Moms and Maids

Bridesmaid issues! HELP!

Today i learned that the girl i chose for my maid of honor (my best friend of 10 years, or so i thought) just informed me that she no longer wants to be "best" friends, she didnt we couldn't be friends. So, do i continue making plans with 3 bridesmaids, with hopes she'll change her mind? or do i plan for only the 2? I've basically maid my "Second" best friend my maid of honor, she understood why i didnt orginally. Plus, shes helped me make all the current decisions that i've made. She told me not to sweat it the wedding is next year and things will turn out for the better in the long run. Can somebody help with this? I'm just so confused about this!

And another question:
I told the bridesmaids to choose their own dresses, since its a small weddinng, less than 50 people most likely. The dresses are suppose to be short and white 
(nothing over the top, that compliments my dress and colors) and accessories with be a grass green. A guest i invited told me not to use white with BM's. They may clash with my dress. Is this a bad idea?
Cheyenne & Mark / Liam & Quinn
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Re: Bridesmaid issues! HELP!

  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you want your BMs to wear white, they can wear white.  Don't let guests talk you out of your decisions.

    As for your MOH, is there a reason she doesn't want to be so close anymore?  Were you talking about the wedding nonstop?  Has something in her life changed?  It seems odd that she would just up and end the friendship. 

    Don't demote her, or make someone else MOH.  If she changes her mind, she can still be MOH, and if she doesn't want to be in the wedding then you just won't have a MOH.  Don't replace her or add another BM.

    Has she said she doesn't want to be in the wedding?  Or are you just presuming that's what she mean?  It seems a little unclear at this point.  Regardless, you have plenty of time to see what's up and figure out where your friendship is headed.  No need to make any drastic changes now.
  • edited December 2011
    Your bridesmaids can wear whatever color you want them to wear as long as they feel comfortable.

    Your original MOH sounds like she's in Kindergarten. " We're friends but not best friends so I can't be your MOH" - come on.  I'd be seriously questioning my entire friendship with her.  It sounds extremely immature.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-issues-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:bbe9ecbf-e8f8-4491-a616-57bf73e71c3bPost:0e0ba1fc-087a-4f09-a0c3-85ca46fb900e">Re: Bridesmaid issues! HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your bridesmaids can wear whatever color you want them to wear as long as they feel comfortable. Your original MOH sounds like she's in Kindergarten. " We're friends but not best friends so I can't be your MOH" - come on.  I'd be seriously questioning my entire friendship with her.  It sounds extremely immature.
    Posted by ADTonk[/QUOTE]



    All of this. Especially the immaturity part, which I can't bold b/c I'm on an iPhone.
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  • em01092em01092 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Retread, though I was ignorant of the waiting to ask BMs guideline before getting active on TK and already asked. 

    Just chillax and work on the friendships. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks!
    My MOH was chosen to be so in the 4th grade. Haha. Bit weird, yes. but She didnt hear about the wedding from me, because she wasnt returning my phone calls or emails for the last 5 months. And i got an email the other day that she'd be busy on my wedding day, and wouldnt be able to attend because she'll be in Valdez, AK fishing with her dad. The wedding is in our home town of North Pole, AK. Only about 8 hours away. So there was my second red flag. and then i posted on Facebook that she wasnt returning my phone calls, hoping someone would tell her to call me. Which made her mad, and i understand that. so, she said that she grew apart from me because i moved about 2 years ago. and we're doing a bad job of keeping in contact. She told me she talk to me in a few months.. She said she didnt support me getting married. That i was stupid to wanna do that. (stupid wasnt the word, but close enough.) She doesnt see the point in weddings when most marriages dont last.

    I have not demoted anybody as of yet. I really do not want to. My BM's are aware of the MOH status. The new MOH hasn't even replied to the offer, because we're all pretty good friends. My BM's and I have been best friends since middle school. And my MOH has been growing apart from all of us.

    I do not have to make this new MOH my MOH, but if my current MOH doesnt attend, then this girl, who is helping me with everything, should get something extra, for helping me thru all of this? Inculding my best friend "breaking up" with me.. the only way i can put it. I believe she should get something extra for her extra efforts.

    The dresses, i dont want the extra stress of choosing one, i have to raise two kids, my son, and my fiances son. So, i'm busy. I'm making decisions now because i need the extra time to gather them together as we go along. and most of the wedding accessories are DIY. because i dont have a liscense to rive places to look at things. so if i decide now, all i have to do is go at one time to pick up the items needed, because i have to drive about 2 hours to get the cheaper things.


     

    Cheyenne & Mark / Liam & Quinn
    "Alaska doesn't grow on you as much as it makes you unfit to live anywhere else"
    "Thank God For All I've Missed, Cause It Lead Me Here To This"
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  • KnibletKniblet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]She said she didnt support me getting married. That i was stupid to wanna do that. (stupid wasnt the word, but close enough.) She doesnt see the point in weddings when most marriages dont last. [/QUOTE]
    Sadly, some people will always be anti-wedding.  You cannot let that get you down at all.


    [QUOTE]I do not have to make this new MOH my MOH, but if my current MOH doesnt attend, then this girl, who is helping me with everything, should get something extra, for helping me thru all of this? Inculding my best friend "breaking up" with me.. the only way i can put it. I believe she should get something extra for her extra efforts.[/QUOTE]
    You don't need to actually label her as a MOH if it happens.  Nothing wrong with having JUST maids.


    [QUOTE]The dresses, i dont want the extra stress of choosing one, i have to raise two kids, my son, and my fiances son. So, i'm busy. 
    Posted by cheykent[/QUOTE]
    Trust me, most brides are busy and planning a wedding is just one more thing.  But I would suggest waiting to see if anything new comes out.  Also, Retread has a great point.  Unless you KNOW the maids will not get pregnant, gain weight, lose weight, etc.. it's best to wait on the dresses.  You can look all you want online.

    Are you letting the maids pick their dresses?  Have you talked to them about what they can afford?
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-issues-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:bbe9ecbf-e8f8-4491-a616-57bf73e71c3bPost:239b4ea7-33b2-4977-8984-f7a1f559ebac">Re: Bridesmaid issues! HELP!</a>:

    Thanks!
    When I called her, she answered and I asked the MOH to be my MOH she didnt answer me. I thought the call had dropped. Thats when i  realized she wasnt going to be my MOH. So, i'll just have Maids.


    [QUOTE] Also, Retread has a great point.  Unless you KNOW the maids will not get pregnant, gain weight, lose weight, etc.. it's best to wait on the dresses.  You can look all you want online. Are you letting the maids pick their dresses?  Have you talked to them about what they can afford?
    Posted by Kniblet[/QUOTE]

    One of my BM's is very religious, she believes in the "no sex before marriage" and i dont recall her ever having a boyfriend. and shes losing weight, so i told her to wait until she lost the weight she wanted to before she purchases anything.
    The other Maid, she probably wont gain weight. haha, 7 years and shes the same size shes always been. but there is a chance she could get pregnant. So, i told her to take that into consideration, so she told me she picked a dress she can wear again, and if she gets pregnant. Shes just as excited as I am about the wedding. I made it so Her and I can make or her wedding, that i wasnt able to attend because i couldnt purchase a plane ticket and she had to up her wedding 5 months before she wanted to because her family was moving to Guam.
    Cheyenne & Mark / Liam & Quinn
    "Alaska doesn't grow on you as much as it makes you unfit to live anywhere else"
    "Thank God For All I've Missed, Cause It Lead Me Here To This"
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot!
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