Afraid of my shower next sunday

broomstick88

my Mom and FMIL are thowing a joint shower for me and i'm terrified of it.

my stepmother (whom is paying a large chunk of my wedding) and my Mom (whom is paying for my cake) are going to be in a room together for the first time in 15 years. my mother, whom has been a drama llama from the beginning of this wedding process, hates my stepmom and two of the aunts that are coming. She is not the "play nice for 2 hours" kind of person, more of the "dump a drink on this b!t(h" type.

i'm so excited to have m shower and see my sisters and friends all together but i'm so nervous on how my mom is going to act. does anyone have any adive (other than "she's an adult, let her act however she wants") for me on how to run interference on her mouth. i'm having nightmares of pulled hair and dicrediting people's gift choices.

willywally5

Other than slamming a glass of wine beforehand or popping a Vicodin so ya just don't care, I got nothing.  ; )

Seriously, though, if I'm correct in assuming that your stepmother is the more rational one (since you seem worried about bio mom), maybe you could talk to her about your fears? Is she the kind that can let things roll off her back? If she doesn't react to snarky remarks from your bio mom, it will probably stop her in her tracks.

I am a step mom and my daughtrer is getting married this fall.. Her bio mom hates my guts and it will have been about eight years since we've seen/talked to each other. I have made the promise to my DD and myself that I will bite my tongue to the point of bleeding or leave the room for a 'sanity break' or whatever else it takes to avoid drama/conflict/crap with her mom. There is no way in you-know-where I will allow ridiculous drama to spoil DD and her FI's day ... they deserve it to be no less than wonderful and this includes pre-wedding events. Not only would it be a shame for the couple but causing a scene at a party somone has graciously offered to throw for you is extremely, hideously rude. She needs to mind her p's and q's. 

Crossing my fingers that your stepmom can handle it ... best of luck!!!

broomstick88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_afraid-of-my-shower-next-sunday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c06c60e4-cb76-4da9-8e63-6fbec77e1ae7Post:5b0c2360-60bc-4bb6-8aa2-cedabd8ceebe">Re: Afraid of my shower next sunday</a>:
[QUOTE]if I'm correct in assuming that your stepmother is the more rational one (since you seem worried about bio mom), maybe you could talk to her about your fears? Is she the kind that can let things roll off her back?
Posted by willywally5[/QUOTE]
 
my stepmom is a nice person but very very sensitive. i'm afraid that it won't work letting things roll off her back. i have my MOH running some interference and my little (half) sister keeping her mom away from my mom.

Also, i wanted to say how nice it is to here that you are being awesome about your DD's bio mom's craziness. i love that you call her DD and are so invilved in her wedding.

willywally5

Thanks. That is sweet of you. I firmly believe you don't have to give birth to a child to love them like your own. I prefer the term 'bonus kid' although there were days when she was a teenager I might have said differently! LOL! (Teenage girls ... ay yi yi!)

Sounds like you have a pretty good plan with the MOH and your little sis. Hopefully they can handle it so it isn't much of a bother to you! Maybe there will be a large enough crowd that it will be more manageable? 

Will send good vibes your way on Sunday and hope for the best!!!! 

willywally5

Broomstick, I PM'd you ...

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_afraid-of-my-shower-next-sunday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c06c60e4-cb76-4da9-8e63-6fbec77e1ae7Post:7ecba449-5821-4555-bd13-f0be42e51746">Afraid of my shower next sunday</a>:
[QUOTE]i'm having nightmares of pulled hair and dicrediting people's gift choices.
Posted by broomstick88[/QUOTE]

I hope this is an exaggeration because that would be awful.

Talk to your mom ahead of time about how important it is for you that everything go well. Does she have a sensible and reliable friend that could attend the shower with her? That might help, too. Otherwise, hope your sister and MOH can provide a buffer between the two women.

Good luck.

broomstick88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_afraid-of-my-shower-next-sunday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c06c60e4-cb76-4da9-8e63-6fbec77e1ae7Post:7d41029a-9151-46fd-8ccb-0b9f81dc83b2">Re: Afraid of my shower next sunday</a>:
[QUOTE]Broomstick, I PM'd you ...
Posted by willywally5[/QUOTE]

i didn't get it. it shows no messages...

willywally5

Check now!

And Maire's idea is a good one, too! Give her someone to hang with who can help keep her in line!