Choosing Bridal Party Difficulties

CowboyLvr

For starters my FI and I are only having 60 people max at our wedding, and decided on 2 attendants each.  Ultimately I have 4 close friends and my FI's sister who I would consider asking to stand up for me.  Should I ask based on who's most likely to attend (due to distance/jobs)?  Should I ask based on who's more financially able to cover the related expenses (dress, shoes, hair, etc)?  Also one is obese (to be blatantly honest) and I have no clue what would flatter her or what she'd be comfortable in. . .I've never seen bridesmaids advertised with a model above a size 6.  I understand the advice is typically to ask who you're closest to, but I consider each friend to be equally close, and I want each bridesmaid to feel and look her best.

Maggie0829

The only reason you need to ask someone to be in your WP is that they are close and loving friends/family members.  No other reasons should sway your decision.

ashlidie

Poor big girl, being considered because of her weight.  I really hope you are not serious on that one...

I don't know that you are too early, but maybe wait another couple months to be safe.  Relationships change quickly.  People I thought were definitely going to be standing when I was engaged in Feb. (on both sides) may not even be invited to the wedding now.  No real reason, but just never get to see them anymore and have grown apart.  

Secondly, I agree with the others on paper.  I think if you are concerned about anything, like cost or distance, it isnt your call.  Start with the two girls you want to be with you the most no matter what and ask them.  When you do, perhaps say "I would really love for you to be my bridesmaid.  Now I realize you just xyz so you may not be able to afford the dress, shoes, hair, etc.  So if you are worried about the financial burden, I will not be upset and completely understand if you have to decline the offer but would still love if you could perhaps perform a reading during the ceremony (for example)."

This way, she recognizes you aren't trying to dig her into a financial hole, but she gets to decide if her finances keep her out of the party instead of you making that decision for her.

CowboyLvr

Aslidie, thanks for helping with wording. . .sometimes I can be rather blunt or too focused to know what to say to ensure no one is hurt.   Very true how relationships can change, I just started thinking about this so that I could decide as well as ask with enough time for the ladies to decide/make arrangements/save/etc.   

graysquirrel

I don't think that any of the issues listed are completely necessary to consider. I understand that you don't want to add strain to any difficult financial situations, but adults should be able to make their own choices. If someone doesn't feel up to buying the dress or taking off work, she should be able to decide that. It would be a shame to not ask someone who is a great friend simply because she doesn't have much money, or because she is rather large to fit a certain dress type. Wait a while and then pick those you are the closest to. If you don't want the other 2 left out, you could always have them do a reading.