Moms and Maids

Pregnant Maid of Honor

Ok so I'm getting married on November 6 and I just found out yesterday that my maid of honor is pregnant and due on October 7. I demoted her from maid of honor to bridesmaid because I know all of her attention is going to be on her newborn baby and being a maid of honor is a big responsibility! On the upside, we weren't very close anyways and I didn't consider her my "best friend" I chose her because she was the only one of my bridesmaids that live here and she is my cousin's wife.
Was I wrong to demote her?
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Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This just has to be MUD. If not.

    Yes, you are very very wrong in demoting her. Reread what you just wrote and see how incredibly silly you sound. Her and the baby taking away your "attention" away. I would call right away and apologize. You need to make her your MOH again and hope that your cousin and his wife forgive you. Wow, Bridezilla move 101, I hope that this hasn't gotten around your family yet because you will really have a bad vibe going on.
  • lizstill13lizstill13 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Please be MUD, please please pretty please!!
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yes, it was wrong to demote her.  It was a complete bridezilla move.  Also, you picked her for the wrong reasons in the first place.  Your MOH and BMs should be your closest friends, not who lives closest or who you think can do the most stuff for you.  You should call her and tell her that you realize you were way out of line and of course you want her to still be your MOH and apologize.  If you're lucky, she may forgive you for thinking that your wedding is an excuse to act like a jerk.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:b1ca4daf-7bce-4be2-8b3b-5285f3aadce1">Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok so I'm getting married on November 6 and I just found out yesterday that my maid of honor is pregnant and due on October 7. I demoted her from maid of honor to bridesmaid because I know all of her attention is going to be on her newborn baby and being a maid of honor is a big responsibility! On the upside, we weren't very close anyways and I didn't consider her my "best friend" I chose her because she was the only one of my bridesmaids that live here and she is my cousin's wife. Was I wrong to demote her?
    Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]

    Wow.  You're a peach.   I'm really hoping that this is MUD, because it's hard to imagine someone being so completely self-absorbed.

    On the off chance that you really are this self-absorbed, it's a crummy thing to do, and there's just no way you come off looking like anything but the gold medal winner in the 'zilla olympics.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I hope you're making this up, because no real person could ever be this mean to a friend.  Or be so selfish and self-absorbed that she's jealous of a baby taking away attention from her.  Or be so unrealistic as to expect her WP to completely put their lives on hold while she's engaged.

    On the off chance that you are a real person who got a bad case of bridezillaitis, yes, you were 100% wrong to demote her.
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  • stina93446stina93446 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    MUD! has to be. There is no WAY that someone would actually feel upstaged by a pregnant lady.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    No way you're real.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Next time, try making a few other posts before you make up something this obviously made up.

    We all know that no one would actually admit to being this horribly selfish and mean.
  • edited December 2011
    You were wrong to choose her as MOH for those reasons, it was even more awful to demote her and MOH is not a big responsibility.  Like PPs, I hope this is MUD.
  • edited December 2011
    Umm this is definately real. Sorry I wanted to take the stress away from her considering she is having a baby. I am not feeling "upstaged" by a pregnant lady. This isn't about jealousy. She has done other things in the past to upset me and I felt as if this was a sign to demote her. It's not like I completely took her out of the wedding party. Man you guys are horrible! Like I said, this isn't about me, it's about her. I don't want to put all that stress on her.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:457d808a-d3e6-4804-96c2-5c3089e95d82">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]Umm this is definately real. Sorry I wanted to take the stress away from her considering she is having a baby. <strong><em>I am not feeling "upstaged" by a pregnant lady.</em></strong> This isn't about jealousy. She has done other things in the past to upset me and I felt as if this was a sign to demote her. It's not like I completely took her out of the wedding party. Man you guys are horrible! Like I said, this isn't about me, it's about her. I don't want to put all that stress on her.
    Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]
    What kind of idiots do you take us for?  You said this in your OP:<div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE] <span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">I demoted her from maid of honor to bridesmaid <strong><em>because I know all of her attention is going to be on her newborn baby</em></strong> [QUOTE]</span></div>
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  • stina93446stina93446 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, not buying any of this. You were oh so wrong to demote her. She did nothing wrong. Since when is having a baby a crime? 

