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Future mother in law hates me!

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Re: Future mother in law hates me!

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    oceana919oceana919
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Unfortunately, all I got out of the OP's posts was this:



    ::sigh::

    Look, all I can tell you is the same thing other posters have been telling you (and you've been ignoring) - you will not be the same person at 18 as you are at 25. Simple as that.

    At 18, I was already a junior in college. I had a full time job. I was helping raise two kids that weren't my own. I was paying my own bills. I was building a savings account.

    Going to college changed me. Doing internships across the country changed me. Living completely on my own for the first time changed me. Life experiences - good, bad and ugly - changed me. Hell, losing my damn virginity changed me.

    That being said, who I am as a person is virtually unrecognizable from who I was at 18. Sure, I still hold on to a lot of the core values I had back then, but I've grown and matured and learned and had my heart broken and mended and broken again. My priorities - in a life, in a career, in a relationship, in my finances - have changed. All of that made me into the adult I was supposed to become, and honestly, I don't think I'd be that person today if I had married at 18.

    There was a lot of sh*t that I just knew at 18. There's a lot more that I know now that I wish I had known then.

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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    And please stop giving advice on other posts.  You clearly don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about.  I highly doubt you've even attended many weddings at age 18, you just don't know how they work.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Wow!  Just as every single one of us was at 18 years old... You are clueless!

    You have no idea who you are, who your boyfriend is or who either of you will be in 2 years, 5 years or 10 years...
    You have no concept of money and what things actually cost... (not many of us did at 18)
    You're immature and ignorant... Instead of talking, you should listen, comprehend and take the advice of people who have been there, done that and have the T-Shirt!!

    You're 18... So, how much money could you possibly be making a week?!?  I can be sure it's not enough to live on your own let alone with another person...

    If your boyfriend loses his job and is out of work for 6 months can you afford to pay ALL the bills in your house by yourself!?!  The greatest piece of advice my mother ever gave me was "never rely on a man to take care of you because if he gets tired of you and leaves, you don't want to be out on the street!" 

    Instead of acting like the CHILD that you have proven yourself to be... try listening to your 'future mother in law"... She is OLDER & WISER than you!

    or tell her to BUTT OUT and see how far that gets you!!

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    imJacksPGbellyimJacksPGbelly
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    To each their own, but I have to agree with most of the ladies that it's worth looking at it from FMILs perspective.

    I'm trying to find a way to say something in a way that you'll care to listen.  I know from experience that you probably will just tune out most of what everyone says because "they're not in your shoes, so how could they know??"

    Well, I HAVE been in your shoes.  And I WISH, more than almost anything in the world, that I had listened to reason:  I met my first husband about 4 months after I turned 18, during my second year at university.  He was 20, about to turn 21.  We met in December, started dating in January, and in March, we talked and realized we wanted to be married.  We had spent hours and hours talking each night, and felt like we really knew each other, and it was all so "perfect and magical" that someone like that existed.  We lived in a culture where it was actually pretty normal to get married at 19/20/21-- religiously, everyone was worried about pre-marital sex, so it was encouraged to marry quickly, so as not to "sin".  I wanted to be "smart", so instead of getting engaged/married right away, waited till August (when I turned 19) to announce our engagement and plans to be married the following May (just before I turned 20).

    I am not discounting the power of your emotions.  I know it's possible to be VERY strongly in love at your age. I was THERE.  What isn't possible at your age, is to know exactly who you are and who you will be 10 years from now.  I've learned personally, that what others say is true:  you don't really become fully "you" until your late 20s.

    I was on the knot while engaged and planning that wedding.  I had countless 27+ year olds telling me I was crazy, don't get married at that age, this is when you should be single, etc etc.  And I blew them off.  I knew what I wanted.  And I knew I was mature enough to handle it.  Well, only you can know yourself and what you're mature enough to handle, but you can also only know yourself.  You can't know your FI well enough, even if you two had been raised together, to know whether or not he's mature enough to really understand what it will mean to be married at this age.  People change.  People have issues to deal with as they get older, which is normally meant to happen in a person's 20s.  You find out exactly who you are and what you want out of life, something it just plain isn't possible to know, right out of high school. 

    I'm not discounting the level of emotion you feel.  I believe you that you KNOW you want to marry him, and if he's proposed, then he KNOWS he wants to marry you.  Right now you feel like nothing will ever change how you feel.  But I'm telling you, there is a huge risk in marrying so young, and adopting "pair" status as part of your identity when you've not really formed all of your own identitiy yet.  (and no, it's not a "you're immature" thing-- NO ONE has a fully formed identity that young).

