Is it me

Shannon1011

A few years ago I worked with a women who told me at her wedding the mother of the groom wore a brown cotton sack dress and those ugly chunky cork sandals, then just to today my friend told me her hubby's mom wore a second hand pant suit from eBay.  My future MOG is planning on wearing a brown pant-suit (my colors are light blue and lilac).

So is it me or do MOG think they can get away with wearing the most yucky outfit they can find?

blush64

I guess you're kind of joking here.

I think it's more that certain people have taste you don't agree with. For the most part I don't think women go around thinking how of they can look ugly for one of the most important day in the lives of their sons.

My mother looked beautiful at my brother's wedding as did my grandmother at the weddings of her boys (and girls). Also the mothers of my brothers-in-law all looked great.

skippylouwho

I think most moms wear what they can afford. I did for DD's  and DS's weddings. I'd loved to have worn something exceptinally nice but I simply couldn't afford it. Did I think I looked nice for either wedding? No, I bought what I could afford for each wedding, sucked it up and wore it while both the other mothers looked really nice. They could afford to buy what they wanted, have it altered correctly, buy accessories that specifically went with their dresses.

Sometimes it's a good idea to look at things from the other perspective. Rather than assuming these women wanted to look their worst - it may have been the best they could do. That second hand pantsuit from Ebay may have been what she could afford.  How do I know? My dress for DD's wedding was a $25 dress bought on Ebay (and I happen to know it sold for $200 at Macy's originally).  It was a nice dress, a bit snugger than I would have liked. Had I bought it at a store I'd probably have gone up one size.  I picked up the dress for DS's wedding for about $30 at Macy's. 

The kicker? I've just loaned my Ebay dress to a friend to wear to her DD's wedding because both of us have husbands out of work and she also simply doesn't have the money to go buy what she'd really like, what she'd really  look nice in.  If we wore the same size shoe I would have loaned those to her too.

I don't know too many moms that don't want to look their absolute best for their children's weddings but for some of us it simply isn't an option.  I looked everywhere for a dress I really liked and that I could afford. I had to settle for something else that left me feeling like an ugly duckling compared to everyone else.

MairePoppy

Oh yes. I definitely want to look hideous at my son's wedding. I'm trying to decide between a swimsuit, coverup and flippers or maybe I'll have my wedding dress let out if the wedding is more formal : )

C'mon! Do you think anyone really wants to look yucky for their child's wedding?

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_is-it-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f09c9d57-ac2b-4118-a456-09045351e602Post:15a337bd-35dc-4763-a502-898c13e1b47e">Re: Is it me</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh yes. I definitely want to look hideous at my son's wedding. I'm trying to decide between a swimsuit, coverup and flippers or maybe I'll have my wedding dress let out if the wedding is more formal : ) C'mon! Do you think anyone really wants to look yucky for their child's wedding?
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

Eggsactly.

Who cares what your wedding colors are, by the way?  The moms don't have to match the decor.  They should wear what they wish.  You don't get control over their attire.

Shannon1011

I did not mean to offend any MOG.  But in the cases I have seen money has not been an issue and either has fashion sense.  (well ya it has).  But lighten up and grab a Vogue...lol.  Is not the mother the one who represents the family?  So what does that says about the family unit; that they do not care.  Face it we are an image society, and if you go to a event where you a pretty much VIP.  Then show up looking like you do not care what does they say about you and/or the family.  It says we do not care for the "event" . 

If you went to a speaking event and saw the main speaker wearing old ripped clothes what would you think about the subject they where talking about?  The person them self speaking?  Same theory applies to social events, like weddings. 

CassieeK

I have a brown pants suit that is quite stunning and was fairly expensive, thank you very much. You are comparing those MOG outfits to ripped clothing on a speaker at an event, but that doesn't make sense to me unless the MOG outfits are also ripped. 

Just because they are wearing something that wouldn't be your choice doesn't mean it's hideous. Guess what....there will be people among your guests who think your wedding dress is ugly and something they would never choose. We all have different tastes.

AdeleDazeem

You gave three examples where the Mother of Groom wore an outfit you didn't approve of.  I can give you fifty examples where the Mother of the Groom does wear something appropriate.  I wouldn't generalize based on three examples, two of which you didn't even see and all of which are based on your opinion.

Let's focus on the one situation that actually matters: you own future mother in law.  She chose to wear a pant suit.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with that - maybe she doesn't like dresses and maybe she's just far more comfortable in a pant suit than a gown.  That is here decision as she is an adult and has been dressing herself for years. 

