Moms and Maids

MOHzilla HELP!!!!

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Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!

  • ConKFA319ConKFA319
    500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2012
    That being said, getting back to the original question posted by the OP, if she's looking for a way to tell her MOH that NO ONE is getting a +1, then she could word it something like this:

    "I'm so sorry, MOH, but we're really only inviting close friends and family. Unfortunately our budget/venue/whatever doesn't afford for us to offer a +1. We would love to get together with you both for dinner/drinks/movies/whathaveyou and get to know BF better, though, because you're important to us and we feel terribly that we can't extend an invitation to him at this time."

    Saying something like "nope, he's not serious enough for us to invite him, he's just your boyfriend," is rude and judgemental. Keep it apologetic and offer a "consolation" of sorts, and I'm sure it will go over much better. OP, if you're still following this thread, I hope that helped.

    ETA: And if you tell her that NO ONE is getting a +1, then you had better stick to your guns and not make a SINGLE exception, because if you do, and she finds out, believe you me, your friendship is history.
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  • I don't want to invite my friend's new wife because I don't know her. So I shouldn't have to invite her because someone told me that I have to right?  Right? They could get divorced tomorrow, right?

    The problem with this way of thinking is the fact that there is a thing called divorce just like there is a thing called breaking up. So really you should never invite any boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, wife or husband because there is always the chance that the persons involved could split up. So whether it is hailed as correct by books and pushy posters, I won't pass judgment on someone else's relationship and will encourage others to do the same.  The world is full of enough judgement the way it is, we encourage even more of it?
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  • they have only been dating three months, they are not engaged or married or living together....my fiance was invited to a wedding (before we were engaged) where i knew the groom and the bride previously and he was a groomsman and did not get a plus one. yes he was annoyed but i think if your MOH is at all reasonable if you explain the situation to her then she should understand. just tell her that money is tight and your going by the rule if your not married/engaged/living together that you do not get a plus one. ive been to plenty of weddings where this is the standard rule, anyone who tells you your wrong or a bridezilla for following this is ridiculous. my BMs have been in relationships for a while but since it is a small wedding i explained i cant give them a plus one and they understood. this is your wedding, its what your comfortable with and who your comfortable inviting.
  • In Response to Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!:
    they have only been dating three months, they are not engaged or married or living together....my fiance was invited to a wedding (before we were engaged) where i knew the groom and the bride previously and he was a groomsman and did not get a plus one. yes he was annoyed but i think if your MOH is at all reasonable if you explain the situation to her then she should understand. just tell her that money is tight and your going by the rule if your not married/engaged/living together that you do not get a plus one. ive been to plenty of weddings where this is the standard rule, anyone who tells you your wrong or a bridezilla for following this is ridiculous. my BMs have been in relationships for a while but since it is a small wedding i explained i cant give them a plus one and they understood. this is your wedding, its what your comfortable with and who your comfortable inviting.
    Posted by embreen
    Please do not follow this terrible advice, OP.  I'm sorry that you are being rude to your guests who are in relationships, embreen, but it is no reason for the OP to do the same.  You even say they have been in relationships "for a while", meaning that some, if not all are in serious relationships.  If I had been a BM when I was in a relationship with my now H, and I wasn't allowed to bring him, I would have bowed out of both the wedding and the friendship. 
  • This is ridiculous. If I say someone is my boyfriend and we are dating, then we are dating. We should be invited to things like weddings together. Retread you keep saying that unless they are dating a long time, engaged, or living together. etc. So what if someone dated a guy for a week and they moved in together? In your terms, they should be invited together. But if they date for 3 months and choose to not move in together, they shouldn't be. Don't you see how ridiculous these arbitrary  cut offs are?

    I don't care who the host is. It is not up to the bride, just because she's the bride to dictate how serious somebody else's relationship is. Period. That is insulting to the people in the relationship. Three months is not flavor of the week. Now obviously if, per chance, they break up before invitations go out, he wouldn't be invited. But I had a couple who dated for 4 YEARS break up right before our invitations go out. You do realize that your "long term" relationships and engagements can also break up, yes? And that just because someone is only dating three months doesn't mean it won't work out?

    And covejack and vic, it's not just you two.


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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    In Response to Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!:
    A boyfriend isn't a significant relationships.  They're dating.  They only just started. They don't live together, they aren't engaged. I wonder if some of you would answer differently if the topic was about the MOH being engaged to someone she'd only been seeing for three months. Would you be so forceful that "it's not up to anyone else to decide if it's the real thing or not?" I've seen many of you protest because the bride-to-be was of a certain age. Vic, her wedding isn't until late spring.  The MOH is pitching the fit NOW. So yes, it's just you.
    Posted by RetreadBride
    Did you actually read the OP? She said absolutely nothing about her MOH pitching a fit. I also disagree with you that a relationship of "3 months or so" isn't significant. Believe it or not, people can and do have significant relationships while not living together or deciding to get married. Your last line does not actually make sense, as nothing else you said in the post addresses my question.



