First Look

lizelwell

Are you doing a first look before your wedding ceremony?

My favorite part of weddings has always been the grooms reaction when he sees the bride for the first time as she walks down the isle.  I always assumed that the first time my fiance sees me in my wedding dress will be as I walk towards him.  But he has brought up the idea of doing a first look before the ceremony several times.  Our photographer suggests that too and he talked to friends of ours who got married recently and said they wished they had because pictures were so rushed between the ceremony and reception.  What are your thoughts on this?

I'm feeling like I don't want to but I'm not sure.  I'm open to it.  The other thing is that our first kiss is going to be at the altar and if we do a first look then I guess it won't be and I'm not sure I want that after waiting this long.  He seems to really be for it.  I just don't know.  I'm wondering what others have done.  Having a first look and taking bride groom photos before the wedding seems to be the new thing.

Any advice is greatly appreciated, thanks in advance!

CassieeK

We are doing a first look.  I figure he'll have the same reaction seeing me then for the first time as he would during the ceremony.

katheriner89

we are. mostly because photography is a BIG thing for me.. so I don't want to be rushed taking photos- plus we have alot of OOT guests coming to visit, we want to spend as much time possible with our guests.

[Deleted User]

We did not do a first look. We both wanted it that way and were happy with our decision.

But I believe it is a highly personal choice and you and your FI should discuss it througholy before you decide for sure. And it is always something that can be changed at the last minute as long as you have decided by the time of your rehearsal and your photographer knows.

lyndausvi

Our first look was different then most.

We did ours in front our parents, WP, siblings and SO of the WP.  We had rented a beach home and that is where everyone was going to be anyway.

I LOVED that we did it that way.  It was so special.  We had my 7 nieces and nephews in the wedding and they were SO excited seeing the first look. They jumped up and down (not something they would have been able to do at the ceremony).  Our parents got all teary eyed about it.

 Honestly (no offense to my other guests), but having our nearest and closest seeing our first look, the emotions they were able to freely express and the pictures captured was my favorite part of the wedding.

DH still got teary-eyed when I walked down the aisle, so I do not think it took away from the other guests.

 I know most people just do with only the couple.  And that is fine, but having it done in front of our immediate families was pretty special also.

lizelwell

Thanks for all the input so far! That's a really cool idea about having the family there.  I would have never thought about that.

The photography is what's most important to me as well but I just never thought about the idea of seeing him before the wedding before.  I really like the photos where you can like touch hands on two sides of a door or something beforehand and take a photo but not actually see each other. It's so much to think about!

AdeleDazeem

No, I'm not doing a first look.  I hate the entire concept of a first look.

Milsey32

I just really like the tradition of walking down the aisle and FH seeing me for the first time... 

While photos are important to me, I do not think I will feel rushed. Why? Because that can show up in photos, and if there's something I really want to be captured, than my photographers will capture it. And also because I will have some awesome music, a photobooth, a slideshow of photos, and yummy food & drinks. Guests will be occupied while waiting. (I have great confidence we won't take the full hour BUT I've allotted that time just in case)

Giaspo

We are planning to do a first look for the same reasons as above, to take pics and spend more time at the cocktail hour and with OOT guests. I wasn't sure at first but decided to for a few reasons: we are going to have it be just us, and I like the idea of sharing this special moment with just him ( and the photog of course! Lol) Also, when we get to the reception, the nerves will have passed and we can focus on the ceremony and each other. Some of my friends don't remember much bc they were so nervous. That being said, I do love the idea of sharing it with family. Kind of like a mini ceremony. And maybe save the kiss for the ceremony. You will know what is right for you. Good luck!

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_first-look-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:5bd82f6f-a6eb-4373-a874-1387c6bc8215Post:7312feaf-9262-462d-8522-0680dfae98fd">Re: First Look</a>:
[QUOTE]We had my 7 nieces and nephews in the wedding and they were SO excited seeing the first look. <strong>They jumped up and down (not something they would have been able to do at the ceremony).</strong>
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

<div>I would love it if little kids were jumping up and down while I walk down the aisle. That would be awesome.</div><div>
</div><div>We're not doing a first look because my fiancé is adamant about not seeing me until that moment. And really, it's a good thing because our ceremony is at 11am. I wouldn't want to have to get up even earlier than I already will be. But as PPs have said, it's a very personal decision and I think that if one half of the couple really wants to keep with tradition, that should be respected.</div>

Equine Osmosis

I wanted to for the sake of time but my FI doesn't want to.  He really loves the tradition of seeing the bride for the first time coming down the aisle.  Since he feels strongly about it I said ok.

