Moms and Maids

how to handle this situation as a bridesmaid?

Ok so the bride recently sent out a mass email to the entire wedding party announcing she bought supplies for her centerpieces and invitations and wants us all to come over one night during the week to help her.

She didnt ask or anything just said so when you all are free close to the wedding we are going to get together and do this.

Ummm i am all for helping and all but i feel like its courtesy to ask right? The bride has been awesome up to this point. But between this and her MOH doing the same thing for her shower im feeling pressured to put in more time that i really dont have. I work 2 jobs and have only been at the one for 2 months now.

Is this wrong of me to feel inclined to say no? I feel pressured to do it since its what the wedding party is "supposed" to do according to her MOH...i love the bride and usually very willing to offer to help when i can like when she recently moved...but how can i politely say no without looking bad?

Re: how to handle this situation as a bridesmaid?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-to-handle-this-situation-as-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:aad2d35b-8cf9-4e89-9ac2-0463bb1b948ePost:92178b2e-7c32-4d8d-bebf-62c15345c74c">how to handle this situation as a bridesmaid?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok so the bride recently sent out a mass email to the entire wedding party announcing she bought supplies for her centerpieces and invitations and wants us all to come over one night during the week to help her. She didnt ask or anything just said so when you all are free close to the wedding we are going to get together and do this. Ummm i am all for helping and all but i feel like its courtesy to ask right? The bride has been awesome up to this point. But between this and her MOH doing the same thing for her shower im feeling pressured to put in more time that i really dont have. I work 2 jobs and have only been at the one for 2 months now. Is this wrong of me to feel inclined to say no? I feel pressured to do it since its what the wedding party is "supposed" to do according to her MOH...i love the bride and usually very willing to offer to help when i can like when she recently moved...but how can i politely say no without looking bad?
    Posted by kaitlyn&henry[/QUOTE]

    Just tell them both that you don't have time.  The WP is not the brides unpaid help.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • I think you need to explain to the bride your constraints, for example work schedule, and offer her a very specific amount of help -- if you feel you can actually help and want to, you aren't obligated to. For example, say to her "bride, I really can't do anything for you this week, because I am scheduled to work. I am available next Saturday for four hours. Maybe we could hang out and make the centerpieces then?" If you really don't have the time, just tell her that you have too much work to do, and can't spend much time on the wedding. DON'T re-arrange your work schedule for her, unless it's for the rehearsal or the actual wedding. If she goes bridezilla, and says that you have to do something, maybe you should re-evaluate your friendship.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2012
    You won't look bad if you say no. You should treat this as though it is an invitation, not a subpoena. When the time comes, you should thank her for inviting you but tell her you are not available to help with the centerpieces. If the bride has been awesome up to this point, you should give her the benefit of doubt and assume that she had a temporary lapse in judgement.

    Likewise on the MOH and her shower plans. You should be up front with her on what you are willing and able to do, so there aren't any misunderstandings. There have been plenty of posts by bms who were surprised at being billed for the shower by over zealous M'sOH or family members.

                       
  • This is a perfect example of why we tell brides who want to use their WP as helpers that they should not. A lot of the time, the WP has no interest/time to do this.

    I don't think you owe her a long explanation. Since she sent an email, I would respond in the same format. E-mail back and say, "Sorry, I'm really busy with _____ (work, school, etc) and won't be able to help. Have fun though!" Then I would drop it and not let her guilt you into doing something you don't want to do.


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  • I would just see what day they plan to do it and play it by ear.  If you feel you need to respond now, I would just say my schedule is crazy so once a date/time is picked I will let you know.  Unless of course you choose not to help.  I am having my FI do the centerpieces and invites with me--
  • I agree with everyone just say hey i know you need help but i have work ( or what ever else). if you feel you should help ask if you can take something home and do it on your fee time at home. That way you can help but on your schedual if you can. I wouldnt change your work schedual thats your way of life and how your support yourself. 
  • It sounds like the bride took on too many DIY projects.  I would explain that you're sorry, but you aren't available to help with this due to your work schedule.
  • I'd go with the "play it by ear" choice. See what day she wants help and maybe just say "Well I can help for an hour and a half on that day but then I have to go to an appointment/work." That way, you made the effort and won't cause drama. Yeah, she should have asked first but sometimes it's better to smooth things over instead of making a stink that she didn't ask you properly.

  • In Response to Re:how to handle this situation as a bridesmaid?:[QUOTE]I'd go with the "play it by ear" choice. See what day she wants help and maybe just say "Well I can help for an hour and a half on that day but then I have to go to an appointment/work." That way, you made the effort and won't cause drama. Yeah, she should have asked first but sometimes it's better to smooth things over instead of making a stink that she didn't ask you properly. Posted by CowgirlK39[/QUOTE]
    This. Plus if you are ask for your schedule, say " don't plan around me. With my new second job I don't have much control over my schedule."
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