Frustrated with my BM's

hockeywithadiamond

I have 4 bridesmaids and they are a mix of family and really good friends.  I recently sent out an e-mail about BM dresses and NO ONE responded.

I chose the two birds bridesmaid dresses and even pre-paid half of everyones dresses $150 each to help with the costs.  

I'm really frustrated and hurt that none of them even so much as responded and said thanks I'll let you know when I order mine!  Below is the e-mail I sent...did I do something offensive?? They don't have to be ordered until April sometime but I just think they should have replied somehow?!

----------------------------------------

Hey ladies!  

I'm pretty sure I talked to all of you regarding the bridesmaid dresses I've decided on.  It's the two birds dress in their new navy blue Sapphire.  

http://www.twobirdsbridesmaid.com/dress/classic

We have set up an account with the company were I've paid $150 of each of your dresses.  I originally said it would be David's Bridal and much cheaper, so I hope this helps!  

I have been working with XXXXXXXX at their headquarters in NYC and she is who you should get a hold of when you're ready to pay the other half.  

There is the option to buy a bandeau, which is a tube top that matches the fabric and color but gives you extra coverage and support.  I suggest when you guys call you discuss your body types/height with them and they can guide you to the best possible fit.  They only have two sizes so it shouldn't be too difficult to find one that works.

We can decide later how you guys want to tie the tops but from what I gathered most of you liked the one shoulder grecian top so that works for me but you're more than welcome to try different styles and do whatever you're most comfortable with.  

As far as shoes, I was hoping to go with short UGG types but I'm going to keep looking around and decide on that later.  The dresses take around 5 months to make and ship so I want to make sure we get those ordered with plenty of time.  

 

Let me know if you have any questions and when you've ordered the dress!  

 

Love,

me

beardownbchs

Did you discuss their budgets with them beforehand? You should have. 

When did you email this to them? Give 'em at LEAST a few days. I don't check my personal email more than once a week.

Did any of them try on this dress or did you just come out of the blue with it? I'd be kind of upset if I didn't get to try on the dress before.

If you want them to wear specific shoes, you need to buy them. Not as their gift for being a BM. 

No where in the email anything about anything except buying these dresses and shoes. No, "Hope you guys are doing well!" No, "Thank you for being a part of my big day I'm so thankful!". It was just basically a list of instructions. I wouldn't have responded until I bought the dress. 

hockeywithadiamond

Jeez... have none of you seriously heard of two birds dresses??  Their website is opening just fine...probably just your problem.  It's the dress that you can tie a dozen different ways and seriously looks good on all body types.

And of course I asked about budget.  I'm not an idiot.  I texted each bride and talked to them about the dress and they all loved it, they even liked the same style.  Thanks for the assumptions there girls really supportive. 

And I definitely checked with everyone prior.  They had it down to two options they liked and I decided to go with the two birds one but thanks for assuming I didn't even check with my own family and best friends.

Forget I ever asked anything here.... Didn't think even the moderators would be this judgy.

IT was a group e-mail so I didn't include a personal note, I did that in a phone message that afternoon giving them a heads up about the dresses and that they're ready to be ordered whenever they're ready to.  

If I had known y'all would be snarky about this I would have steered clear of this message board....my bad for thinking I would have some support here.

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:7783ade1-331d-444c-9730-686084edc509">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]Jeez... have none of you seriously heard of two birds dresses??  Their website is opening just fine...probably just your problem.  It's the dress that you can tie a dozen different ways and seriously looks good on all body types. And of course I asked about budget.  I'm not an idiot.  I texted each bride and talked to them about the dress and they all loved it, they even liked the same style.  Thanks for the assumptions there girls really supportive.  And I definitely checked with everyone prior.  They had it down to two options they liked and I decided to go with the two birds one but thanks for assuming I didn't even check with my own family and best friends. Forget I ever asked anything here.... Didn't think even the moderators would be this judgy. IT was a group e-mail so I didn't include a personal note, I did that in a phone message that afternoon giving them a heads up about the dresses and that they're ready to be ordered whenever they're ready to.   If I had known y'all would be snarky about this I would have steered clear of this message board....my bad for thinking I would have some support here.
Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Woah. Relax. Neither of us were in the least big snarky. We were asking relevant questions and giving you feedback, which you asked for. </div><div>
</div><div>Get over yourself.</div><div>
</div>

beardownbchs

Also, did they respond to your voicemail? Because if they did, they have absolutely no reason to respond to this email. If someone calls you and you miss the call so they send you a text, do you both call and text them back? I doubt it. This is the same thing. 

hockeywithadiamond

Would I be on here if they had called me back?  How about you get over yourself and stop assuming I'm an idiot bride.

