Moms, I need your help!

Britt1893

My future mother in law and I have an odd relationship. To me its odd, some may call it normal. She has a daughter in law already. Its obvious she is favored over me and its obvious as to why. When my fiance' and I were dating, we spent most of our time in his room, playing video games and watching movies. His parents, brother, and daughter in law, are HUGE nascar fans. T and I are not. Surely they were all together in the living room watching cars make left turns. Before T and I got engaged, I put forth a lot of effort to get closer. She seemed so close to her daughter in law, why not me? I am a rather likeable person. I've tried to do just about everything and I know I will never be as favored as her daughter in law, and I don't understand why I need the acceptance from her. I don't know. What can I do?

Marrin713

What can you do?  Give it time.  Just get to know her and your future father-in-law.  It doesn't mean you need to sit with them in the living room watching NASCAR; instead sit and have a cup of coffee or something with them.  Try to find common ground.  Don't dwell on favoritism; it might not even be fact.

MairePoppy

I agree with Marrin, most MIL/DIL relationships take time to grow. Your FMIL has a common interest with her DIL that makes their relationship more 'natural.'  You are not saying that your FMIL is hostile or rude to you in any way, so assume that she likes you. Your relationship will develop as you celebrate holidays, birthdays and other milestones together.

MobKaz

Your relationship may be different, but it doesn't necessarily mean it is diminished. 

My SIL and I have a great relationship.  He truly is like a second son.  However, he and my daughter began dating their senior year of HS.  He lived in a neighboring town.  He practically lived here during their 7 years of dating. I had a long time, and many, many opportunities to get to know him. I adore him.

My son and his fiance met in grad school.  He no longer lived at home.  We saw his fiance perhaps 3 or 4 times a year.  I adore her as well, but my relationship is not as casual or familiar with her as it is with SIL.  She brings out the best in my son and for that I will always love her.  I hope that as we get more time together, that familiarity will increase.

I don't expect the relationships to be exactly the same because my SIL and soon-to-be DIL are two completely different people.  But I do feel the same about them both.  What we do for fun with my daughter/SIL versus my son/DIL are often extremely different, but we enjoy it all nonetheless.  When the six of us get together, we try to find common ground, like a comedy club, board game at home, or just out for dinner and conversation.

Perhaps you could introduce your in-laws to the world of Wii and Mario Kart or some other race related game!

Cookies Mom

I have four sons and I am blessed that they have each chosen wonderful girls, however my relationship with each of the girls is very different even though I love them all. One of my son's relationship is fairly new and I am not yet as close or as comfortable with his SO but I hope to be - it will just take time. The important thing is that she loves my son and he loves her and they have a great relationship - that is what truly matters.

Britt1893

Thank you ladies. I also forgot to mention it isn't just nascar that they all love. My FBIL builds racecars, and its kind of a family thing...except T and I. The daughter in law has been around for, 7 years, I think? I've been around for 3 and 1/2. Like I said, its easy to understand why they are so close. They have had time, and T and I don't really spend much time with them..well we do, just not as much as they do. I just think its time to either give up trying to do stuff, or anything really. I ask her to go for walks because she has said "I need to start walking. Hey Britt, you work out, want to start walking with me?" I said yes and each time after a work out, I walk, yet when I call her, she ALWAYS says no. When I ask her if she wants to do something, a lunch date, a  "girls day" (for her its maybe laying out in the pool, or getting our hair done) This stinks because I've tried just talking with her too, and I don't feel close with her at all.