my MOH just got engaged!

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:0bc32d4a-c0e9-4594-9e38-fba1adcca752">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my MOH just got engaged! : Shoo.  Go whine to mommy that she's inviting too many people to the party she's both throwing and paying for.  Let us know how that works out.  Long and short: a woman old enough and smart enough to be in grad school should also be mature enough to carry herself as an adult, both online and in wedding planning.  No one was rude to you; I'm sorry so many people had to be the bearers of bad news about how the world works.  I'm sure it was a shock to you.   I do, however, have sympathy for you getting laid off.  My DH was laid off just after we got engaged and couldn't find full-time work for nearly a year and we had to move cross-country for it.  I was a full-time student and couldn't contribute.  We lived off my student loans for a full year.  It sucks right now.  But that doesn't give you an excuse to be a brat to anyone, including your mom and us. ETA: <strong>I too have a brat's whiny insult in my sig. </strong> Actually, most people here do.  Why you're picking on trix, the salt of the earth, is beyond me.  You couldn't pick a worst target to hate--no leg to stand on.  You're the Michael Scott to Trix's Toby--your anger is irrational and just makes you look petty.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

You're lucky.  The brats who don't like me usually write novels.  Editing tends to lose the hilarity of them.

bablingbrooke

I'm sure mine was buried in a novel somewhere and I excised it.  It's an oldie; I think I've had it at least a year.

tldh

I finally gave up and changed my siggy.  I was tired of dealing with it.  The Bearcat though is not going away.  If it's too aggressive/scary for some people they can just deal.

bablingbrooke

If you're scared by a cartoon cat you've got bigger issues than a message board can help you with...

tldh

But Brooke...(quivering voice) It's a pissed off kitty cat that's in attack position.  It's claws are out to destroy PPD dreams!!!!

Muffin'sMom

How's this?  For Marie and Alndudle...if you don't like it here, please feel free to take your conversation and childish bickering to another board.  We offer thoughts and advice based on the words that you write...not the ones that you mean to say. 

And, just in case you are actually interested in our thoughts, I will walk by the mess and say this to you.  For Marie:  I understand missing your friend and being sad that she is moving.  But I will say that if you make the effort, you can keep those friends close to you for many years.  It takes work, and love, but it can be done.

slave4dance

I have to agree with the bride who posted the OP. People on here have been continually rude and its sad. I was personally the butt of being attacked on a different post - simply for expressing my opinion which was somehow taken as me being an "ungrateful whiny brat who is ill-mannered and ignorant". Now if that's not considered rude or nasty I don't know what is. We come on here to vent and get ideas not to be scolded like children. We all live in the real world where some people have to pay for their own weddings while others are fortunate enough to have others assist them if they can. Being rude and name calling isn't what we signed up for when we became a member of this site.

mariemoten129

Yes I can see where everyone looked at that post and said "wow who is this brat"

I am def on your side with the right away thought of the OP.

As I said before, it wasnt my intention to sound that way with what i wrote to you.

Actually, I was waiting for my fiance to get home as she had been out of town and when I was writing the post I was going as fast as I could, which let me tell you..... was a mistake! clearly, haha.

So yes I agree with all you girls that I did come off bratty. And I'm just stating again that I am not that way & I really didn't mean to come off like that.

thanks for the advice...

mariemoten129

agreed ...slave4Dance.

but I'm just trying to get this convo closed. because now, i'm afraid to ever post anything on here again... as before i didnt have any negative comments on any of my posts & found it useful.

please- nobody else needs to comment on this post about how i sucked in my OP.

it's noted. thanks.

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:85d6157b-ac46-445a-a81a-64fb8fa0d763">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes I can see where everyone looked at that post and said "wow who is this brat" I am def on your side with the right away thought of the OP. As I said before, it wasnt my intention to sound that way with what i wrote to you. Actually, I was waiting for my fiance to get home as she had been out of town and when I was writing the post I was going as fast as I could, which let me tell you..... was a mistake! clearly, haha. So yes I agree with all you girls that I did come off bratty. And I'm just stating again that I am not that way & I really didn't mean to come off like that. thanks for the advice...
Posted by mariemoten129[/QUOTE]

I applaud you for going back and re-reading your post like many others here told you to do. You can see now why you got the initial response you did. It's something that happens around here a lot with people who are not used to the personality of these forums.