    So, in 4, or 7, or 10 years from now, you will have had some more life experience, and realize that you're a different person than you were when you were 18 or 19 or even 20.  And at that point, you'll realize that your FI is probably a different person than he was, at 18 or 20.  At this age, you don't even know what it is to live by yourself, to take care of life by yourself, so how would you know what it might be like to intimately share that with another person?  So what do you do?  Hopefully you'll still be happy and in love.  Best of luck to you, if you decide to go for it.  But your odds of still having found the "right" person, when you and he are both different people in 5-10 years.. are not very good.

    Not only that, it's just not financially smart.  You both have much less chance of being successful financially if you jump into marriage now.  Don't you want him to be able to go to school or do what he needs to, to get a good job before he's financially responsible for you?  Don't you want to be able to get a job or career to contribute to your savings.. be able to buy a house instead of just rent forever?  Don't you want a few years to have fun together as a couple and save $ before the possibility of having a baby?

    For me, I wish I had let myself become "me" before getting married.  It was a difficult marriage, to say the least.  I was committed to it, but ex changed so much that it started to destroy me, and I had to get out of it.  I have a 5 yr old son who is suffering from the break-down of that marriage. 

    Bottomline: Think through this.  Like someone else said, don't get so caught up in the excitement of planning a party that you lose sight of what it's going to actually mean to be married.  I'm not saying break up and be single.  I'm just saying, give yourself some time to become YOU before being married.

    Let him give you a promise ring, wear it on your right hand, not your left.  Move in together and then plan a "couple's party" that you host together, to celebrate being together.  You can make it feel every bit as special as a reception, but significantly less expensive than a wedding.  Save up and buy a fancy dress for it.  But don't rush into being married because you're excited about the idea of a wedding, and don't want to break up with FI right now. 

    I would be willing to bet that if you went ot FILs and to your parents and said, "we don't want to rush this, but we want to do something to symbolize our committment, so what if we did a couple's party?"  That they'd be totally on board with helping you pull it together and probably be more supportive of your relationship if you were showing a little wisdom.

    I can tell you this right now:  I tell my son now, at 5 yrs old, that he's not allowed to get married till he's late 20s (like 28 or 29), or 30.  If he comes to me when he's 18 and says he's engaged, I will cry too.  So, as much as you might feel like she's not minding her own business.. just realize that she has years more wisdom than you, and she might have a reason for wishing you BOTH would wait.  Also, as others have said, she's going to be part of your family, so don't write her off.  You don't want to spend years feeling uncomfortable around her.

    I know you probably have rolled your eyes at most of what I've said and everyone else..   but at least try to consider how your life will be in 10 years if you marry now, versus if you move in together now and just put the rush for marriage on hold for another 5-10 years. Enjoy each other, not just party-planning.

    Wow, if I would have listened to advice like this when I was your age.  Hopefully you won't have to sit at the other side of the next decade after a divorce.  Hopefully you'll still be happily married.  But just consider that you might want to give yourself time.. time with FI, even if you feel completely certain.  It doesn't all have to be "right now".
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-mother-law-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:df0627de-790d-4aa2-adac-9148670e2004Post:67503880-75ab-4300-970b-990d97a29cd0">Re: Future mother in law hates me!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Future mother in law hates me! : Ditto.  I think it's extremely important to be entirely self sufficient before you are married.  <strong>That is probably one of my mom's biggest regrets.</strong>  She and my dad are still together but when they went through a rough patch many years ago, she felt trapped.  She had no education, no job skills.  In the end, it worked out but I have seen too many divorced women my mom's age who have been devasted and barely able to survive.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    My mother told me this in the midst of having a nervous breakdown because my parents divorced after 18 years together... I was 14 at the time and I never forgot her saying those words to me... To this day my mother struggles financially to keep herself afloat...

    Here's another one for you OP... What if your parents suddenly hit a financial problem and you have to loan them money?? I've had to do it... I'm sure others have as well... My mother was in the hospital over the summer and in addition to paying my own bills, I had to pay hers as well for 3 months... Would you be able to afford that??  

    You have NO IDEA of all the situations that could arise... None of us know for sure but all of the ladies here who have taken the time to give their advice can at least attest to the fact that so many different things can happen and before they lived out on their own or entered into a marriage they took these factors into consideration and have done their best to try to be prepared...
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    Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Wow.  ImJacks was bang on.  Please read and re-read her comment. 

