Frustrated with my BM's

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:84dd5790-476e-4dc1-ab4b-4112866dbe49">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]I said nothing about the UGGS because she was so offended earlier....but that's something you should definitely re-think. Why pair a beautiful dress with clunky shoes? The wrong footwear ruins the look of an outfit.  Those aren't attractive even for casual wear.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I was surprised at the restraint you showed in this thread. You usually don't shy away from expressing your opinions. I really admire you for that. Even though I dont't always agree with what you say, I like seeing your prospective. Have the Knot Gods been cracking down on the mods or something?

You're doing a great job on the Moms and Maids board, despite all the weird situations that have arisen lately. I'm glad you accepted the position.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:59058b98-b1e7-4555-97c1-bed31b2fb53b">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]So many things wrong with this post. 1. Uggs with TwoBirds? really?<strong> 2. TwoBirds? Really? WITHOUT TRYING THEM ON?! Goodness gracious. I am currently being forced to wear a two birds dress and No, they do not look good on everyone. In fact, they look good on very few people. There is no inner construction, little to-no ability to wear a bra, and are completely revealing. Dont even get me started on their ridiculous "bandeau" that supposedly solves all those problems. It doesn't. In fact, it creates a whole new set of problems. It shows every lump and bump, and makes whatever girl who has to wear it to cover up some body issues (big chest, need to wear a bra, uncomfortable about their entire back being exposed) look like a mormon child bride in a frumpy fabric tube (no offense, of course, to Mormon child brides) I have said it before on here and I'll say it again; if all of your BMs are over 5'5 and flat chested and 100 pounds, they will look AWESOME in the dress. If not, you are going to have some cranky bridesmaids on hand. Don't worry though, I am sure they are all too afraid of you to actually say that to your face Also, an average ballgown length twobirds is over 300$ for a stretch jersey skirt with two strips of fabric attached. </strong>You got conned. Basically, you were really rude and presumptuous to your "friends" and now you want  everyone on here to cower to you and your bad decisions. Good luck
Posted by nycrose2013[/QUOTE]

Not sure if you have seen the David Tutera wedding show on WE but he uses these dresses all of the time and they are always hidieous on almost every single BM.  Gah, the ones with the ugly rosettes at the bottom.  Ick.

mandi195

Side note, those dresses look great on the models, but I hate them. I"m tall and thin, and still it shows every little flaw in your body, regardless of how you tie it. Just an opinion from someone who actually had to wear it.

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:07524a2b-1988-4e9d-8f7f-1983a1d00239">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated with my BM's : I was surprised at the restraint you showed in this thread. You usually don't shy away from expressing your opinions. I really admire you for that. Even though I dont't always agree with what you say, I like seeing your prospective. Have the Knot Gods been cracking down on the mods or something? You're doing a great job on the Moms and Maids board, despite all the weird situations that have arisen lately. I'm glad you accepted the position.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

copy and paste, signed me!  I was thinking exactly the same thing!!!  Retread was like a saint or something.

libby18bell

Ok aside from how horrible the dresses are because they don't support a women at all, especially if she wants to dance the night away.  Ingoring how rude you reacted when people asked you common questions like when you sent the email, yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, etc.  But seriously, you expect your girls to now spend $100 + on shoes that even though I love love shoes, I think these would look horrible for a wedding unless you are getting married on top of a mountain that is and it's snowing out.  You want your girls to wear what you think are elegant dresses, but snow boots?  Am I lost?

Also if you sent me that email, I would see why I had to respond except for a thank you for paying the additional money.  Have you called your contact person to see if any of the girls have ordered their dress?  They have until April to order, it's January, so maybe they have ordered them or are waiting a little longer.

swimmy1988

I've sent out a few group emails to my bridesmaids. Then I realized that they don't check their personal emails as frequently as I do (I keep a tab with my email open while I'm using the computer). So I either texted them, met with them in person or sent facebook messages. You mentioned texting them before, and maybe send each of them texts separately and see what their thoughts are on ordering the dresses and how everything is coming along? Just a suggestion..