You were snarky and it was not appreciated.  Advice on if I should call them seeing as I sent this e-mail in November would be appreciated.  But I guess that would be too much to ask.

You assumed I didn't talk to them about budget, you assumed I didn't check with them about the dress first and you assumed I'm a needy super (whatever) which I am not.  None of that was helpful advice or feedback.

hockeywithadiamond

November.  And I have heard NOTHING from any of them about it.  

Thanks anyways for the "help"

hockeywithadiamond

I didn't think there was a need to mention all of that in my original post since I thought it was a no brainer that I would have checked with my friends about this.

They seem fine talking about anything else but when I bring up the wedding they just try and change the subject.

At this point I really am considering getting my $600 back and politely informing them that they are no longer needed for the wedding.

I didn't think planning a wedding would be this freaking caddy but I'm over it.  I thought they would be excited to stand up next to me and they all seemed it when I first asked them but now it's like pulling teeth to find anything out about the wedding.

JaxInBlue

I'm a little confused from your follow up posts.  Did you send the message in November?  Do the bridesmaids know that they have until April to order?  If they do, the inaction might be because they are waiting until then.  It's post-holidays, budgets might be tight, they may see it as having time before they need to think about this.

If you are concerned that people's budgets have changed and/or if you sent the message in November are concerned people may have lost track of it since then, I'd follow up with a phone message or email (whichever is the bridesmaids prefered method of communication) to see how things are and ask if they need the contact information.

Edit: spelling

hockeywithadiamond

I've worn them personally and have a large chest and they're fine.  Your comment about the quality or if they are a chinese company is really not helpful seeing as I have already done a lot of research, used this company before, and made the decision.

MobKaz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:84c7d344-d99e-48df-9aa1-a26155bde77f">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't think there was a need to mention all of that in my original post since I thought it was a no brainer that I would have checked with my friends about this. <strong>They seem fine talking about anything else but when I bring up the wedding they just try and change the subject.</strong> At this point I really am considering getting my $600 back and politely informing them that they are no longer needed for the wedding. I didn't think planning a wedding would be this freaking caddy but I'm over it.  I thought they would be excited to stand up next to me and they all seemed it when I first asked them but now it's like pulling teeth to find anything out about the wedding.
Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]

<div>When talking about the wedding, does the subject of dresses come up?  It does seem curious that NONE of your BM's have brought up the email or the subject of dresses.  Is there a chance the email was never received?</div>

nsweare

Honestly I didn't think anyone was being snarky or rude with their responses. Try some of the other boards if you want to read mean, nasty and snarky responses. They are pretty shockingly nasty. Anywho, I don't think there was anything wrong with your email and it was considerate of you to pay half the dress. I would just give your girls a little more time. If they have until April to order, they may be waiting until then and will let you know when they order them. If you haven't heard from them by the end of the week feel free to send a follow-up email just making sure everyone received the first. Good Luck

Weezy56

Please calm down. You are getting defensive for no reason. Nobody accused you of anything, they were just asking questions that you didn't address in your OP. And remember, nobody is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are.

[Deleted User]

I have a feeling I'm going to be told I'm being rude here, but, oh well.

I'd leave it be. Is it annoying they didn't repsond? Sure. But no one's going to be as into or excited about your wedding as you are. They probably all read the email, went "ok, cool," marked it on their calendar and moved on. Perhaps they got it while at work or in the middle of something else. It's not their wedding so they're not as amped - they just figured they'd get the dress in time and call it a day. FWIW, I think one of my BMs responded when the dress had been decided on. I so far know that two have ordered/received the dresses. I trust they'll get it so...I haven't even bothered asking. They got the message and it's not worth bugging them unless they get too close to a deadline.

Also, JUST ASKING, but did you ask them about shoes before or was this the first you mentioned it? I have a particular loathing for uggs and, if this was the first I heard, I probably would have avoided emailing to not say anything negative but also hope you'd change your mind. So, if you hadn't asked them about that yet, that might have been something which put them off from responding.

Summer2011Bride

OP you seem like you came in expecting a fight with how defensive you got. No one was in any way rude to you, and I actually find your reactions to be very rude. Also saying thanks for the "help" when the previous posters did take the time to type out very helpful responses is pretty rude too. You need to calm down a bit.

FWIW, I can't access the site either so I don't think it's storms or one person's computer. Maybe check the link. If your friends seem willing to talk until you bring up the wedding, then obviously it's a wedding issue. Perhaps even if they said originally the budget's OK, their money situation changed and it's not anymore and they are scared or embarrassed to say that. Perhaps they are just tired of talking wedding all the time. Even if you don't think you are, you may be in their eyes. No one else will get as excited about your big day as you are, so even mentioning it in passing during every conversation might be too much for some people. And NO, before you get all honked off about "assumptions," I am not saying you are doing this, I am saying we sometimes don't realize IF we are.