    I am engaged after 6 months.  We'll be getting married next year.  We are both 26.  We've both changed SO MUCH since high school it's crazy.  We both have careers.  Not just a job, careers.  We are both where we want to be in life and God knows we've both been through the ringer so many times.  We are both products of broken homes and we know what it feels like. 

    Can you fall in love and know in 6 months?  Absolutely.  There is not timeline on Mr. Right.

    However, you have to first know YOURSELF before you find your other half. 
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    PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If I was his mom I'd freak too - your only 18! 

    OP you make my head hurt.  I'm glad you're waiting to get married.  You need to slow your roll.  Enjoy your engagement and grow up.  Then talk to your FMIL about the wedding.

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-mother-law-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:df0627de-790d-4aa2-adac-9148670e2004Post:ca003146-b8d9-4ec7-93fc-37caca94e678">Re: Future mother in law hates me!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Future mother in law hates me! : One of my good friends is a bit older than me (in her 50's) and she says all. the. time. that she would leave her husband if she could afford to.  Her H and I get along just fine but I'm always thinking 'douche' in the back of my mind b/c I know some of the things he does to my friend.  <strong>Trying to get a good, paying job IF you have skills is hard enough right now.  But imagine if you were an unskilled 50+ year old woman.  It saddens me.
    </strong>Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    I agree 100%... My BF is a skilled Mechanic and Tow Truck engineer with 20 years of experience and he is so underpaid it's sickening...

    My best friend got pregnant when she was 19 and now her daughter is 10 years old... She's still with her BD but she is miserable...  and I remember her saying to me 8 years ago... "You should have one"  Thank God, I didnt go the naive, "It's so cool to have Adult Responsibilites" route!!  LOL I would have missed out on so much...

    It took me 27 years to finally realize who I really am and to understand that I will not be the same person that I am today even a year from now... and to embrace that fact!

    <strong>EDIT: The saddest part of his whole thing is that we've all wasted our time and 'breath' on OP because she's gonna do what most of us did at 18.. Roll her eyes, suck her teeth and go about her wedding planning because "it's so cool to have a big party with 300 people that I dont have to pay for!!" SMH!!</strong>
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    Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Clearly you're not listening, don't want to listen and don't know anything about being an adult. 

    I also think she just wants to dress up like a princess and have a super huge big party cuz it's so fun!!!

    And yes please stop giving advice on other threads.  You don't know what you're talking about and the more things you say, the less seriously I take you. 

    what a joke

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    MandyLovesMarcMandyLovesMarc member
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-mother-law-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:df0627de-790d-4aa2-adac-9148670e2004Post:0c11ed5c-98ad-4fd6-b9be-d128053a5f65">Re: Future mother in law hates me!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not stupid, I know divorce is real. I meant that I refuse to ever get one and my fiance is the same way, we've talked about it. I think it's really sad that so many people resort to divorce instead of working on there problems together.
    Posted by greenturtlelove[/QUOTE]

    I'll bite. :)  While you may SAY, I'll never get a divorce, you don't know that.  NoONE ever says "someday, I'll be divorced, and then, I'll find someone else."  Unfortuntely, I never dreamt that my ex husband would walk out on me, and our children.  But he did.  He decided that being married wasn't for him, and I didn't have a clue that would happen until it did.  And I was YOUNG...22.  I would have an absolute coronary if it were my daughter.  I was 15 when I started dating my ex husband, and you know what...his mother is right.  I cannot imagine your parents support this?  What was their reaction??
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-mother-law-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:df0627de-790d-4aa2-adac-9148670e2004Post:28be9642-e127-4e35-8122-f3c0a0086e24">Re: Future mother in law hates me!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Future mother in law hates me! : I'll bite. :)  While you may SAY, I'll never get a divorce, you don't know that.  NoONE ever says "someday, I'll be divorced, and then, I'll find someone else."  Unfortuntely, I never dreamt that my ex husband would walk out on me, and our children.  But he did.  He decided that being married wasn't for him, and I didn't have a clue that would happen until it did.  And I was YOUNG...22.  I would have an absolute coronary if it were my daughter.  I was 15 when I started dating my ex husband, and you know what...his mother is right. <strong> I cannot imagine your parents support this?  What was their reaction??
    </strong>Posted by MandyLovesMarc[/QUOTE]