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:074ec0fc-7fd6-4d01-953b-3a720728367f">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]I've sent out a few group emails to my bridesmaids. Then I realized that they don't check their personal emails as frequently as I do (I keep a tab with my email open while I'm using the computer). So I either texted them, met with them in person or sent facebook messages. You mentioned texting them before, and maybe send each of them texts separately and see what their thoughts are on ordering the dresses and how everything is coming along? Just a suggestion..
Posted by swimmy1988[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>How dare you suggest such a stupid thing! Do you really not think OP hasn't done this?!?!?!? GAWD! She's not an idiot! What a horribly snarky response! Get a life!</div><div>
</div><div>(Sarcasm...in case it wasn't obvious enough)</div>

beckygopop

Oh please dont say that! Im the MOH in my friends wedding and without asking any of us our budgets, she picks the two birds dress that 290! I can afford it but I will have to scrimp a bit. The price was causing one BM to hyperventilate and then the bride asked us if we could help another BM out with buying her dress! I told her I was having issues buying mine. Luckily a photographer at a bridal fair told her about a knockoff called an infinity dress...same concept and fabric but fir 75. Soooo much better. I might be packing a bag with a change of clothes to wear after the wedding. Im a big girl. I need a bra. Another BM bigger than me she needs one as well.

GoodLuckBear14

OP - everyone else has already covered what you should have done.

I will tell you that if a friend insisted I wear that dress and Uggs, I would drop out of the wedding and seriously question if she was even a friend.  Don't get me wrong, I'd be furious about the money you're demanding be spent but I'd be mortified at being seen in public wearing this.  Even on the models that dress looks like a bed sheet twisted and wrapped around a person and even with a hideous dress....Uggs?  Really?  This is a BM outfit that a seven year old would put together while playing dress up.

she22ybe22y

(I like your choice of dress by the way- I can see where it can be shaped to fit different body types).  But after reading about the reviews???  As for the email you sent, it was very informative, though you showed no inclination of wanting or needing a reply.  Like one other knottie mentioned, I would not have responded to the email either.  You might be offended because you felt a thank you was in order.  While that would have been nice, I don't think in this case, because you are offering to help pay because you know their budget.  

I also agree with the knottie on the special footwear.  I offered my BM's the option to pick what they wanted in my guidelines and I would help them pay for it up to X amount, or I can pick and purchase it myself.  I got 2 one way and 2 the other.
 
I also had a hard time getting responses from them about the shoes.  Given the time I asked, it was 10 months in advance.  I'm sure they were thinking..."Now?!... really?"  but I was thinking "boots- after Thanksgiving sale"  (we're all wearing "western" boots).  That's when I had offered to get them myself.  I knew waiting would cost me about $50/pair, if not more.  Were they excited about their boots?   NO!  LOL.  But that doesn't mean that they are any less happy for me, or any less excited.  They don't understand your need to want everything done early, so you can alleviate stress.  But if you lash out at them, they'll be less likely to help, or care, and you could loose a good friend.   Not saying you have.  I just see alot of tension on this post. 

Maybe plan something fun AND relaxing for you and your BM's to do together.  Home spa day with homemade face masks, ect, anyone?  It'll give you a chance to touch base with everyone where they stand.  Only don't talk about the wedding the whole time. They have things going on in their lives, too.  And if they are steering the conversation away from the wedding, they are tired of hearing about it.  Sorry honey, it happens.  Don't take offense.   