  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    In Response to Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!:
    YOU ASKED.  That still doesn't answer my question about what is your magic number. Three, it seems, is not it, but you concede to 6. So I guess I will just assume for you, a dating couple turns into a RELATIONSHIP somewhere around 4 -6 months. THAT'S A FAIR ESTIMATE. My cousin was engaged to her husband after one month of dating, one month of having known each other. I WOULD THEN KNOW ABOUT THAT IN TIME TO ISSUE AN INVITATION. My husband and I were friends for 10 years before we decided to date. I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.  I WOULD NOT, HOWEVER, HAVE INVITED YOUR FRIENDS TO MY WEDDING. YOU, YOURSELF, ADMITTED THAT YOU WEREN'T A COUPLE. We dated for a year before getting engaged and moving in together. HE WOULD BE ADDED TO MY GUEST LIST WHEN IT BECAME EVIDENT THAT THIS  LEVEL OF COMMITMENT WOULD BE FORTHCOMING.  I find it disturbing that under these "rules," she and her fiance would have been invited together somewhere after a MONTH simply because they rushed an engagement, whereas my boyfriend and I would apparently not be afforded the same treatment after SEVERAL MONTHS simply b/c our relationship had a different label. In those 2 scenarios, who has really been together longer? IT'S UNFORTUNATE THAT YOU FEEL DISTURBED, BUT AT SOME POINT A HOSTESS HAS TO EITHER BLOAT HER GUEST LIST WITH GUESTS OF GUESTS, OR TAKE IT UPON HERSELF TO START DEFINING RELATIONSHIPS - WHICH, AS YOU CAN SEE, I'VE BEEN FORCED TO DO.  SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, WILL ALWAYS TAKE OFFENSE TO WHAT THAT DEFINITION IS, AND INSIST THAT THEY "DESERVE" SPECIAL TREATMENT.....DESPITE THE FACT THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS FOOTING THE BILL FOR YOUR GUEST. I don't care what a book deems appropriate for this. It does not take into account individual relationships. "THEN I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE DECLINING MY INVITATION.  I'LL MISS YOU." ( I ADMIT THIS SOCIALLY-CORRECT STATEMENT IS INSINCERE.  IF MY SUPPOSED FRIENDS WILL BE SO BORED AT MY SOCIAL FUNCTIONS, OR FIND THE COMPANY OF MY OTHER GUESTS SO INFERIOR THAT THEY CAN'T GET THROUGH MY EVENT WITHOUT THEIR OWN GUEST, THEN THEY'RE BETTER OFF STAYING HOME.  THEY CAN SEAT THEIR ENTITLED BEHINDS ON THEIR VERY OWN COUCHES WITH THEIR VERY OWN COMPANY AND ENTERTAIN THEMSELVES ON THEIR VERY OWN DIME RATHER THAN MINE.)
    Posted by RetreadBride
    Seriously, Retread? You know how to quote and you know that it is considered rude to yell at people, which is what posting in capitals means on the web, yet you keep yelling at us with bold, capital letters. And again, I don't remember seeing you act like this before you became the moderator of this board, though you did like to talk about how you would have banned X poster for Y post for Z reason.



  • In Response to Re: MOHzilla HELP!!!!:
    The pain was worse than usual last week, but I'm getting more spinal injections next week. Hopefully that will help a bit.
    Posted by RetreadBride
    Hope that you feel some relief from your pain in the new year.

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  • s-aries8990s-aries8990
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
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    edited January 2013
    I think that MOH is jumping the gun and OP should punt until invites go out saying something like "I'm not 100% sure because we're still fiddling with numbers, you know how big our families are! We're practically over budget and I didn't work plus-1's into our budget"

    - and, OP, are you inviting those who you know are in serious relationships together? Like Uncle Frank and his long-time femminist GF who hates the "cage of marriage"? Other WP members who have long-time SO's?

    I know b-lists are TOTALLY against etiquette, but can you b-list just HIM? Tell MOH that you can't afford to invite him, but if you get a decline, you'd happily have him come with her? I mean, this is (going to be for realz) the SO of your bestest best friend in the whole wide world and i'm sure it would mean a lot to her.

    Recent relationships aren't a "must-invite-together" but it will help your MOH feel more comfortable and will validate her & his relationship and show you accept him - something all girls want from their BFFs

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  • i really dont believe that OP is judging her MOH's relationship at all, its simple shes following the engaged/married rule and trying to keep it small. If you all think she should invite the plus one then feel free to wire her the money for that. if her MOH would really end a friendship over that i would reevaluate the friendship. those who are saying they would "bow out of the wedding and the friendship" are putting one event that honestly is a significant event but not life changing to anyone else but the bride and groom ahead of their friendship and thats ridiculous.
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