Bride doesn't want gifts at the "shower"

sorichsopretty

So how do I word the invitation?

I want to have a party in her honor, but she doesn't want it to be about gifts and presents. It isn't really right to call it a shower, as she does not want to be showered. She wants the get together,  but doesn't want anyone to feel like they need to get her a gift. Don't think she understands that people want to give gifts to the bride!

I could call it a bridal lucheon. I don't really know how to convey, "please come, but don't bring a gift." It seems rude to tell people what to do.

sorichsopretty

PS I apologize for the trolly nature of my screen name. I ran through my list of standards for ten minutes and got annoyed and did it to be funny and of course submitted it and I can't change it. Serves me right for not thinking it through...

[Deleted User]

I think a bridal luncheon would be appropriate. I hope the bride does realize that some people may bring her gifts anyway. Is this a second wedding or something?

SirJuliusVonHaast

I vote for 'bridal luncheon' also. Depending on the size of the event, you can probably spread by word of mouth when people R.S.V.P. (or whenever): "Jane didn't want a shower with gifts, so we're having a bridal luncheon instead". 

KermitTheKitty

My FMIL and MOH are throwing me a bridal shower, and I didn't want to seem gift grabby, so my FMIL put something on the invitations along the lines of, "we would enjoy your prensence more than your presents."

try putting something like that on the invitation if you do end up throwing something like a shower.

jessicabessica

My aunt is throwing me a bridal shower, and she is going to ask that people send a recipe or a note about marriage to her for inclusion in a keepsake book for me.  I know that a bridal shower is for presents, but we are inviting FI's out of town family, and I don't want them to feel pressured to send a gift if they cannot come (which they likely can't), so I thought this would be a nice way to allow people to do what they feel comfortable with, and I think the book will be a nice keepsake.  If you wanted to do something like this, you could make it more clear that the keepsake book would be the only gift the bride was expecting, so maybe say, "Please send sorichsopretty a favorite recipe or piece of marriage advice for inclusion in a keepsake book for the bride as her gift from this shower" or something like that. 

sorichsopretty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bride-doesnt-want-gifts-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d21fe325-fa79-4a30-a303-09647359b662Post:2de356e9-be8b-438a-941f-b3454148b843">Re: Bride doesn't want gifts at the "shower"</a>:
[QUOTE]I think a bridal luncheon would be appropriate. I hope the bride does realize that some people may bring her gifts anyway. Is this a second wedding or something?
Posted by MissySue20[/QUOTE]

First wedding for both the bride and groom. Her wedding is OOT for her, and due to scheduling constraints, the party is the week of the wedding. She could not make two trips, and they are leaving directly for their honeymoon after the wedding. I think not wanting to deal with shipping gifts is a consideration.

sorichsopretty

Well it's a potluck wedding and she already suggested guests bring the  recipe along with their dish, so that is too similar the the shower. I was planning  on doing a little keepsake book with the notes/advice and that wording is great, thanks.

SirJuliusVonHaast

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bride-doesnt-want-gifts-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d21fe325-fa79-4a30-a303-09647359b662Post:7c9a7ca2-6c3e-44ab-aac2-3385d16f4588">Re: Bride doesn't want gifts at the "shower"</a>:
[QUOTE]My FMIL and MOH are throwing me a bridal shower, and I didn't want to seem gift grabby, so my FMIL put something on the invitations along the lines of, "we would enjoy your prensence more than your presents." try putting something like that on the invitation if you do end up throwing something like a shower.
Posted by KermitTheKitty[/QUOTE]

<div>Personally, I think this is tacky. </div>

sorichsopretty

SirJVS: Yes, anything that suggests you might be expecting gifts is strictly speaking a little tacky. I would rather be the tacky one for the team. I don't want to go against her wishes.

sorichsopretty

Ugh, I'm overthinking this. I'm calling it a luncheon, not including registry cards, and letting people decide for themselves like adults if they want to bring a gift.

frogurt814

Will you be paying for the attendees at the luncheon to eat and drink?

trix1223

Wait-it's also a potluck WEDDING?  Oooh.....not good.  not good at all.

marinabreeze

I saw potluck WEDDING and I cringed...the bride needs to come to TK to get set straight on that one.  I get needing to plan a wedding on a budget, but expecting others to bring food for what is supposed to be a "thank you" for them attending the wedding (which is what a reception is) is kind of rude.

To the OP, I think calling the party a luncheon is fine.  If it's supposed to be "showery" but without the "shower" aspect, the hosts should feed the guests, though.  I know you didn't say either way, so just a heads-up.

sorichsopretty

Re: the potluck wedding. It is what her family does- very casual potluck weddings.  I know the TK stance. She is my friend, I love her. This is what they're doing, and while do admit it is inconvenient for OOT guests and the WP to have to feed themselves, it is what it is. they asked for potluck dishes instead of gifts.

To clarify: I am hosting the shower with my mom, at my house. Of course we will feed them. My mom and are are having fun planning a yummy spread that will fill them up. (a combination of our homemade specialties supplimented with a few things from my favorite local caterer ;-)

SirJuliusVonHaast

I think it's the cute rhyming aspect that I find especially tacky. Why not just mention it by WOM, or like you said just call it a luncheon and let people decide for themselves? 

reason00

It's not tacky to put something about gifts on a gift-grabbing party. A shower is specifically to get gifts, so as far as I researched, registries, gift info, etc is ok on the shower invitation.

I asked not to have any gift info on my shower invitation because I'm in the same boat with this bridesmaid's bride. I'd rather the people than the gifts...buuuut...if some bring me some gifts, I'll graciously accept!!!

sorichsopretty

Thanks for the input, everyone. I just finished addressing the invitations (my hand is cramping a little) and I am off the the post office.