If you don't like it or it doesn't fit your "vision," there isn't too much you can do because you risk offending her.  Your relationship with this woman is worth far more than one outfit at one event. 

You can show her your gown, you can show her what your own mother plans to wear and you can show her pictures of your venue.  You can let her know the formality of the event.  But, in the end, what she chooses to wear is her own decision.

MairePoppy

Well said, Joy.

Shannon - your FMIL's outfit is not a reflection on anyone else. If she dresses inappropriately, no one will think poorly of you, your wedding or her family.

PinkGold&Roses

Haha I'm totally with you OP.  But seriously I think a lot of ladies at that age just have a "different" type of style...I don't want to offend anyone but really.  My mom does not have good style normally, but last year at my sister's wedding she wore a really cute dress and she's going to wear it for my wedding too.  Maybe they just need some coaching.

Muffin'sMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_is-it-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:f09c9d57-ac2b-4118-a456-09045351e602Post:407e37a9-c683-4184-b22d-decbf76aa767">Re: Is it me</a>:
[QUOTE]Haha I'm totally with you OP.  But seriously I think a lot of ladies at that age just have a "different" type of style...I don't want to offend anyone but really.  My mom does not have good style normally, but last year at my sister's wedding she wore a really cute dress and she's going to wear it for my wedding too.  Maybe they just need some coaching.
Posted by PinkGold&Roses[/QUOTE]

Women of a certain age?  Really?  Coaching?  Wow....


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AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_is-it-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f09c9d57-ac2b-4118-a456-09045351e602Post:9b52c3c1-dde5-4a03-98b4-8fb5b6be4e1a">Re: Is it me</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it me : Women of a certain age?  Really?  Coaching?  Wow....
Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]

I know, I know.

I was aggravated by the Vogue comment, too.  There are more important things in the world than looking like a runway model.

mrsjustinm2b

My mom and FMIL will be looking excellent in off the rack dresses. Most of those MOB dresses are freaking bedazzled sacks anyways and so old ladyish my 90 year old grandma snubbed them all as too "grandma" lol I think its true that some people do require some help...perhaps these ones you speak of, which must be handled on a case by case basis specifically tailored to the nature and severity of the fashion crime...

rAinyDayZ3

Wow.. just... 

Wow....

I really feel sorry for your FMIL, as all I could read from your post is you are so appearance conscious instead of how she is on the inside. 

I'm the MOG; and quite frankly, I LIVE in sweatpants and t-shirts - and *gasp* - t-shirts that are so old some of them (okay, MOST of them) have tiny pin-holes in because of being washed so many times.  I'm OVERWEIGHT (another *gasp*) - well, fat actually.  I agonized for weeks, because the MOB is getting something beautiful, gorgeous, very flattering, etc...  I cried because I knew I was going to look terrible for the kids.  I no longer have a "fashion sense" - that went out with clubbing and the early 90's when my DH and I hit the dance floors weekly.  I don't look at crappy Vogue, or Cosmo or whatever magazines any longer - at SUPERFICIAL aspects of a person...

I'm more concerned about paying our bills, or not losing our home to the bank; or my husband on unemployment (though he did get back to work - but at 350 a week LESS).  I'm MORE concerned about figuring out how to pay for a doctor or dentist visit (no health insurance, can't afford it, not offered via work) - oh, and I KNOW I'm going to end up with a LOST TOOTH - in the FRONT by the time my son's Sept. wedding rolls around (can't afford several hundred - to over 1K dollars for a dentist & cap)

Maybe you should read this first post I made and look at things from another point of view - start thinking in terms of something besides how a person will "look" based on your "vision". 

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-excited-yet-depressed-need-advice

We may be "older"; we may be your FMIL - but we are also people too who have feelings and do our best.  I am so glad my FDIL has been so supportive of me - and not concerned that I am going to ruin her "colors" or look terrible because of being overweight or not wearing the "right" clothes. 

Thank heavens the ladies who replied to my first post helped me out of my funk, or I'd still be upset about how I looked and will dress for the wedding.

Herring&Salvetti

You're upset because she's not going to look like a tablecloth? 

You're coming off as ignorant (maybe take a look at your grammar), shallow, self-centered, and extremely rude. Does Vogue have a mutliple choice survey you can take to verify these observations? 

I am assuming/hoping from these few snapshot comments into your life this is not a reflection of your true character. But you posted a pretty hateful comment on some obscure wedding website hoping to get strangers to bash on someone close to you. 

It's pretty gross and I do not see the humor.