Moms and Maids

The Wedding Party

My fiancee and I had originally decided on 4 bridesmaids (MOH included), 4 groomsmen (best man included), 2 flower girls, and 2 ring bearers.  My mom is paying for the wedding and has the very traditional mindset that she is the one who should be planning and deciding most of aspects of the wedding.  One day she told me she added another bridesmaid, another flowergirl, another ring bearer, and 3 junior bridesmaids.  They have already been asked and have their dresses ordered.  The church we are getting married in is on the smaller side and is one of the reasons my fiancee and I didn't really want a huge wedding party.  I was just going to deal with it, but my fiancee is very upset and wants to only have the people we originally decided on.  What do I do?

Re: The Wedding Party

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Unfortunately there really isn't anything that you can do about it now.  They have been asked and they ordered their dresses.  I think it was very rude of your Mom to ask additional people to be in your wedding without even discussing it with you.  Is she paying for their dresses?  I understand that she is paying for the wedding but that doesn't mean she has a say on who stands up with you.  I think it is time that you have a little sit down with your Mom.  Tell her that you understand that since she is paying she has the ultimate decision on things but that this is your wedding not hers (I would probably word it better then that though LOL).  You two need to work together so that in the end you are both happy with your day.  You probably should have talked about how her paying for the wedding was going to work when it came to including your input but that ship has sailed.  Before you (or her in this case) plan anything else a major conversation is needed.  Good luck!

  • edited December 2011
    Your mother is COMPLETELY out of line, and you need to make sure that you tell her.  If she is doing this now, imagine what it will be like when you start a family.  Make sure she knows that going forward, you will have NO problem shutting her down if she gets ahead of herself.

    That being said, if you try to change it now, you will look like the meanie.  What a piece of work she is!!!  Good luck!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • edited December 2011
    Say this: 

    "Mom, I am very grateful for what you have done for us.  I know my wedding means a lot to you, and I know you want it to be perfect.  When I planned out my wedding party, I picked people who I wanted to stand with me because they are near, and dear to my heart, and I couldn't imagine having anyone else standing with me.  It hurts me that you asked all of these people without consulting me.  I will not unask them because I do not want to hurt their feelings, but I wanted you to know that this upset me a lot.  I hope that you ask me"

    You can't unask them, but you can let her know that what she did really upset you.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    your mom stepped out of line. i now it might sound rude but id go with your fi on this one. even though they done ordered attire id have to tell them no. you gotta remember this aint just yours or your moms day its his day too!!
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