    Also, selecting her because she was local was your fault. You should have picked your best friend.
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  • edited December 2011
    Exactly, all of her attention will be on the newborn, I don't want to put all of the extra stress on her! I guess it's easy for you guys to be brutal considering you aren't aware of all the details in this situation..
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:457d808a-d3e6-4804-96c2-5c3089e95d82">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]Umm this is definately real. Sorry I wanted to take the stress away from her considering she is having a baby. I am not feeling "upstaged" by a pregnant lady. This isn't about jealousy. She has done other things in the past to upset me and I felt as if this was a sign to demote her. It's not like I completely took her out of the wedding party. Man you guys are horrible! Like I said, this isn't about me, it's about her. I don't want to put all that stress on her.
    Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]
    Being MOH should not be any more stressful than being a BM.  All either has to do is wear the dress and show up.  The MOH generally holds the bride's bouquet during the ceremony and signs the marriage license.  STRESSFUL!!!

    So you didn't do her any favours.  And how are we horrible for answering your question?  You asked if it was inappropriate, so clearly you knew it wasn't okay or you wouldn't have asked.  We told you that it was highly inappropriate because it's rude.

    This is about you being horribly rude, end of story.
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  • edited December 2011
    MOH and BM have the same duties: purchase attire, stand at the wedding, smile for pictures.  If she was worried about time and responsibilities, she could have stepped down on her own.  It's not your place to tell her what she is and is not able to handle.
  • stina93446stina93446 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:4894f06d-b619-4c2f-a195-4e182efa6daf">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]Exactly, all of her attention will be on the newborn, I don't want to put all of the extra stress on her! I guess it's easy for you guys to be brutal considering you aren't aware of all the details in this situation..
    Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]

    <div>Then you wait for HER to step down. You don't push her out of the WP. This is a huge insult and will only make you look bad. Seriously, other family members probably know that she was going to be a bm, and when she is asked why she got demoted, she'll only be able to say "because I had a baby." See how this is wrong?</div>
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Or maybe because I can only respond to what you write.

    You picked your MOH for the wrong reasons.  If you need your MOH to hold your hand through every step of planning you have lost sight of what a wedding is about and you need to either scale it back or hire a planner.  

    You need to get over yourself and realize that this is a wedding day, not D-Day, and that it is up to you to plan.  You need to realize that the MOH has no duties (and don't give me the "but all the magazines say so!" excuse) and is not required to help you with anything.  You need to realize that a pregnant woman is not an invalid and that she can still be MOH despite the "handicap" of having a child.  
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:4894f06d-b619-4c2f-a195-4e182efa6daf">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]Exactly, all of her attention will be on the newborn, I don't want to put all of the extra stress on her! I guess it's easy for you guys to be brutal considering you aren't aware of all the details in this situation..
    Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]
    If you don't want to put extra stress on her, don't expect anything of her.  If the stress of being in your wedding is too much, she would tell you.  It's not your place to slight her publicly by demoting her for her own good.

    Unless the baby she's pregnant with is your FI's and you just found out, there's no special detail that's going to make your actions okay.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Weddings don't have to be stressful.  Brides choose to make them stressful by flipping out over the dumbest things and assuming they HAVE to be stressed out.
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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  • edited December 2011
    How thoughtful of you to spare her any unecessary stress by "demoting" her.

    Yes, it was wrong of you.
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  • edited December 2011
    I didn't take her out of the wedding party she is still a bridesmaid!! So if like you guys are saying, they all have the same responsibilities, then why is this sooo bad? My mom lives in Virginia so let me just tell you, it is not easy to do all this planning by myself. I need someone helping me every step of the way. Her child is not a "handicap" I should never have had her as my moh in the first place. Things changed between us throughout the months. I don't want to look back and think why did I have her as my moh when we werent even best friends.
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:457d808a-d3e6-4804-96c2-5c3089e95d82">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]Umm this is definately real. Sorry I wanted to take the stress away from her considering she is having a baby. I am not feeling "upstaged" by a pregnant lady. This isn't about jealousy. She has done other things in the past to upset me and I felt as if this was a sign to demote her. It's not like I completely took her out of the wedding party. <strong>Man you guys are horrible</strong>! Like I said, this isn't about me, it's about her. I don't want to put all that stress on her.
    Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]

    We're not the ones demoting people because they're pregnant and won't be able to fulfill their "duties."
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:0002b5a7-6708-424d-92d8-f56ba89ac10e">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't take her out of the wedding party she is still a bridesmaid!! So if like you guys are saying, they all have the same responsibilities, then why is this sooo bad? My mom lives in Virginia so let me just tell you, it is not easy to do all this planning by myself. I need someone helping me every step of the way. Her child is not a "handicap" I should never have had her as my moh in the first place. Things changed between us throughout the months. I don't want to look back and think why did I have her as my moh when we werent even best friends.
    Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]

    Then you should not have chosen her in the first place; demoting her is just as much of a slap in the face as kicking her out.  I'm curious:  how exactly did you do it?