ETA: If you are telling them to wear a certain type of shoe, make sure you are footing the bill for those shoes.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:41124f3b-fcfb-4ac0-b06a-f57fa7594ace">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]ETA: If you are telling them to wear a certain type of shoe, make sure you are footing the bill for those shoes.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

<strong>FOOTING</strong> the bill. Ha.

(sorry...really long day at work. I'm loopy)

melb2013

Wow, OP, I'll be snarky here since you went off into crazy town immediately.  People were simply ASKING QUESTIONS about important information that you did not include.  They did not ASSUME, they ASKED.  You seriously need to chill out.  Do you react like this ever time some asks you a question?  If so, I'd imagine you'd be a very stressed out person.

Since you sent this a while ago, I suggest you call your friends and make sure they are all on the same page.  

I know you meant well, but please refrain from those group emails in the future.  It comes off as impersonal and a little bridezilla real quick.  These are your friends, just tell them things they need to know when you would normally talk to them.  Then you have a chance to discuss it and make sure they are on the same page.  I'm assuming you normally talk to them since they are your friends.

Did you discuss the shoe thing with them?  JUST ASKING, not assuming.  Are all uggs boots, btw.  When I think uggs, I think suede winter boots.

Xstatic3333

I sent an email to my BMs a couple of weeks ago confirming when I'd scheduled our shopping appointment for and nobody replied to me, either. It didn't really demand a reply, so I wasn't too worried. Then, while chatting with one of my friends she said something that made me realize I'd never actually sent it. For whatever reason, it saved in my drafts folder. I did send it at that point, and only got 3 replies out of 6. I wouldn't worry about it, some people just don't do email.

Viczaesar

Good grief, hockey, if you're this pleasant about everything related to your wedding no wonder they don't want to reply to your email. And for the record, that dress does NOT look good on everyone.

Peledreamsofrain

Holy guacamole, I wouldn't talk to you either if you are this aggressive and nasty about simple questions.  

NYCMercedes

Hey Hockeywith, were you expecting everybody to just say: Poor Baby. Your bridesmaids are the pits. You are entirely right to be frustrated with your bridesmaids? If none responded to you and all won't talk to you about the dress, maybe all of them are not all in the wrong. You got support. You just didn't like it.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:172e73bd-45d3-462e-b5dc-f32bce0ba129">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, OP, I'll be snarky here since you went off into crazy town immediately.  People were simply ASKING QUESTIONS about important information that you did not include.  They did not ASSUME, they ASKED.  You seriously need to chill out.  Do you react like this ever time some asks you a question?  If so, I'd imagine you'd be a very stressed out person. Since you sent this a while ago, I suggest you call your friends and make sure they are all on the same page.   I know you meant well, but please refrain from those group emails in the future.  It comes off as impersonal and a little bridezilla real quick.  These are your friends, just tell them things they need to know when you would normally talk to them.  Then you have a chance to discuss it and make sure they are on the same page.  I'm assuming you normally talk to them since they are your friends. <strong>Did you discuss the shoe thing with them?  JUST ASKING, not assuming.  Are all uggs boots, btw.  When I think uggs, I think suede winter boots.
</strong>Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

I was just privy to some info that Uggs has a bridal line.  Yes, a bridal line.  Here is the link <a href="http://www.uggaustralia.com/i-do-wedding-shoe-collection/the-i-do-collection,default,sc.html" rel="nofollow">CLICK!</a>

OP, you are really considering having your BMs wear Uggs with their BM dresses?  I guess I just can't invision a nice BM dress being paired with Uggs.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:0d5328d0-292b-4ab3-ada2-f10b3d2dd91b">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated with my BM's : I was just privy to some info that Uggs has a bridal line.  Yes, a bridal line.  Here is the link CLICK! OP, you are really considering having your BMs wear Uggs with their BM dresses?  I guess I just can't invision a nice BM dress being paired with Uggs.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

HA I totally stumbled across these a few days ago and (jokingly) sent them on to one of my BMs who had asked me about shoes. I find them ridiculous (sorry if anyone likes them but I nearly snorted my coffee from laughing).

beardownbchs

Hahahaaha. Those are TERRIBLE.

I wore a bright orange dress as a bridesmaid a few months ago and when I was shoe shopping I saw those hideous sparkly uggs. I texted a picture to the bride as a joke and we both laughed pretty hard.

melb2013

 not my cup of tea.  I'd think a bride was nuts if she wanted me to wear those.

ladytori

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:84c7d344-d99e-48df-9aa1-a26155bde77f">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't think there was a need to mention all of that in my original post since I thought it was a no brainer that I would have checked with my friends about this. They seem fine talking about anything else but when I bring up the wedding they just try and change the subject. At this point I really am considering getting my $600 back and politely informing them that they are no longer needed for the wedding. I didn't think planning a wedding would be this freaking caddy but I'm over it.  I thought they would be excited to stand up next to me and they all seemed it when I first asked them but now it's like pulling teeth to find anything out about the wedding.
Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]

Woah! You are not having bridemaids because they didn't respond to your email?