What just happened was you got flamed. I (as well as many other regular posters here) got flamed when we first started posting. If you want to stick around, just take this as a learning experience. There are a lot of great people on these boards who are willing to give great advice. It may not always be what you want to hear, but if you can muddle through all the responses objectively you can usually get a clear idea of what people are trying to tell you.

LoveMuffins

I'm just going to ignore the Flames and drama that rudeness has caused (especially since you cleared up that you are happy for your friend and did not mean to come off the way you did) and say I would be sad too. Chances are you guys will still keep in touch and be invovled long distance in planning, but it's a little harder. I adore my FMIL and she lives four states away and I try to keep her updated on everything that's going on, but I really wish she was here to visit the reception site with us and put together the centerpieces with us, etc.

My Best Friend and I are super involved in each other's lives. When she got married I helped put together her bouquets, and we had an invitation addressing party, etc. and I would've been so sad if I'd missed out on that or if she'd moved away and missed out on doing it with me, because it's a lot of fun. One thing to remember is that, as happy as she is about being engaged and moving, she's probably just as sad to be leaving you and missing out on these things as you are that she's going. 

But since you two are such good friends, I'm sure that you'll be able to keep up with a lot through phone calls and emails, and especially through visits

AutumnFair

I have friends across the country and really things like the internet and cell phones make things a lot easier when trying to keep connected. It helps that we all return for holidays and stuff to see one another. Plus I try to make the effort to do a road trip to see them once in a while.

So try not to be too bummed about your friend leaving, like I said in my previous post, I'm sure it was more of her having all these big life changes like moving and getting engage that is making you scared that your friendship might change as well. But like Muffin's Mom, if you two both put in the effort with just chatting with one another things will work out.

mariemoten129

yeah i've never had problems with posting on here... so it just surprised me.

Pretzel: Thanks for the advice... I'm so sad that she will be so far away from me. We just got off the phone talking about how weird it's going to be having her whole life flown across the country... and we have a plan of how to be in eachother's planning of our weddings.

tldh: And i agree with you for sure!! it is SO much worse for her. so totally agreed.

[Deleted User]

Is Knibs not the moderator of this board anymore? I don't see her around here on TK much. And my month board as been dead, but she is the mod there, or at least still I think so.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:85d6157b-ac46-445a-a81a-64fb8fa0d763">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes I can see where everyone looked at that post and said "wow who is this brat" I am def on your side with the right away thought of the OP. As I said before, it wasnt my intention to sound that way with what i wrote to you. Actually, I was waiting for my fiance to get home as she had been out of town and when I was writing the post I was going as fast as I could, which let me tell you..... was a mistake! clearly, haha. So yes I agree with all you girls that I did come off bratty. And I'm just stating again that I am not that way & I really didn't mean to come off like that. thanks for the advice...
Posted by mariemoten129[/QUOTE]

**applause** to you for going back and re-reading your OP.  And **more applause** for saying that you see how it was interpreted.  And **more applause** for admitting that you could have/should have written it differently.

You've just gained a lot of respect from me.  GL on your wedding.

vicki0508

OP - if you fiancee is a girl (and from what I gather, she is) then you are both fiancees (with two e's).  That's all.  Thanks for coming back and being pretty cool about it all.

bablingbrooke

OP, I really respect you for coming back and saying that.  Thanks for clarifying everything.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:86bcf3df-b296-4565-b374-4e3a55f56576">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to agree with the bride who posted the OP. People on here have been continually rude and its sad. I was personally the butt of being attacked on a different post - simply for expressing my opinion which was somehow taken as me being an "ungrateful whiny brat who is ill-mannered and ignorant". Now if that's not considered rude or nasty I don't know what is. We come on here to vent and get ideas not to be scolded like children. We all live in the real world where some people have to pay for their own weddings while others are fortunate enough to have others assist them if they can. Being rude and name calling isn't what we signed up for when we became a member of this site.
Posted by slave4dance[/QUOTE]

Oh, you mean the thread where you said the girl should just throw her own engagement party anyway EVEN if it was rude and if you had had the money you would have done the same thing because you're parents said they were "so excited" but weren't excited enough to throw a party in your honor?

I said you sounded ungrateful. No one said what you wrote in quotes, so I have no idea what you're talking about.