    From a post on another thread, her daddy allegedly offered her a budget of $10,000 for the dress alone.  If I had pulled this kind of crap at 18, my dad would have disowned me until I came to my senses.</div>
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    mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-mother-law-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:df0627de-790d-4aa2-adac-9148670e2004Post:28be9642-e127-4e35-8122-f3c0a0086e24">Re: Future mother in law hates me!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Future mother in law hates me! : I'll bite. :)  While you may SAY, I'll never get a divorce, you don't know that.  NoONE ever says "someday, I'll be divorced, and then, I'll find someone else."  Unfortuntely, I never dreamt that my ex husband would walk out on me, and our children.  But he did.  He decided that being married wasn't for him, and I didn't have a clue that would happen until it did.  And I was YOUNG...22.  I would have an absolute coronary if it were my daughter.  I was 15 when I started dating my ex husband, and you know what...his mother is right.  I cannot imagine your parents support this?  <strong>What was their reaction??
    </strong>Posted by MandyLovesMarc[/QUOTE]

    Well her father is going to shell out $10,000 for just her wedding dress. Apparently they think this is just GREAT!

    Edited: Trish you're too fast for me :-)
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    Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Maybe he said not to worry about money because he knows it's not going to happen and doesn't want to deal with drama of giving dear princess a real budget.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    And.....it just keeps getting better and better:

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_good-honeymoon-registry_.0
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    marissa_clairemarissa_claire member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-mother-law-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:df0627de-790d-4aa2-adac-9148670e2004Post:a091a845-0d7a-46e3-9474-54d9e67d4643">Re: Future mother in law hates me!</a>:
    [QUOTE]And.....it just keeps getting better and better: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_good-honeymoon-registry_.0" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_good-honeymoon-registry_.0</a>
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Yeah, I also just saw that she voted for someone who spammed with one of those "vote for me to win such and such" contest.

    </div>
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    Star1324Star1324
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    OP- I read through the first page and skimmed through the second and third. From what I saw you are trying to defend the fact that you are 18 and know your in love. Which may very well be true. When I meet my husband I was 18 and he was 25. We feel in love the day after we meet and have been together since.

    But we both knew that we needed to wait. People change and grow through out the years. We were together for 5 years before we were engaged and 6 years before we got married. We have had our fair share of ups and downs through out the years and you have to experince those things together to see if you can make it through the good, bad, and the ugly. Also as you get older, go to school, get jobs, move out, have large amount of bills, the list goes on, each of you will handle these things along with life changing experiences differently. If you are unable to grow with each other, your not going to make it past paying a bill. 

    Its hard to grow up alone, let alone trying to do it with someone else who is feeling and experiencing the same things for the first time. So it is your ability to grow together.

     If you two are meant to be with each other , there is no reason to rush it. I have about 3 friends that got married at 18, only knowing each other for 3-9 months. Everyone is divorced. You should at least be able to drink some champagne on your wedding day.

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    Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    She also thinks cake cutting is a position of honour for a friend
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    AngelSong76AngelSong76 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I got married at 19.  I thought I loved the guy, and was sure he loved me.  Neither of us "believed in" divorce either, and we talked extensively about it.  I got my divorce papers in the mail on my 22nd birthday.  He cheated on me and then decided he didn't want to be married anymore.  

    We were both so wrapped up in the idea of getting married and being "grownups" that we rushed into something we should have rushed into.  During our very short marriage, we had to deal with some pretty big problems.  My grandmother died, we had some serious financial problems, I dropped out of college to get a full time job, he got a new part time job and went to school full time.  It was at this job that he met the person he eventually had the affair with, and this experience showed him he didn't want to be married anymore.  Because, btw, he was gay and finally decided to admit it to himself and the world.

    So yeah, I KNEW and he KNEW, but only a couple of short years later, he was a completely different person and I was left with the ruins of a marriage we never should have gone into in the first place.

    My mother was upset, his mother was upset, but they didn't stop us because they knew they probably couldn't.  

    Live a little before you make this commitment.  I know it seems like you will just explode if you don't do it RIGHT NOW, but don't let that derail your life.  It took a long time for me to recover from the experience.  

    I am finally with a good man.  I am 33 years old and he is 28.  His mother doesn't like me all that much either, btw, but it has nothing to do with us being too young (she doesn't like that I've been married before) but being older and wiser (hehe) I am better able to deal with that.  