It was nice of you to offer to pay half for their dresses. They may not be able to afford the rest of their dresses. Did you privately ask them what's their budget?

Are your bridesmaids wearing real uggs or "ugg" style shoes? Real uggs can cost $150 or more on top of the dress cost.

beardownbchs

I can't imagine what OP's children will think when they look at her wedding pictures with these pretty dresses and then these ridiculous boots. Probably the same things I thought when I saw my mom's pictures with her wearing a lace turtleneck and lace sleeves with giant bubbles on the shoulders.

nycrose2013

So many things wrong with this post.

1. Uggs with TwoBirds? really?

2. TwoBirds? Really? WITHOUT TRYING THEM ON?! Goodness gracious. I am currently being forced to wear a two birds dress and No, they do not look good on everyone. In fact, they look good on very few people. There is no inner construction, little to-no ability to wear a bra, and are completely revealing.

Dont even get me started on their ridiculous "bandeau" that supposedly solves all those problems. It doesn't. In fact, it creates a whole new set of problems. It shows every lump and bump, and makes whatever girl who has to wear it to cover up some body issues (big chest, need to wear a bra, uncomfortable about their entire back being exposed) look like a mormon child bride in a frumpy fabric tube (no offense, of course, to Mormon child brides) I have said it before on here and I'll say it again; if all of your BMs are over 5'5 and flat chested and 100 pounds, they will look AWESOME in the dress. If not, you are going to have some cranky bridesmaids on hand. Don't worry though, I am sure they are all too afraid of you to actually say that to your face

Also, an average ballgown length twobirds is over 300$ for a stretch jersey skirt with two strips of fabric attached. You got conned.

Basically, you were really rude and presumptuous to your "friends" and now you want  everyone on here to cower to you and your bad decisions. Good luck

LDubHawksFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:0d5328d0-292b-4ab3-ada2-f10b3d2dd91b">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated with my BM's : I was just privy to some info that Uggs has a bridal line.  Yes, a bridal line.  Here is the link CLICK! OP, you are really considering having your BMs wear Uggs with their BM dresses?  I guess I just can't invision a nice BM dress being paired with Uggs.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Oh heck no!  Those are so ugly (so OP if you really like them).  And for $125?!  That was the cost of the BM dresses for my girls.  Yikes.

MairePoppy

Hockey - I didn't comment earlier because you over reacted to the honest comments that were already given. Please remember, you are the one who came here and asked opinions about the message you sent to your friends. Maybe your bms have experienced your wrath and are afraid to be truthful.

My theory: your bms are wondering why you put $150 down on each of their dresses to help them save money, then you turn around and suggest they spend $150 + on boots. That's a lot of money to spend on someone else's wedding. Plus, they might not like UGGS.

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:59058b98-b1e7-4555-97c1-bed31b2fb53b">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]So many things wrong with this post. 1. Uggs with TwoBirds? really? 2. TwoBirds? Really? WITHOUT TRYING THEM ON?! Goodness gracious. I am currently being forced to wear a two birds dress and <strong>No, they do not look good on everyone. In fact, they look good on very few people. There is no inner construction, little to-no ability to wear a bra, and are completely revealing. Dont even get me started on their ridiculous "bandeau" that supposedly solves all those problems. It doesn't. In fact, it creates a whole new set of problems. It shows every lump and bump, and makes whatever girl who has to wear it to cover up some body issues (big chest, need to wear a bra, uncomfortable about their entire back being exposed) look like a mormon child bride in a frumpy fabric tube (no offense, of course, to Mormon child brides) I have said it before on here and I'll say it again; if all of your BMs are over 5'5 and flat chested and 100 pounds, they will look AWESOME in the dress.</strong> If not, you are going to have some cranky bridesmaids on hand. Don't worry though, I am sure they are all too afraid of you to actually say that to your face Also, an average ballgown length twobirds is over 300$ for a stretch jersey skirt with two strips of fabric attached. You got conned. Basically, you were really rude and presumptuous to your "friends" and now you want  everyone on here to cower to you and your bad decisions. Good luck
Posted by nycrose2013[/QUOTE]

This is what I was thinking. The material looks SO thin and most, if not all the ways to wear it show A LOT of back. It looks like it would show every single lump and bump. I'm only a few pounds over my ideal weight and I would be horribly embarrassed to wear that.