Moms and Maids

MOH Problems!!

So my MOH is supposed to be my best friend.  She didn't know much about the wedding; was the last one to get her dress and just not a friend anymore.  We got into a fight over the weekend and it came down to she is always lying! About her relationship, where she was and just stupid things and I told her I couldn't take it anymore.  I didn't know who she was anymore.  She turned to me and said so you don't want me to be in the wedding and I said no and I don't want you in my life.  This is the second blow up we had and I'm done! And when she went to get her dress she told the shop owner that she had the money in the car she just didn't feel like walking out there to get it!! I think that was extremely rude and inappropriate.

She then texted me saying that she would like a reimbursement on her dress; well I'm not the shop owner.  Now I have to get someone to fill her spot and hopefully be able to get a dress for the other girl.  She shop owner told me that the dress isn't refundable and that we can maybe alter the dress to fit the other girl.  But I don't think it's right to make this other girl pay for alteration. The shop owner is my friend but I feel like I should take the in the wedding in the first place she would have got a dress that fit her.  Should I give my ex-friend her money back and have the new person pay me or should I take cost out of the return to my old MOH for the alteration cost to the new girl. What should I do?!

Re: MOH Problems!!

  • jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b73b731b-1f0c-4842-84a2-7e4c7b488f5cPost:c179a107-f8c6-4679-a7ee-ccfe3841ebaa">MOH Problems!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my MOH is supposed to be my best friend.  She didn't know much about the wedding; was the last one to get her dress and just not a friend anymore.  We got into a fight over the weekend and it came down to she is always lying! About her relationship, where she was and just stupid things and I told her I couldn't take it anymore.  I didn't know who she was anymore.  She turned to me and said so you don't want me to be in the wedding and I said no and I don't want you in my life.  This is the second blow up we had and I'm done! And when she went to get her dress she told the shop owner that she had the money in the car she just didn't feel like walking out there to get it!! I think that was extremely rude and inappropriate. She then texted me saying that she would like a reimbursement on her dress; well I'm not the shop owner.  Now I have to get someone to fill her spot and hopefully be able to get a dress for the other girl.  She shop owner told me that the dress isn't refundable and that we can maybe alter the dress to fit the other girl.  But I don't think it's right to make this other girl pay for alteration. The shop owner is my friend but I feel like I should take the in the wedding in the first place she would have got a dress that fit her.  Should I give my ex-friend her money back and have the new person pay me or should I take cost out of the return to my old MOH for the alteration cost to the new girl. What should I do?!
    Posted by SSnaguski[/QUOTE]

    How old are you and this girl?  What ended the friendship, exactly? I don't understand how people even get into a fight like that.

    Do not replace her.

    I didn't answer your poll because there was no option that I thought was appropriate.
  • edited December 2011

    you shouldn't replace her at all because no one wants to feel like they werent good enough to "make it" into your WP the first time when you had asked the other people. your wedding can go on without a MOH. as far as the dress goes, because you felt you couldn't reconcile your differences and kicked her out, i think you should reimburse her for the dress and just be done with it.

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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'd pay for her dress.

    DO NOT REPLACE HER.
  • lindseyann410lindseyann410 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You kicked her out, so you pay for the dress.

    Don't replace her.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Definitely don't replace her...in fact if I was the replacement girl I would feel like sh$t!  Replacing someone is just rude and inconsiderate of the replacement girls feelings...so that girl was not good enough to be in the party the first time around but since a spot opened up then she is now worthy.  That is basically like having an A and B list for invites!

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b73b731b-1f0c-4842-84a2-7e4c7b488f5cPost:39f73d66-8875-4ba4-b7db-e4803b0fe39e">Re: MOH Problems!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You kicked her out, so you pay for the dress. Don't replace her.
    Posted by lindseyann410[/QUOTE]

    This.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Do you think your ex-friend should pay for the dress and alterations for the 'replacement?'

    You kicked the ex-friend out of your wedding party, so she no longer needs the dress.  You should reimburse your ex-friend, in full. She should turn the dress over to you, if you want it.

    You should not replace the bm. That's very insulting to the replacement to know she did not make the cut the first time around.

    If you have already asked someone to replace her, you should not ask her to pay for the dress or alterations. If you had asked her, originally, she would have ordered her dress in the correct size. You created this situation, so it's on you to make it right.
                       
  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b73b731b-1f0c-4842-84a2-7e4c7b488f5cPost:c179a107-f8c6-4679-a7ee-ccfe3841ebaa">MOH Problems!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my MOH is supposed to be my best friend.  <strong>She didn't know much about the wedding; was the last one to get her dress and just not a friend anymore.</strong>  We got into a fight over the weekend and it came down to she is always lying! About her relationship, where she was and just stupid things and I told her I couldn't take it anymore.  I didn't know who she was anymore.  She turned to me and said so you don't want me to be in the wedding and I said no and I don't want you in my life.  Posted by SSnaguski[/QUOTE]

    If not knowing enough about YOUR wedding and being the LAST ONE to get her dress are the reasons you don't think SHE's a good friend anymore, then i think you need to reassess your idea of what makes a good friend. So she was lying to you about "where she was"? is it possible that she was avoiding you becuase you wouldn't stop talking about your wedding and because you made your entire friendship about your wedding and you being the bride and her being hte MOH?

    I voted that you should reimburss her for the dress. instead of trying to work on the friendship you made it all about you and you being a bride, and you kicked her out. She doesn't owe you anything but it sounds like you owe her an apology for bad treatment as well as money for a dress that she bought FOR YOU, whether she was the last one to do it or not, and that she is now never going to wear because you were so self-involved you kicked her out of your life for not being involved enough in you too.
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  • edited December 2011
    Don't replace her, and you need to pay for the dress.  You kicked her out of the wedding and ended your friendship.  You'll probably get a lot of side-eye just for that.  Don't make it worse.
  • SSnaguskiSSnaguski member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I love how it's always the brides fault in situations. You think your making a great decision asking people to be part of one of the biggest days of your life and the bridesmaides make your life hell. And all of a sudden your the bridezilla.

    The comments about always talking about the wedding and being pretty much a bridezilla I am far from it.  I only talk about the wedding when others bring it up.

    And for the record I didn't kick her out; she put herself in the situation one too many times. And the funny part is the rest of the bridal party is happy about it.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-problems-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b73b731b-1f0c-4842-84a2-7e4c7b488f5cPost:c179a107-f8c6-4679-a7ee-ccfe3841ebaa">MOH Problems!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]  She turned to me and said so you don't want me to be in the wedding and I said no and I don't want you in my life. 
    Posted by SSnaguski[/QUOTE]

    ^^You are the one who told us that you kicked her out of the wedding party. ^^
    You asked what to do about the dress. You should reimburse her for it.

    If you and your wedding party are happy that she is out, then great. The cost of a dress is a small price to pay for happiness.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    i am very sorry about your situation, but honestly, if you don't want her in the wedding or your life anymore, give her all the money back and be done with her.  any other route will just give her more fuel and time on your end.  write her a check and *poof!* she'll be gone.  no obligation, you were more than generous and it's over. done. finito.

    again, so sorry you're going through this!
  • edited December 2011

    give her the money back

    DO NOT REPLACE HER

    We have 3 months to go and my MOH still hasnt got her dress yet, everyone else got theirs in February, but its not that big of a deal and we are not going to lose our freindship over it.

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