Moms and Maids

MOM & MOH

ok...so here is my issue...my mom and i have never really gotten along all that much, dont get me wrong, she's excited for the wedding planning process, dress shopping...etc - but she's never been the kind of mom that i can go to for anything and everything - i've never felt like i can please her and she's always nitpicking about everything - but on the other hand she's my mom, so as much as she drives me nuts, i want her to be involved in everything.

I also want my MOH (my best friend) involved in alot of planning too - she is more organized than I and knows my taste and what is "me" However, MOH is very straightforward, and does not like my mother (understandable due to what MOM has put me through in the past), therefore will not be fake towards my mom

how can I involve them both in things without my moms toes being stepped on, but also having MOH there to back me up and/or help me make decisions if i get stuck? I'm afraid it's going to end bad :(

Re: MOM & MOH

  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-moh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a83e1539-e15b-4f67-8be5-9e7ef4e5eafePost:f1681f35-6d06-472a-9814-eed793635133">MOM & MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]ok...so here is my issue...my mom and i have never really gotten along all that much, dont get me wrong, she's excited for the wedding planning process, dress shopping...etc - but she's never been the kind of mom that i can go to for anything and everything - i've never felt like i can please her and she's always nitpicking about everything - but on the other hand she's my mom, so as much as she drives me nuts, i want her to be involved in everything. I also want my MOH (my best friend) involved in alot of planning too - she is more organized than I and knows my taste and what is "me" However, MOH is very straightforward, and does not like my mother (understandable due to what MOM has put me through in the past), therefore will not be fake towards my mom how can I involve them both in things without my moms toes being stepped on, but also having MOH there to back me up and/or help me make decisions if i get stuck? I'm afraid it's going to end bad :(
    Posted by crcurran87[/QUOTE]

    If you insist on having your mother involved, knowing how she is, then you don't get to complain later on about how she's behaving the way she always has. Keep that in mind.

    Does your MOH want to be involved in the planning, or are you thinking that as your MOH, it's her job do help you plan your wedding?
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-moh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a83e1539-e15b-4f67-8be5-9e7ef4e5eafePost:a6584271-e2a6-48d7-85e0-d13c39c589b8">Re: MOM & MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to MOM & MOH : If you insist on having your mother involved, knowing how she is, then you don't get to complain later on about how she's behaving the way she always has. Keep that in mind. Does your MOH want to be involved in the planning, or are you thinking that as your MOH, it's her job do help you plan your wedding?
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]



    This.
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pp's. Also, your MOH can keep her comments to herself or she can put you smack in the middle of her and your mom.  I would have no issue keep my comments to myself for my BFF if it made her wedding planning easier.
  • edited December 2011
    my MOH wants to be involved, but uses the fact that she doesn't want the tension between her and my mom as her reasoning to not be... she's very opinionated and speaks her mind. a reason why i love her, but also a reason as to why things between her and mom could get heated.
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-moh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a83e1539-e15b-4f67-8be5-9e7ef4e5eafePost:bb74e35b-f100-4625-b5f1-a371f431d1e8">Re: MOM & MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>my MOH wants to be involved, but uses the fact that she doesn't want the tension between her and my mom as her reasoning to not be...</strong> she's very opinionated and speaks her mind. a reason why i love her, but also a reason as to why things between her and mom could get heated.
    Posted by crcurran87[/QUOTE]

    Then you need to decide who you'd rather have involved more, your mom or your MOH.
  • m&eguntonm&egunton member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-moh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a83e1539-e15b-4f67-8be5-9e7ef4e5eafePost:f1281a43-89a9-4d39-bae0-d34c9e7e6fcb">Re: MOM & MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOM & MOH : Then you need to decide who you'd rather have involved more, your mom or your MOH.
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">I agree with everything she's said so far because she's hit the nail on the head!</font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">
    </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">I would also add that, some events are very important to you, as a bride, like finding that wedding dress that's just right.  From what you say you want your mother involved in things but, if you don't have a good history, you might not want to invite her.</font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">
    </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">Instead just have your MOH there to be with you and if your mother complains that she wasn't invited then explain to her that both you and your MOH were finding dresses that day and that you wanted to be able to spend a day with your mom finding just the right dress for her, a day that was all about her and not about you.</font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">
    </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">Hopefully it might make her feel a bit special, instead of her feeling as if she's being left out.</font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">
    </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">Or you could take a leaf out of your MOH's book and tell your mom outright that your MOH knows what is You better and be direct.  </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">
    </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">And talk to your Fiance... he might want to come along to planning events with you ladies.  </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">
    </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">Remember too- do what pleases you and feels righ, the gut never liest.  And keep in mind that your MOH will probably understand why you do or do not do something with her.</font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">
    </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">Good luck!</font></div><div>
    </div>
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