RamonaFlowers

2 Birds dress AND Uggs?

So not only you want your BMs to be spending anywhere between $375-$500 just on the outfit that they're wearing in your wedding ... but it's going to be a completely hideous and unflattering outfit to boot? Because I can assure you, even if all of your friends manage to be the incredibly specific body type that looks even remotely decent in a convertible dress, UGG boots are just going to completely ruin any chance of it actually looking presentable.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:84c7d344-d99e-48df-9aa1-a26155bde77f">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't think there was a need to mention all of that in my original post since I thought it was a no brainer that I would have checked with my friends about this. They seem fine talking about anything else but when I bring up the wedding they just try and change the subject.<strong> At this point I really am considering getting my $600 back and politely informing them that they are no longer needed for the wedding. </strong>I didn't think planning a wedding would be this freaking caddy but I'm over it.  I thought they would be excited to stand up next to me and they all seemed it when I first asked them but now it's like pulling teeth to find anything out about the wedding.
Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]<p>Did everybody skip over this part? OP, if you ever come back, I strongly suggest you do this. These ladies don't need a "friend" like you.</p>

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:467608cf-5163-4e78-bb54-ec497522e231">Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]I have 4 bridesmaids and they are a mix of family and really good friends.  I recently sent out an e-mail about BM dresses and NO ONE responded. I chose the two birds bridesmaid dresses and even pre-paid half of everyones dresses $150 each to help with the costs.   I'm really frustrated and hurt that none of them even so much as responded and said thanks I'll let you know when I order mine!  Below is the e-mail I sent...did I do something offensive?? They don't have to be ordered until April sometime but I just think they should have replied somehow?! ---------------------------------------- Hey ladies!   I'm pretty sure I talked to all of you regarding the bridesmaid dresses I've decided on.  It's the two birds dress in their new navy blue Sapphire.   <a href="http://www.twobirdsbridesmaid.com/dress/classic" rel="nofollow">http://www.twobirdsbridesmaid.com/dress/classic</a> We have set up an account with the company were I've paid $150 of each of your dresses.  I originally said it would be David's Bridal and much cheaper, so I hope this helps!   I have been working with XXXXXXXX at their headquarters in NYC and she is who you should get a hold of when you're ready to pay the other half.   There is the option to buy a bandeau, which is a tube top that matches the fabric and color but gives you extra coverage and support.  I suggest when you guys call you discuss your body types/height with them and they can guide you to the best possible fit.  They only have two sizes so it shouldn't be too difficult to find one that works. We can decide later how you guys want to tie the tops but from what I gathered most of you liked the one shoulder grecian top so that works for me but you're more than welcome to try different styles and do whatever you're most comfortable with.   As far as shoes, I was hoping to go with short UGG types but I'm going to keep looking around and decide on that later.  The dresses take around 5 months to make and ship so I want to make sure we get those ordered with plenty of time.     Let me know if you have any questions and when you've ordered the dress!     Love, me
<p>Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]</p><p>Also, since everything else but this was quoted...</p>

ohwhynot85

This dress is $310. You paying $150 each doesn't really lessen the blow of how expensive it. They are probably in shock at the amount...and uggs for shoes?!

aRachel21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:7783ade1-331d-444c-9730-686084edc509">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]Jeez... have none of you seriously heard of two birds dresses??  Their website is opening just fine...probably just your problem.  It's the dress that you can tie a dozen different ways and seriously looks good on all body types. And of course I asked about budget.  I'm not an idiot.  I texted each bride and talked to them about the dress and they all loved it, they even liked the same style.  Thanks for the assumptions there girls really supportive.  And I definitely checked with everyone prior.  They had it down to two options they liked and I decided to go with the two birds one but thanks for assuming I didn't even check with my own family and best friends. Forget I ever asked anything here.... Didn't think even the moderators would be this judgy. IT was a group e-mail so I didn't include a personal note, I did that in a phone message that afternoon giving them a heads up about the dresses and that they're ready to be ordered whenever they're ready to.   If I had known y'all would be snarky about this I would have steered clear of this message board....my bad for thinking I would have some support here.
Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]


I know, some people on these message boards are nasty!  I was in a wedding a few months ago, and I always responded to the bride whenever she sent a text or an email.  The other girls didn't, but I guess that was just their personality.  They always ended up doing what they needed to do, but they just weren't vocal about it.  I wouldn't worry too much about it.  Maybe you can call them individually just to chat (don't bring up the wedding unless they do) and maybe they will mention something about the dress.  Good luck!