MyNameIsNot

I didn't answer your poll, because none of it applied.  

We didn't, but I wish we would have.  Our aisle was so long that I couldn't see my husband's face while we were walking in, and I would have preferred to get all our photos done before the ceremony.

em01092

We discussed it, and FI basically said he would do whatever I wanted. (He says that a lot about wedding related stuff-lucky me!) 

I don't want to. I get all the reasoning behind choosing to do so, but like PPs said, it is a personal choice and I don't feel like its for me. We are doing all pictures beforehand, except ones of us together and ones of us together with our families and WP. While they bring up valid points about timing and being rushed, don't let your photographer bully you into it if you are not in favor. 

If I were you, I'd consider several things: Are you very traditional and/or superstitious? Would you prefer to have a moment in (semi) private with your FI before you walk down the aisle? Many people say this calms their nerves and anxieties, and makes the walk easier, but doesn't take away from it. Can you afford a few extra hours of photography time before the wedding to do some shots then? 

Most importantly, talk with your FI about your feelings and why it means so much to you to wait and see each other, if that is the route you choose. I don't really see a way to compromise on this, unless you gave into something else he really wanted, like the cake filling you were not as crazy about or his choice of first dance song, etc. 

Miracle520

We are planning a first look because we'd like to get photos at an additional location that's important to us, For us it is not a major deal because of some of our cultural ceremonies, we will see each other anyway before the main ceremony. A lot of cultures have ceremonies that are more family oriented before the main ceremony.

We feel like both moments will be special either way. We are happy to get our first moment to ourselves. No pressure. No omg your makeup might run or your best friend will think your a wuss for crying. Just us and the special day. The walk down the aisle will still be special because it's a big moment.

Summer2011Bride

We're not doing a first look. We both knew we wanted it that way and it was important to us. Our photographer was good about not pressuring us one way or the other. It's something you and FI need to discuss and decide for yourselves. I think there are pros and cons to both ways and it comes down to personal preference. Don't feel pressured by anyone else to do it a certain way.

Audrey&Austin

We aren't doing a first look and never even considered it. 

Lisa50

I didn't vote b/c FI and I will see one another before the ceremony (we're processing in together) and, afterwards, have formal photography with WP.  I'm sure the photographer might catch us as we meet at the elevator on our way down ... or someplace along the way ... to capture a couple of candids.  We'll see!

DramaGeek

We did, partly because we wanted to attend our entire reception and partly because he is the one person who can keep me calm and I knew if I didn't see him before the wedding I'd be a wreck right up until the ceremony.  Hanging out with him pre-ceremony was awesome and allowed me to relax.  Plus, we got to spend more time at the reception with our guests.

hellerc1

We are not doing it, FI does not want too. I also note you said it would be your first kiss (I take this as having never kissed before) if that is the case I do think it adds a whole different dimension to the first look and something that you and FI really need to consider. If I had waited till my wedding day for that first kiss I would not want to do a first look where it may happen before we were married. But that is just my view.

Calypso1977

mine's "other"

we did all pics before, but didnt have a scriped first look.
 
it totally made sense to get all photos out of the way as we were then able to enjoy more time with our guests.  we were also fresh, unwrinkled and no one had tear stains.

SuMmErKuTiE

We did a first look and it was one of my favorite parts of the day! I was on the fence about doing a first look and thought about it for a while and we decided it made a lot more sense to do one. It was such a special and tender moment between us where we were able to show our true emotions, hug, cry, kiss, and get a good look at each other. We were then able to get our pictures out of the way so we wouldn't miss the party we had been planning for a year and a half and were able to mingle with our guests during cocktail hour. And it took absolutely nothing away from my walk down the aisle. I was still super emotional, and the look on DH's face was priceless when I got to the front.

