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Who should pitch in?

HeidiMarie95HeidiMarie95 member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
Hi ladies! I'm the MOH planning the bachelorette party for next weekend. One of the bridesmaids lives out of town and likely won't be attending. Should I still ask her to pitch in for the cost of the party? I'm having the other bridesmaids help pay for the decorations, food, drinks, etc. Should I have the out of towner write me a check for her portion?

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Re: Who should pitch in?

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    Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry...I don't think you should have to pay for something you are not attending.
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    bbyckesbbyckes member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    No.  She won't be able to attend, I don't think she should have to chip in.   Have the party you and the others can afford. 
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    waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No. If she can't make it to the festivities, why should she still have to pay for it?
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    HeidiMarie95HeidiMarie95 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was just thinking because it's the bridesmaids responsibility to throw the bride a bachelorette party....but perhaps I'm wrong. I just wasn't looking at it as the bridesmaid paying for something she can't attend and have fun at, but rather paying for the bride to have fun.
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    JoyTate1JoyTate1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-pitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b41bb067-e77c-4baa-8b2f-eecf3ac3996cPost:024c5db7-eb3c-4805-bbe1-2c15e415a944">Re: Who should pitch in?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was just thinking because it's the bridesmaids' responsibility to throw the bride a bachelorette party....but perhaps I'm wrong. I just wasn't looking at it as the bridesmaid paying for something she can't attend and have fun at, but rather paying for the bride to have fun.
    Posted by HeidiMarie95[/QUOTE]
    It is not the bridesmaids responsibility to throw any pre-wedding parties, they are just an added bonus.

    I would not ask her to pay for an event in which she cannot participate.  If she offers you money, then you can gladly accept.
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    waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Think of it more as a night out with the girls with an honoree. If it was her birthday party you wouldn't ask someone who couldn't attend to pitch in for drinks and decorations would you?
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-pitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b41bb067-e77c-4baa-8b2f-eecf3ac3996cPost:024c5db7-eb3c-4805-bbe1-2c15e415a944">Re: Who should pitch in?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was just thinking because it's the bridesmaids responsibility to throw the bride a bachelorette party....but perhaps I'm wrong. I just wasn't looking at it as the bridesmaid paying for something she can't attend and have fun at, but rather paying for the bride to have fun.
    Posted by HeidiMarie95[/QUOTE]
    No.  It's not her job to make sure they bride has a fun night.  You and the other BMs should throw something that you can afford.  Going all "collections agent" on people doesn't go well.  The other BM will be (justifiably) upset and may let the bride know, which will just make life more difficult for her.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    A friend should never be billed for a party that someone else throws for another person, particularly when they can't attend.

    Take the words "wedding party" out of this.  Now look at what you're asking.  You wouldn't charge someone for a b'day party or a superbowl party that they couldn't attend, would you? 

    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    HeidiMarie95HeidiMarie95 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks, everyone!
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Actually, none of the others should be 'required' to pitch in unless you've all agreed to plan the festivities together and agreed upon the cost.


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    Sweetie1and2Sweetie1and2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you are getting  a group gift, sure have her pitch in, but just party expense for something she can't attend, no way.  It would be rude to ask her.
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    SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Absolutely not. I agree with the other posters in that she shouldn't have to pay for something that she won't even be able to attend. That's just tacky. The only thing that this girl should have to contribute to would be a gift.
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    littlemoments324littlemoments324 member
    First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_should-pitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b41bb067-e77c-4baa-8b2f-eecf3ac3996cPost:d2e3a952-f3c1-439e-b9ea-67d952d6aa63">Re: Who should pitch in?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry...I don't think you should have to pay for something you are not attending.
    Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]


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    Catwoman708Catwoman708 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Unless she already offered to help pay for the bachelorette, then no, she should not have to pay if she had no part in the planning, and won't be attending. Never assume others will be paying unless it's been discussed in advance.

    You could ask her if she will be able to attend and take it from there.  I suppose you could mention any contributions to the bride's expenses would be appreciated, but it's kind of hard to ask for donations tactfully if it' hasn't been previously discussed. 
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