Pregnant Maid of Honor

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:a828986c-908a-49d1-a75c-0452045ba3df">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor : My FI cannot help me plan my wedding bc he is  an accountant and has a very busy job. All of this planning has been put on ME /> It's natural to get a little stressed out.
Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]
No it's not.  You speak as if that's some sort of special circumstance.  Most of us have FIs/DHs with full time jobs.  That doesn't mean he can't help.  It sounds like he isn't interested, which is a whole new ball of wax on its own.  <div>
</div><div>Plan what you can accomplish by yourself.  You may have to scale things back if you can't plan this by yourself.  That sucks but that's life.</div>

noeleanne

See this is why you guys are brutal.. theres no need for any name calling, cmon. We're all adults here, at least I think..

Wonderw1fe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:a828986c-908a-49d1-a75c-0452045ba3df">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE] My FI cannot help me plan my wedding bc he is  an accountant and has a very busy job. All of this planning has been put on ME /> It's natural to get a little stressed out.
Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]

It's not natural to "demote" someone just because you can't plan a damn party without someone holding your wittle hand every step of the way.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:b607d067-def1-4c59-bed2-f04b8bd7c9ca">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I just see it differently because of the things shes said/did to me in the past.
Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]
I don't know what "things" she did, but if it was before you picking the wedding party you shouldn't have made her a BM (let alone MOH) in the first place. If it was after the fact, that too bad, but like we said demoting from MOH to BM is not a good move on your part. You need to grit through your choice and right the mistakes of demoting her because you are not painting yourself in a very good light with your current actions regardless of what she has done to you.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:2f70773b-8bce-44fe-af25-968da84c457f">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]See this is why you guys are brutal.. theres no need for any name calling, cmon. We're all adults here, at least I think..
Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]
Then I suggest you act like one.  Put on your big girl panties, apologize to the MOH for being so rude, appreciate whatever help you can get for what it is (a gift of time), and stop acting like this is the coming of the apocalypse.  It's a wedding.  It's a happy occasion.  Act accordingly.  If you aren't having fun, frankly you're doing it wrong.  You're obsessing over things that don't need to be obsessed over, or planning too many small details, or focusing too much on things that don't matter.  You don't need support during happy times.  You need support during the sad and tragic times.  This isn't one of them.

stina93446

What she said or did is whatever. She did that BEFORE you asked her. What you did was wrong and silly. Either apologize and "blame wedding crazies" or look like a bridezilla at every family reunion to come.

BC-country

You're an @$$hole.  HTH!

gottahavashorti

Sorry, none of that changes things.  You did not have the right to demote her.  If you wanted your best friend next to you as MOH, you would have chosen your best friend as MOH in the first place.  MOH =/= wedding planner.

BecW2be

Why are you asking if you were wrong to demote her? Did someone say something?

noeleanne

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:1b6912a9-7411-4f2a-a02a-2b516601ac35">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]What she said or did is whatever. She did that <strong>BEFORE </strong>you asked her. What you did was wrong and silly. Either apologize and "blame wedding crazies" or look like a bridezilla at every family reunion to come.
Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE]

It was actually after.. I asked her back in July

stina93446

Still apologize. Two wrongs don't make a right. 

When you say that she is going to be having all her attention on the newborn and that's why you kicked her out, it doesn't make you look like a nice, concerned friend. you look like a child who is jealous of a baby getting more attention from a single individual than you.

[Deleted User]

I"m not even going to bother with a long post, because I agree with the other PPs. Listen to them, and grow up.

As for your FI, my FI works 2 jobs 7 days a week, dusk till dawn, and still takes the time to help plan the wedding. I work a full time job as well and manage to put almost the entire wedding together myself. This is not a MOH problem, it's a FI problem. He doesn't WANT to help, and why would he? You sound like a headache.

LnR70707

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:0002b5a7-6708-424d-92d8-f56ba89ac10e">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't take her out of the wedding party she is still a bridesmaid!! So if like you guys are saying, they all have the same responsibilities, then why is this sooo bad? My mom lives in Virginia so let me just tell you, it is not easy to do all this planning by myself.<strong> I need someone helping me every step of the way</strong>. Her child is not a "handicap" I should never have had her as my moh in the first place. Things changed between us throughout the months. I don't want to look back and think why did I have her as my moh when we werent even best friends.
Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]

That person is called your fiance...you know..the other important person in this wedding?

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:a828986c-908a-49d1-a75c-0452045ba3df">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor : My FI cannot help me plan my wedding bc he is  an accountant and has a very busy job. All of this planning has been put on ME /> It's natural to get a little stressed out.
Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]

I am an accountant and I am still planning our wedding. If he does taxes, he will be busy until April 15. Then he can help you. Always plan a party you can handle. Its just a good rule of thumb for any occaision.