I posted the other day on the Receptions board that if anyone is on the fence about doing a first look, just take a look at Bellebride116's siggy pic and you'll see how awesome a first look can be. Her DH's reaction is great and you'd never get a reaction like that while coming down the aisle.

lizelwell

Hm.. yeah it's a lot to think and pray about. And yes hellerc1, it is over very first kiss. We have never kissed before (just on the check sometimes) and it will be my first kiss ever actually (which has been hard!).  When I was a little girl I promised God my first kiss would be at the altar.  I was started to feel like maybe wedding day would still be alright but the more I think about it I definitely want to wait and not do a first look.  It would be awkward not to kiss in those photos and nearly impossible not to anyways!  So it's either I compromise what I've always wanted and waited for or we have weird photos where we're in wedding clothes but not acting like we're married.  The more I think about it the decision is easy.

I talked briefly with my fiance this weekend and I think we are going to do all of the him and his groomsmen and me and my bridesmaid shots beforehand at least.  Maybe even him and his family and me and mine.  Then we won't have as many to take inbetween.  Plus we have an hour and a half allotted, activities and refreshments for the guests (it's more casual and outdoors so there's corn hole, bocce ball, etc) and it's all in the same place so no time wasted on travel.

I'm going to see what my photographer thinks of that but she is really great and said if I don't feel comfortable doing a first look not to do it.  And I'm going to talk to him again about it but I think I might regret it if we did.  Thanks for all the opinions, ideas, and advices.  It really helped!  : )

AdeleDazeem

Good luck, liz!  I think you thought about this very clearly - don't let anyone talk you into it if you are uncomfortable with it.  Some people love it, it isn't for others.

Doing some pictures beforehand and others afterwards is perfectly acceptable and traditional.

Enjoy your wedding!!

FutureMrsSheeler

We are definitely doing a first look. Our wedding is in the evening, so most of our pictures will be done before the wedding.

lizelwell

Thanks JOY2611!  Nice Phillies logo  : )  I'm a Philly girl myself, go Eagles, Phils, and Flyers!  Being a Philly sports fan is just like getting married, for better or for worse  : P haha

And good luck at your wedding as well!  One week!  So exciting!  I hope it's beautiful!

jemmini6

We are not doing a first look.  I had a friend do a first look at her wedding last year and it just seemed so anti-climactic to me.  All the guests saw her before the ceremony, her FI (obviously) saw her before the ceremony...so when it came time for her to walk down the aisle, it felt like there was nothing 'special' (for lack of a better word.  I mean, of course it was special, but it was just missing something) about it anymore. 

That moment is one of my favorites at a wedding...getting to share in the surprise and moment that the couple looks at each other for the last time as singles.  It was really important for FI and I to have that moment at our wedding.  We will be doing all of our individual pictures before the wedding (getting ready, bride w/ family, groom w/family, etc) and then doing our group pictures and B&G pics during the cocktail hour.  This actually worked out in our favor because by the time we get to the B&G pics, will be the perfect sunset time.  So for us, going the traditional route is a win/win

colstj1

We will be doing a first look.  My FI's mother is taking most of our pictures before the ceremony so that her sister can take over during the ceremony and after that.  So, she really wanted to get the pictures of us together in before and I have nothing wrong with that. Plus it'll give my FI and I some time alone before the day really starts.

blush64

We are doing our pictures before the ceremony so that we won't have a gap between them. They are in the same location. The ceremony starts at 4pm and the reception is right after. We didn't want to start things really early so this way we can get ready without having to worry about waking up really early but we'll still have time for pictures and everything else.

It doesn't mean anything to us for him not to see me before the wedding ceremony. We just aren't traditional in that way.

It makes sense for us so we get all the pictures done while we look great and the kids are in great moods.

EDIT I hadn't heard of a first look until reading about it on the boards here. We had just planned the pictures first to make it easier. We won't be seeing any guests before the wedding, just the WP and each other. The walk down the aisle will be just as special to us because it is still the last time we look at eachother as unmarried, even though we saw each other earlier that is the last time.

diehld

We are not doing a first look but we are taking picture before hand... Like me and all the BMs and all the GMs... that is just so they can go down there and brag!!! I am so excited I love pictures but I want the first time he sees me to be when I am walking towards him!!!

Cynthia1207

we're not doing it because I want to see FI when I get to the church.  It's tradition.  We also have a 3 hour gap between our ceremony and reception so our pictures won't be rushed.

jkomisar

What about a "post look"? Take pictures the next day maybe? If you have a lax hairstyle that you may not have to re-do anyway why not take them the day after? Just a thought.