    My advice (from someone who has been there) is to stay together but don't get married until you are at least 25.  Go to college.  Start a career.  Gain confidence in yourself as a person, as an adult, and as a woman.  Learn what you want out of life, and let him do the same.  You will be different people when you're 25.  Those people may or may not be compatible.
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    laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-mother-law-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:df0627de-790d-4aa2-adac-9148670e2004Post:0c11ed5c-98ad-4fd6-b9be-d128053a5f65">Re: Future mother in law hates me!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not stupid, I know divorce is real. I meant that I refuse to ever get one and my fiance is the same way, we've talked about it. I think it's really sad that so many people resort to divorce instead of working on there problems together.
    Posted by greenturtlelove[/QUOTE]
    There's so much wrong with this. So much. You know why lots of people get divorced? BECAUSE THEY GET MARRIED WHEN THEY'RE 18.
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-mother-law-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:df0627de-790d-4aa2-adac-9148670e2004Post:24c30a5a-bf4b-422d-ad0a-d2134013185b">Re: Future mother in law hates me!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Future mother in law hates me! : Oh, yes.  It's gotta be this.  Her daddy probably knows he's gotta BSC drama queen on his hands and it would be easier to let her think that's she's going to have her OMG very special platinum wedding day.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]
    Nah, my money is on Dad presuming that the relationship isn't going to survive.  So he can promise a billion-dollar party, but he knows he's not going to have to pay a dime.

    That's if this isn't a big giant troll.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_add-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6861789-290d-48ee-a21d-2c85f076e21bPost:ad2298e7-5d80-49d8-ac39-ae6eda80b98d">Re: You know you have ADD when....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Over in Mandy's poll to Rosie, clicking on the second page was taking me to the second page of Greenturtles "FMIL hates me" thread! So maybe she won't come here, we'll just be sent there.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]
    Haha! TK is MAKING us read her threads. Awesome. I think it's someone's AE. The Red Lobster in the proposal story is what makes me think that. I don't know why.

    ETA: glitch. TK kicked my post over here, but I guess it's just as appropriate here as in the other thread I meant to post it in.
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
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    GhotiGhoti
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    OP, I know you don't believe anyone, but let me try to add a little more. At 18, you are legally allowed to smoke cigarettes. That's about it. You can't rent a car, you can't drink or buy alcohol, you can't go to clubs and get hit on by skeevie guys or learn how to score free drinks, you wont even be able to legally have a toast or drink at your wedding. You most likely can't afford rent on your own place, you've never experienced a diet of Cup O Noodles for a week due to a higher than expected gas bill. It sounds like you've never wanted something REALLY bad, and not been able to have it because you have to pay rent or buy groceries or make sure the electric stays on. These are all part of the wonderful 18-23 ish years. If you skip that and settle for a guy you've "known" 6 months (which I guarantee you do not know everything about this guy you're about to commit the rest of your life to), you'll not only miss the good stuff, but you wont develop the tools to deal with the bad stuff. And neither will he, for that matter. Take a step back, love the guy, but live your life for YOU for at least a couple more years. It's not even about the studies or divorce, its all about the fact that you haven't had a chance to discover yourself yet. Anyway, good luck! And be courteous to your FI's parents, they've loved your FI longer than you have :)
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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-mother-law-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:df0627de-790d-4aa2-adac-9148670e2004Post:3179b537-efdb-4198-afff-1f2665cfe6e8">Re: Future mother in law hates me!</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are both 18 and are adults now so I don't see the problem, we aren't kids anymore. I accidentally picked 2013 and I don't know how to change it, we are getting married in 2012. I don't see why I can't get a dress now or at least try them on I'm excited about getting married and having a big party isn't everyone?
    Posted by greenturtlelove[/QUOTE]

    You are totally right!  Don't listen to any of these old hags, go ahead and get married becuase love is love, right?  They probably don't even know what love is!  They are all just jealous that you found someone at 18 and they didn't until they were soooooooo much older, like 20 or something.

    By the very mature tone of your posts, your marriage is definitely going to last forever, I mean, you are an adult...you already know everything there is to know.  Plus, you don't even have to think about actual marriage right now anyways, getting married is just all about the dress and the party anyways, right?

    ^sarcasm^  Be sure to fill us in on your divorce later...
    Anniversary
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    lavieboheme73lavieboheme73
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sometimes, a picture is worth a  thousand words. 

    Turtle...more this:




    Less this:





    Seriously, consider for just a moment something my Grandma always used to say.."if everyone's telling you the same thing, you should probably stop to consider that it might be true." 