You give terrible advice. Plain and simple. You can disagree all you want, but that is the truth.

mariemoten129

Thanks everyone for noting that I agreed w/everyone about it all. I meant to write that I had re-read it and it did sound bad... but I just kept defending myself. I'm usually not one to have arguments around myself, so i just kept defending, defending.. lol

I wish my stupid post didn't have SO many replies.... i feel ridiculous. lol

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:72678f92-9fdb-40e7-9b43-c3da31bd0528">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone for noting that I agreed w/everyone about it all. I meant to write that I had re-read it and it did sound bad... but I just kept defending myself. I'm usually not one to have arguments around myself, so i just kept defending, defending.. lol I wish my stupid post didn't have SO many replies.... i feel ridiculous. :( lol
Posted by mariemoten129[/QUOTE]

Seriously. Everyone does it at least once. I've done it like 20 times. Being able to come back and say, "I guess I don't really know what I was thinking," is the mature way to handle it. Brava =)

bablingbrooke

Don't feel ridiculous.  For starters, 50 responses ain't no thing on these boards.  We had one recently on WP that had something like 200. 

We've all written things differently than we intended, and I can understand getting defensive when you have a lot of people telling you all at once that you shouldn't say or do what you want to say or do.  That's where clarity and precision in writing comes in.  But like I said, it's just the internet.  It's entirely up to you how much contact you want to have with the boards and how much you'll care about what people say.  

Plus, better that you said it here and not to your friend, right?  Now if the subject comes up you may use different words than you used here, and then an actual crisis would be completely averted.  Which is the goal with the boards: better you hear it here that XYZ is a bad idea than to do it and have people you actually know and care about get upset with you.

mariemoten129

vicki: yes, my fiance is a girl. so you're satying i should write "fiancee" from now on??? I didn't know there was a difference because she's a girl. . . . ?

if that's the correct "term" then i guess i'll get on that! lol

although... i don't know if im going to remember completely, and cant stand feeling different in anyway.

oh well! -Thanks!

Manwaithiel

Yeah, marie, fiancee = female and fiance = male. That whole French langauge thing. They're all into gender conjugations.

aerinpegadrak

Yes, a female is a fiancee and a male is a fiance.  Or you could just write FI and not worry about it. 

mariemoten129

OH! haha. Alright, thank you so much!

And maybe I will write FI... i think i liked writing the whole word down ;-) hahaa

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-just-got-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8b38aa5-2069-45e5-8dab-8b981e03681bPost:1792228a-ac2c-47a4-9c71-4a7e6afe7c6b">Re: my MOH just got engaged!</a>:
[QUOTE]OH! haha. Alright, thank you so much! And maybe I will write FI... i think i liked writing the whole word down ;-) hahaa
Posted by mariemoten129[/QUOTE]
Just wait until your get to write wife!

mariemoten129

i knowww!!! crazzyyy

joiner521

......no, life goes on. You are not marrying her.  She does not make or break your wedding. Chill. Stress about poverty and war.

simplebride_24

mariemoten129 I sent you a PM.  

LD1970

OP,

My best friend moved from NJ, a few blocks from my parents' house, to Aurora, Colorado during the fall of my first year of law school in Brooklyn.  It SUCKED.  And my initial reaction was to try & get him to stay here.  It was really selfish of me, but damnit, I tried.

I remember the morning he left; he drove out to Brooklyn at some crazy hour to have breakfast with me, and then we stood in the middle of the street in front of my apartment building, both crying our eyes out.  I made him a collage and a mix tape - dorky, I know, but even though he's a guy he still has them!  He emailed me a scan of the collage about a month ago.

And yes, tape.  It was the fall of 1992.

What made that worse was that in 1992, we didn't have cell phones.  I had email and a computer, but he didn't.  There was no nationwide calling; every call cost by the minute.  So our phone bills were insane, and I was constantly running down to the post office with handwritten letters.

We're still best friends.

He's on his second wife and third kid, still lives in Colorado, and has been back a few times.  I was out there once in 1994 and in Nebraska for his first wedding several years later.  These days, we have email & FB and nationwide calling and cell phones.  And  since I'm a night owl, I appreciate the time zones and the fact that I can call him late when my local friends are all sleeping.  H met him at our wedding.

It still sucks that we can't go for coffee at 3 a.m. or go bowling on a Saturday night, but it works ok.  So yeah, I get it.  Your friend will be far, and you'll hate it, but your friendship can absolutely survive it.  And at least you've got more ways to communicate now than we had in 1992.  Good luck making it work.