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:2e573f31-e906-4121-8eb1-71a89e34e953">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Frustrated with my BM's : I know, some people on these message boards are nasty!  I was in a wedding a few months ago, and I always responded to the bride whenever she sent a text or an email.  The other girls didn't, but I guess that was just their personality.  They always ended up doing what they needed to do, but they just weren't vocal about it.  I wouldn't worry too much about it.  Maybe you can call them individually just to chat (don't bring up the wedding unless they do) and maybe they will mention something about the dress.  Good luck!
Posted by aRachel21[/QUOTE]

We're nasty because we can't read minds? That's what the OP's meltdown all boils down to -- she's offended because we didn't read her mind. She's offended because instead of making assumptions, we asked for clarification.

OP is the nasty one because she wants to kick all of her BMs out of the wedding party simply because they haven't shifted the focus of their lives to her wedding.

aurianna

I haven't looked at the dress; I can't open it here for some reason.
But if OP says she ran it by her BMs I'll give the benefit of the doubt?

Rereading the email though, I really see no reason that anyone needed to respond. You asked if anyone had questions, but aside from that no other input really was asked for. I wouldn't worry too much.

As far as no one having ordered it yet... that also makes sense.
If I need a dress, I'd prefer to wait as long as possible to get it.

The last wedding I was in we ordered our dresses for April in October because there was some sort of discount if we all pre-ordered. Well the gal's at the shop were bad at measuring because they said I needed a plus-size which was $30 more, but I went with it. And then I lost 20lbs and the already-too-big dress was HUGE. I had to pay $200 to get the thing taken in 4 sizes (it was only a $160 dress pre-plus-size-fee) because there was no time to get another one.
But if I'd gotten to order it 4 or 5 months in advance instead of 6, I would have been closer to my April weight and the whole ordeal would have been avoided because I probably could have ordered a size smaller.

Not sure if any of your girls have flip-flopping weight, but it's definitely a reason to put off the dress ordering.


And as people have said, if you're requiring specific footware you need to pay for it. They only need to buy the dress; anything else (hair, jewelry, shoes) you should only give very general guidelines unless you can pay for it for them.

KatWAG

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-my-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:e71bb6ba-ab62-466a-af8b-ce3e6d20945bPost:59058b98-b1e7-4555-97c1-bed31b2fb53b">Re: Frustrated with my BM's</a>:
[QUOTE]So many things wrong with this post. 1. Uggs with TwoBirds? really? 2. TwoBirds? Really? WITHOUT TRYING THEM ON?! Goodness gracious. I am currently being forced to wear a two birds dress and No, they do not look good on everyone. In fact, they look good on very few people. There is no inner construction, little to-no ability to wear a bra, and are completely revealing. Dont even get me started on their ridiculous "bandeau" that supposedly solves all those problems. It doesn't. In fact, it creates a whole new set of problems. It shows every lump and bump, and makes whatever girl who has to wear it to cover up some body issues (big chest, need to wear a bra, uncomfortable about their entire back being exposed) look like a mormon child bride in a frumpy fabric tube (no offense, of course, to Mormon child brides) I have said it before on here and I'll say it again; if all of your BMs are over 5'5 and flat chested and 100 pounds, they will look AWESOME in the dress. If not, you are going to have some cranky bridesmaids on hand. Don't worry though, I am sure they are all too afraid of you to actually say that to your face Also, an average ballgown length twobirds is over 300$ for a stretch jersey skirt with two strips of fabric attached. You got conned. Basically, you were really rude and presumptuous to your "friends" and now you want  everyone on here to cower to you and your bad decisions. Good luck
Posted by nycrose2013[/QUOTE]
 
Thank you for typing out my exact thoughts on two birds dresses. They are horrible. Be prepared for the dimple in your butt to show. And uggs... wow. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" />