Moms and Maids

MOH Issue

My MOH has been my friend since 3rd grade.  We went to college together, and drifted after college, but always said we would be in each others weddings, so of course I asked her when I got engaged.  I soon realized she has become someone different then what I remember.  My Fiancé and I went to visit my MOH and her BF in my home town for an evening.  She revealed to me that she is now experimenting with heavy drugs and tried to pressure me into trying them knowing I was against them all together.  Next she proceeded to get extremely high/drunk, got out of a car her BF was driving and forced me and my Fiancé out with her, and said we had to walk home on a dangerous street with her or else she wouldn’t be in my wedding.  After that, every time I have seen her she has always been on drugs, and the last time she came up to visit me, she informed me and my Fiancé she wants to experiment with Women, and came on to me the entire evening, and in front of my fiancé.  People have said it’s rude to demote a MOH after you already asked her in your wedding, but these events seem to be extreme and are making me question having this type of person in my life all together.  I don’t want to be the one to end a friendship, but I feel she won’t want to be friends if I ask her to step down from being my MOH.  What do you think is appropriate?  Am I being a bridezilla, or should I make sure my wedding party is full of girls I feel comfortable with?  I am open to any suggestions, even if you think I am the crazy one, I just need to know what is the right thing to do.  I could add more detail but this post is already long.  I can give more info, if you want.

Re: MOH Issue

  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    This sounds like a friend problem, not a wedding problem.  Have you talked to her, as a friend, about how you aren't comfortable with how she is acting and about how you are concerned about her?  I would imagine if she has started using heavy drugs, there could be some underlying issue that she would like to talk about.

    I don't think you'd be out of line in telling her that if she continues this type o behavior you can't continue to be friends with her or have her involved in your life.  Effectively taking her out of your wedding party.

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I 100% agree with vicki, this is a FRIEND problem not a MOH problem. Your friend has changed and now has a drug problem. If you care about this friend (by the sounds of it you do), you need a heart to heart conversation about her issues with drugs, and really try to get (and support) her into AA. If she is unwilling to do this then like vicki said, end the friendship, once you do that she should know that she is no longer in the wedding. 
  • edited December 2011
    Vicki and Autumn are giving good advice.  I agree 100%.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks Everybody!

    What about the other issue, her coming onto me.  She even told my fiance she had a thing for me.  Any suggestions?  Should I just talk to her about that too?

    Thanks again, this is a big help!
  • edited December 2011
    I'm guessing the coming on to you was drug-induced.  Addressing the drug problem is the larger issue.  I'd let that go, and not worry so much about that.
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you all!

    I am going to talk to her tonight!
  • edited December 2011
    Good Luck!  I agree with all the advice and hope that she hears you out. 
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  • edited December 2011
    I think you answered your own question, if you weren't getting married would you still want this person to be in your life?
  • edited December 2011
    You shouldn't have someone at your side on your wedding day, the most important day of your life that is all about your happiness, who is going to stress you out or worry you in any way. She will just have to be a big girl about it!
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