Moms and Maids

Re: FMIL!

  • Something that needs to be said is that no one has to give you a dime or offer to help with the wedding. The only two people that absolutely have to pay for anything is you and your fiance. In fact it's not even rude that she isn't offering. 

    Either way she is definitely being a pain in the a$$. Just politely make it known that only people that you guys know well will be invited to anything wedding related. This might not put a stop to anything because bottom line is no matter how polite you are..or even if you have to be bitchy, is you can't control others actions. It falls under the choose your battles coloumn. Let her have her input but do what you want in the end. If you try to make a big deal out of the tiny things then you will only be this big ball of stress. That isn't any fun and it's totally unnecessary. 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2012
    First, your fi needs to have a talk with his mom about her change in attitude. He should let her know that he loves you and is going to marry you on Nov. 3 2013, with or without her approval. Also, if she wants to be involved in your lives, she should treat his wife to be with respect.

    Since FMIL is not paying for the wedding, you and your parents should decide on the number of guests to be invited and how (or if) the guest list will be divided. Fi should then tell his mom that he needs her complete guest list of X number of guests by X date and no changes will be honored after that. Be careful about the engagement party guest list, because anyone invited to that party must also be invited to the wedding. It would be a good idea to stick to fi's very closest family members, unless FMIL has completed her wedding guest list before the engagement party invites go out.

    The key part to your solution is that your fi must stand up to his mom.

    ETA: if you scroll down through previous posts, you will find many similar FMIL issues. You are definitely not alone.
                       
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    All of what Marie said and please don't post in bold or other colors!  It can be hard to read!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b01251ef-5b70-45d1-bb03-8d8972918578Post:efd6318a-d931-428b-93bd-a859cfaada76">FMIL!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey!! FI and I are getting married in Nov 2013. PAying for the wedding ourselves with a little help from my parents. MOH is throwing engagement party in a month. FI parents havent offered to help with anything but keep giving us more and more people that we HAVE to invite (people we dont even know). Im trying to keep it together but its driving me nuts..  FMIL used to love me until we came back from the Bahamas engaged! she said it was a shock to her, and has been so mean and rude ever since. NO one else was shocked. weve been togetheer 3 years, have an apt, a dog etc. GEtting engaged has always been something we spoke about. So now she hates me! How do i politely tell her to lay off with her invitiation requests (telling us we have to invite her friends to the engagement party that my MOH is throwing!!). Everyone in our lives other than FI's parents have been supportive and offered help but nothing from them. Not even talking in terms of money but even to say "ask MOH if she needs help with food for party" , theyve said nothing. its hurtful--- need opinions!!
    Posted by kristine403[/QUOTE]

    Unbolded. YWIA.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Why did you delete?
                       
  • gmcr78gmcr78 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    I find it so weird that this post was DD'd. It was perfectly understandable and people sympathized. 
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