I will preface this with this about a quarter of the full story to this adventure in bridesmaid hell. This is a short story so thanks for reading in advance. My best friend and I are BMs in our friends wedding. Previous to the engagement party (which the couple showed up 2 hours late for so the bride could get her hair done), I had not met her fiancé and not seen her in over 6 months. When she got engaged, we had planned to decline being in her wedding but she made it impossible. My best friend had just had a brain tumor removed, the bride was on support duty and blind sided her while she was heavily medicated the day she was released from the hospital. The bride and I work together, she asked me at work - she inner office mailed me a giant box - it was very uncomfortable. One, because she used company funds for a personal mail item and two it was so large everyone saw it get walked to my office. So We agreed and here we are and I'm glad We did because life & time truly got away from all us. My issue is, when the MOH emailed the bridal party introducing herself I responded and asked if we could get an understanding of what we would be responsible for and could we put a budget together. I have 2 kids under the age of 2, I'm a planner and frankly there are 9 of us girls and I only know 1 of them. They are all much younger than I am and made it clear after my email that they too need a budget as the need to start saving. Well it's been weeks and yesterday we got an email saying we are paying for the shower (minus decorations -they are reusing engagement party decorations, the hall is free and the MOH is picking up invites and favors) and that we should send the MOH a check to cover the food, dessert, beverages etc and my favorite the shower gift - a $400 deep freezer!! I wasn't too surprised because the bride had mentioned in passing how she had selected 4 large ticket items for us to pick from for her gift. It was quite shocking to hear she expected a gift. When I then looked up the large ticket items it was even more shocking - 1,000 Weber grill, a bedroom set, the freezer and $400 margarita maker. I felt like I didn't even know her. I want to email the MOH and reiterate that we need a budget. I don't see how $500 is going to cover the cost of the shower. The bride had 90 people at her engagement party. I also don't want to just be the financing for all the events. If I'm kicking in my money I'd like to be part of the planning. I also don't want to find out in a few months we don't have enough money! Is it wrong of me to say something? The MOB also told me at the engagement party that she has already planned the Bach party. Which I'm sure we are paying for, is not what the bride wants and is what the MOB wants. MOB has very strong personality, is regularly inappropriate and has no money. I'm so frustrated,as is my best friend, and we truly don't know what to do. I don't want to be the difficult BM but I need to understand what we are expected to pay for and if I am expected to chip in I want to be part of the planning! At least have a discussion before asking for money!! So I ask - who is out of line? Me, the bride or the MOH Argghhh!!