    Marriage at 18, or even 20 is almost never a good idea.  The fact of the matter is, 80% percent of 18-year-old brides are fully convinced that they are one of the less than 10% who will live happily ever after.  Do the math.  It doesn't add up.  I know, because I was one of those 18 year old brides.  Just like you, no one could tell me otherwise.  Unlike you, I didn't resort to the temper tantrum behavior of a two year old, and I damn sure didn't spend 10 grand on a dress! 

    Guess what?  I'm now planning my second marriage. Care to guess how that engagement at 18 worked out?

     I now have a daughter your age, and another daughter who's a year younger.  My younger daughter has been in a stable relationship for almost 2 years now, not 6 months, and I love the guy to death. I'm fully confident that he would take excellent care of her if they were living together, but I still wouldn't give them the ok to do so.  As for my oldest, I suspect you and she have a lot in common.  She can't even take care of the family dog, much less herself.  You couldn't PAY me enough to give my blessing to her getting married.  I'd be doing a whole lot more than crying if she came home with a ring on her finger right now!

    Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you SHOULD...shoot, if you follow your logic that you're 18, so you're old enough, and that means you should jump right in, why don't you also go into the military, and while you're at it, buy yourself a pack of cigarettes and start smoking?  You can do both those things when you're 18, too, you know...don't miss any opportunity...live life to the fullest and have it your way!  After all, no one knows your life better than you, right?

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    Best granddaughter ever: Everleigh Brielle, born 01.04.2012

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    lmwilberlmwilber member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    lavie, I think I love you!

    Turtle,
    Grow up, cause right now, I feel sorry for the poor boy who's gonna divorce your spoiled immature lil'a$$. Though my money is on him wising up in the next 8-12 months and dropping you b/c all you care about is a wedding and not a relationship.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers LilySlim Fitness goals tickers
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    lharri12lharri12 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    MUD
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You know what stuns me most about greenturtle?  If she's real (and I sadly suspect she is), within two hours of being totally engaged, she managed to p!ss off her FMIL, worry about dress shopping, try to find a HM registry and participate in threads on several different boards.

    Perhaps it's just me, but the night I was engaged, I was spending time with my DH.  When my kids got engaged, they didn't race to a wedding website to start posting.  I haven't heard about the FI here, except that he's also a teenager.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    alexgurly05alexgurly05
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Take a few steps back, Turtle.

    Do you have any idea how many kids "know" who they are supposed to be with at 18? What exactly is your rush? A wedding is a wonderful and exciting thing, but have thought past that? Because it's going to get a hell of a lot harder.

    And believe me, I get high school sweethearts. I met my fiance when I was 16 and started dating him when I was 17. We went to separate colleges two hours away and kept up a long-distance relationship. We were able to get our degrees, have our own lives and experiences, and still maintain our relationship.

    After a year and a half of finally living in the same ZIP code, he proposed. When we get married next year, I'll be 24 and he'll be 25.

    The time we spent apart was definitely rough, but we both grew and learned a lot about ourselves. I can think of no fathomable reason why you would want to skip what could be the best years of your life.
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-mother-law-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:df0627de-790d-4aa2-adac-9148670e2004Post:6789933c-ac30-4f95-991d-50737413f664">Re: Future mother in law hates me!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Future mother in law hates me! : This is all a joke, right? Someone making up a fake profile and having some fun? I mean...really!?!?
    Posted by ehighley[/QUOTE]

    If this is a troll she has managed to infuriate me more than any other.  I spent a good part of today chasing her on other threads telling OPs not to listen to her ridiculous answers because she has no idea what she's talking about.  Most trolls at least have the common decency to stay under their own bridge.

    And the night I got engaged, I was otherwise occupied with more fun activities than pissing off the FILs and internet talks.  We didn't even tell anyone we were engaged until the next afternoon when we finally forced ourselves out of bed.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
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    oceana919oceana919
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-mother-law-hates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:df0627de-790d-4aa2-adac-9148670e2004Post:20da3058-d4c5-40dd-b76a-68a36379383a">Re: Future mother in law hates me!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Future mother in law hates me! : If this is a troll she has managed to infuriate me more than any other.  I spent a good part of today chasing her on other threads telling OPs not to listen to her ridiculous answers because she has no idea what she's talking about.  Most trolls at least have the common decency to stay under their own bridge. <strong>And the night I got engaged, I was otherwise occupied with more fun activities than pissing off the FILs and internet talks.  We didn't even tell anyone we were engaged until the next afternoon when we finally forced ourselves out of bed.</strong>
    Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

    tldh FTW

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    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

    Planning / Married / Blog

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