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:0005f103-242a-4087-9fe2-37aadf8849a2">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor : It was actually after.. I asked her back in July
Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]

YOU made the mistake of asking the wrong person WAY too early. She did nothing wrong. For you to publicly slight her for YOUR mistake is very immature, and rude. Being an MOH is an honor. Being a BM is an honor as well, but a lesser one. For you to dishonor her by demoting her is a very public slight.

Think about it this way: In one fell swoop you have alienated a family member, and create a bridezilla reputation among the rest of your WP. Manage your own expectations and you won't be disappointed!

MairePoppy

In Response to Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor:
Unless the baby she's pregnant with is your FI's and you just found out, there's no special detail that's going to make your actions okay.
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

amandaloren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:0002b5a7-6708-424d-92d8-f56ba89ac10e">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't take her out of the wedding party she is still a bridesmaid!! So if like you guys are saying, they all have the same responsibilities, then why is this sooo bad? My mom lives in Virginia so let me just tell you, <strong>it is not easy to do all this planning by myself. I need someone helping me every step of the way.</strong> Her child is not a "handicap" I should never have had her as my moh in the first place. Things changed between us throughout the months. I don't want to look back and think why did I have her as my moh when we werent even best friends.
Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]

I love the planning process and am doing it by myself...My fiance has opinions and I have willing bm's but seriously it's not that hard to plan a wedding. I don't see why you need someone to hold your hand with every decision...

MairePoppy

Is he?

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:3d64795d-cc23-4fe7-884a-3955e76d1359">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Why are you asking if you were wrong to demote her? Did someone say something?
Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

I second this!

noeleanne

ok I GET IT. I will apologize and ask her to be my MOH again.

trix1223

I'm happy that you've apparently seen the light and that you're going to do the "right" thing.  I just wouldn't be surprised now if she turns you down for the "honor" you're going to give her.  She may be so completely, and justifiably p!ssed off that she won't want to participate.

but good luck nonethless.

E Squared

Selfish, immature, bridezilla, etc.

noeleanne

dang.. I do what you guys tell me and I still get burned.. I guess you never win

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:7e062034-0291-463e-adfd-1750904b35a6">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]dang.. I do what you guys tell me and I still get burned.. I guess you never win
Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]
How did you get burned for that?  Trix just explained to you that your actions may have consequences.  It doesn't mean we aren't glad that you're going to do the right thing.

trix1223

No, WE didn't burn you.  In fact, you got a couple of posts congratulating you for realizing that what you did was wrong.

(And know that the post right before yours may have been written without having read your mea culpa)

What I said was that even though you will apologize, your former, now maybe again MOH may turn you down.  You've created drama when none was needed.  She may not want to get back into it.

And, as I said in my most recent post:  I wish you luck nonetheless.

AutumnFair

Hopefully, your cousin's wife has a forgiving nature and will accept your apology and will patch things up for your family's sake. Congrats in coming to terms with what you did, one small step for admitting be wrong, one giant leap of maturity. Take a breath, you have grown today (even if she does or does not re-accept the position). 

jagore08

I planned my wedding by myself.  DH wasn't able to participate much in the planning because he owns his own business and is constantly working.  All of my BM are in different states (and not my own).  I did it all on my own, oh and from all the way across the country while a full time student in nursing school.  You shouldn't depend of people to "hold your hand" because it's not their job.

As for you demoting your MOH to BM, that's just offensive no matter how "thoughtful" you thought you were being.  I think it's nice that you'd like to ask her to be your MOH again but it still seems offensive.  

MOBinFL2008

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_pregnant-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ece82372-f6b1-403c-bdeb-7e93c0d7d9e3Post:a828986c-908a-49d1-a75c-0452045ba3df">Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pregnant Maid of Honor : My FI cannot help me plan my wedding bc he is  an accountant and has a very busy job. All of this planning has been put on ME /> It's natural to get a little stressed out.
Posted by noeleanne[/QUOTE]

Would you like to know what real stress is?  Pay a visit to the Military Brides board.  Many of those girls are planning weddings by themselves praying that their FI will make it back from Iraq alive.  Some of the brides are even stationed in the mid-East themselves.  That's what stress is.  What you're doing is planning a little party!

lovebug215

I don't blame you at all. My sister the MOH got pregnant too. She made me change the wedding date to make things better for her. So i moved it from September to November so she wouldn't be so big. Its hard for preggo's to focus on themselves/baby and also be a big part in the wedding. I think its understandable. She should be understanding of your decision. Its your wedding and she's still in it. I dont see what the problem is

JHS16

Just out of curiosity, how did your friend react when you demoted her?  Was she understanding and seem grateful that you took the MOH pressure off of her?  Or did she respond at all?  How many bridesmaids do you have?  You don't necessarily need titles at all, really.  You could just make them all the same status and not worry about any differences at all at this point.