Customs and Traditions

Flower Girl vs. Ring Bearer

I really want to ask a close friend's daughter to be my Flower Girl (she's my MOH's godchild and I read at her parent's wedding). My fiance wants to ask his friend's daughter as well. Both are great kids, we're close to both, and they're about the same age. We were going to say we'll just have two flower girls, but I'm toying with the idea of asking one to be a ring bearer. I've never seen it done before where the RB was a girl. Has anyone seen this done? Can you give me an honest opinion of what you would think as a guest?  Our wedding is a traditional Roman Catholic mass, so I don't want to be too "out there."

Re: Flower Girl vs. Ring Bearer

  • First of all, if your bio is correct, your wedding isn't for 17 months.  Wait at least 8-10 months before asking ANYONE to be in your WP.  Why?  Stroll on over to the WP board or the M&M board and read the posts from brides who asked this early and now want advice on how to kick someone out of their WP.

    Yes, I know, these are your dearest and closest bff's and that will never change.  Everyone asking how to kick someone out thought the same thing.

    Now, to the original question:  RB is a gender neutral position.  Are only little boys capable of carrying rings?  (And FWIW:  the child doesn't usually carry the real rings anyway.  They are safely in the control of the BM, MOH or officiant).

    So having said that, you don't need an RB at all.  (You don't need a FG either, actually)  So you can have 2 FGs, I FG and 1 RB or no children, and your wedding will still be valid.

    So get the little girls adorable dresses, and have them walk down the aisle together if you really want them both in the wedding.  My only thought is that most little girls, if you ask them, will want to be a flower girl instead of a ring bearer.

    I'll bet if you ask them, they'll both say flower girl.  And the one who's a ring bearer might be less happy about that than being an FG.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • When I was younger I was a ring bearer in my cousins wedding and the ceremony was in a catholic church. I think it's much more important to have people in your wedding party that you care for than to exclude certain individuals based solely on gender. Currently it's not even that unusual to have male bridesmaids even.I say forget the tradition that only boys can be ringbearers. It should be all about what you want. I don't see why anyone would have a problem with a female ringbearer, it's not like it's offensive or tacky!
  • I don't think RB is a gender neutral position.  Just because some people have done their own thing doesn't mean that it is proper to have a girl as a RB.

    I haven't heard of any Flower Boys. If RB is gender neutral then Flower Boys should be acceptable.

    LIke it or not, there are still gender defined roles in weddings.
  • Trix, my fiance and I are discussing who we want involved in the wedding, and we know we want both girls--we just don't know in what capacity. I'm well aware of the fact that we don't HAVE to have either a flower girl or a ring bearer, nor am I going to put a five year old in charge of my wedding bands on my wedding day. In a Catholic mass, the witnesses hold the rings. Nothing has been set in stone. I was just trying to get some feedback on the idea of having a little girl as a ring bearer--whether it's cute or weird. Elisa, thanks for your response! I really wanted an idea of whether anyone else has ever seen this done.
  • You can definitely have 2 flower girls! I'd give the rings to the best man, and let both little girls be flower girls. :)
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