    It's not your MOH's job, your BM's job, nor your mommy's job to plan your wedding.  That's for <strong>YOU and</strong> <strong>YOUR FI</strong> to do. 
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:4894f06d-b619-4c2f-a195-4e182efa6daf">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]Exactly, all of her attention will be on the newborn, I don't want to put all of the extra stress on her! I guess it's easy for you guys to be brutal considering you aren't aware of all the details in this situation..
    Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]

    <div>No one was brutal to you. The only person being brutal was you to your cousin' wife (seriously, put yourself in her shoes and see how you would react if she treated you in the manner you have been treating her). If she got her dress, then I don't see any problems with her being MOH. You obviously expect her to help you because that's why you picked her. The thing is she doesn't have to, if she volunteers to do anything then great, if not, you can't hold that against her. Like I said before, you were wrong, and need to call her an apologize. Trust me, you need to make this right or you are going to look like a huge bridezilla to your family and many other guest. </div>
  • edited December 2011
    I guess I just see it differently because of the things shes said/did to me in the past.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:0002b5a7-6708-424d-92d8-f56ba89ac10e">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't take her out of the wedding party she is still a bridesmaid!! So if like you guys are saying, they all have the same responsibilities, then why is this sooo bad? My mom lives in Virginia so let me just tell you, it is not easy to do all this planning by myself. I need someone helping me every step of the way. Her child is not a "handicap" I should never have had her as my moh in the first place. Things changed between us throughout the months. I don't want to look back and think why did I have her as my moh when we werent even best friends.
    Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]
    The person who needs to help you is your FI.  If you still need help hire a planner.  If you can't afford a planner, scale it back to what you can accomplish.  This is what mature adults do when they plan events: they do what they can manage on their own.  It should not take a village to make your wedding a reality.<div>
    </div><div>Why did you ask if what you did was wrong when you clearly just wanted to be validated?  If you aren't prepared for the answer, don't ask the question.</div>
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:94ee9023-014b-41f6-ad0d-cbb5f5958083">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor : Then you should not have chosen her in the first place; demoting her is just as much of a slap in the face as kicking her out.  I'm curious:  how exactly did you do it? <strong>It's not your MOH's job, your BM's job, nor your mommy's job to plan your wedding.  That's for  YOU and YOUR FI to do. </strong>
    Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]


    My FI cannot help me plan my wedding bc he is  an accountant and has a very busy job. All of this planning has been put on ME /> It's natural to get a little stressed out.
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:0002b5a7-6708-424d-92d8-f56ba89ac10e">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't take her out of the wedding party she is still a bridesmaid!! <strong>So if like you guys are saying, they all have the same responsibilities, then why is this sooo bad? My mom lives in Virginia so let me just tell you, it is not easy to do all this planning by myself. I need someone helping me every step of the way. </strong>Her child is not a "handicap" I should never have had her as my moh in the first place. Things changed between us throughout the months. I don't want to look back and think why did I have her as my moh when we werent even best friends.
    Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]
    It's not about the responsibility it's about demoting someone being a very public slight.  Asking someone to be in your WP is an honour.  Asking someone to be your MOH is an even greater honour.  To demote someone or kick them out is to dishonour them, and that's why it's wrong.

    If you need help with your wedding, that is what your FI is for.  This is your and your FI's wedding and so planning it is your responsibility.  If you need more help, HIRE SOMEONE.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:0002b5a7-6708-424d-92d8-f56ba89ac10e">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
    [QUOTE] I don't want to look back and think why did I have her as my moh when we werent even best friends.
    Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]

    My guess is you don't want to do much looking back or thinking about anything at all. You're the idiot that picked her.
    ..
  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:b607d067-def1-4c59-bed2-f04b8bd7c9ca">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I just see it differently because of the things shes said/did to me in the past.
    Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]

    Two wrongs don't make a right.  The past issues between you still don't excuse your actions.  You know by now that you never should have asked her, but that point is moot since you did.

    Call her and apologize for having a flash of the wedding crazies. 
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