up. 

    Suck this one up and avoid the family drama and more importantly, hurting her feelings. 

     

  • First of all, it's perfectly okay to have uneven sides.  If you wanted only a MOH, then that's all you should have had.  You can't go back on it if you've already asked anyone, but you should never ask people just to be 'fillers' in your wedding.

    Second, it is really rude to ask someone to cover part of who they are just because of your personal tastes.   Her tattoos are part of who she is, so you either have to take it or leave it, but you can never ask anyone to change who they are just for your wedding.  It's rude, hurtful, and will make you look like a giant bridezilla.  Just let it go.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-awkward-bm-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:96f7ef0a-0b2c-41f2-8961-66780877e31fPost:342bd4ad-83af-4e8c-8e2f-a1bcf7c9f0db">Help! Awkward BM situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]If it were entirely up to me, I would only have a maid of honor. I did not want to deal with the coordination of bridesmaids and groomsmen BUT I agreed to having BMs <strong>to please my fiance... he really wants groomsmen</strong>. I have to come up with 5. I have my 4 lined up and the last one I haven't talked to yet is a cousin of mine. I would very much like to have her participate however she has a couple of tattoos that are quite noticeable on her arms and chest. In my personal taste, I do not like her tattoos. Pretty much any (nice) dress we choose for the BMs will showcase her tattoos. <strong>Would it be rude to ask her to cover them w/ makeup</strong>? Or should I just suck it up & not say anything to avoid family drama?
    Posted by mcwheelock[/QUOTE]

    Just because you don't have BMs does not mean that your FI can't have GMs...uneven sides is perfectly fine.

    Yes, this would be incredibly rude.  If you want her to be a BM because you love her and she is one of your nearest and dearest then you need to accept her, tattoos and all.  You should never ask someone to change themselves for just one day.  Also, no one will notice or even care about her tattoos on your wedding day.

    (The exception to the rule is if the tattoos are highly offensive and may insult/offend your guests...but even that is a stretch)

  • You could always use shaws or something to cover up during the ceremony if you're having a church wedding, and ask the photographer to try to angle out the tatoos for the more formal shots.  I agree that it may be rude or expensive to ask someone to pay to cover up tattoos, but its you're wedding. If it really means that much not to have her ink showing, i would take her out to lunch and talk about it, and then offer to pay for what ever is needed to cover up.
     
    I also understand that it can be a point of controversy to have tatoos showing (especially if you're getting married in a religious venue). My mother has always told us that the bible says you should never mark your body. She'd be pissed if one of my girls had anything large or offensive showing, especially in our church.

  • Did anyone else giggle at the title of this post? 


    But yeah, what the above posters said - sides don't have to be even. It's your wedding too, and you should have the people who you want around you during your wedding for bridesmaids. And yes, it would be totally rude to ask your cousin to cover up her tattoos. She's a person, not a prop in your wedding photoshoots.
  • I don't think it's a bad thing to ask. One of my bridesmaids who has tattoos, the only one whose will show, asked me if I needed/wanted her to cover them up. I don't care so to me I don't need her to, but it does make me happy that she offered. I think you could ask if she could cover some, not sure how many she has. You could also find a long dress if she has leg tattoos. 
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