So I am the Maid of Honor in my friends wedding this fall. She has recently told me that I have to be at the gift opening the day after the wedding and that I have to spend the night with her and all the bridesmais the night before the wedding (I actually haven't heard of either of these, although I found out that the gift opening is quite common).
Anyway, my question is, how do I tell her nicely that I won't be at either of them? And how do I bring it up to her? My reasons for not attending them are as follows:
The gift opening: The wedding is about a 2 hour drive from where we live and the gift opening would take place the day after the wedding at around noon (and I imagine it will be 2 hours or so since she is planning on serving lunch with it). I don't really see the need in me being there to watch her and her husband opening their gifts and we prefer to get home earlier rather than later because we have stuff to do at home.
The "sleepover" night before the wedding: My husband and I are already taking Friday off from work so I can be there to help her set up for the wedding and be there for the rehersal and rehersal dinner. Since my husband is not in wedding party, he will be left by himself most of Friday and most of the wedding day. Since the wedding isn't in the city we live in we are getting a hotel room for two nights. I would rather spend the night with my husband since I am leaving him alone basically all weekend. Also I feel like I have to pay for a hotel that I am not allowed to stay in. She didn't ask me if I wanted to spend the night before the wedding with her and just said that it was what we are doing. When I told her that I would rather stay in the hotel with my husband, she said "well if you do that then all the other bridesmaids will want to stay with their boyfriends" and that she didn't want to be left alone the night before the wedding. So I don't know if that was her saying "No, you can't stay with your husband, you have to be there with me" or if she was just her voicing her reasoning and concerns.
I don't want to hurt her feelings or have her upset with me, but I feel like she is expecting just a little too much. I believe that the only duties the MOH have is to buy the dress, show up for the wedding and most importantly be a supportive friend. I have done all of this as well as going dress shopping with her, shopping for ties for the guys, helped her with her invitations, I am throwing her a bridal shower, I will be at the rehersal and rehersal dinner and I am helping her set up and get ready the day of the wedding. I will also probably help her clean up after the wedding and take care of anything she needs the day of the wedding.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks