Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

I'm torn - Who should walk me down the isle?

Long story but I will try to keep it short.
From the get go my step dad has wanted to walk me down the isle.  He has been in my life for 23 years, and for 23 years we have never been close.  He is not a father/dad figure to me.  He offered and paid for 95% of the wedding, so he feels he has the right to walk me down the isle.  I don't feel the same.  My real dad just got of prison in January, from being falsely accused.  I had a talk with both of them and decided that my read dad would walk me down the isle.  I had explained that my step dad has another daughter, who truly adores him, and he can have his special day with her.  Everything was okay till now.  My real dad has now been readmit to a prison-like-facility, because someone screwed up paper work along the line, and he can no longer come to the wedding.  I'm completely heart broken, and honestly don't even want to get married if he can not attend it.  I would push back the wedding day, but out of town guest have already made plans to attend the wedding. 
     So now I'm back to who is going to walk me down the isle now?  My officiate told me to picture the wedding, and how do I see myself walking down the isle.  In tears I said by myself, if my dad won't be there.  She said then that is how you should do it.  I was recently told that my grandma (dad's mom) would love to walk me down the isle.  I CAN picture this.  I told my mom about this and she is all of a sudden against me walking down the isle by myself or with my grandma.  I know that my step dad will be hurt if  he doesn't do it, not to mention cause future problems.  But it will hurt me if he does.  I could suck it up and just let him do it, but isn't the wedding suppose to be about me?  Just a side note, for the 23 years that my mom has been married to my step dad, they have been trying to get a divorce for the 23 years.  Like I said, we are not close, and he has he other daughter who truly loves him.  Please help me, I'm sick to my stomach over this situation.

Re: I'm torn - Who should walk me down the isle?

  • In this situation I would just advise you to walk down the aisle by yourself or have your grandmother walk you down the aisle if you're insistent about having someone escort you. 

    I am sorry that you're in this position and feeling this way, but it will all work out in the end.

    How does someone "try" to get a divorce for 23 years?  That doesn't make much sense.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    First, I'm sorry about your dad.

    Second, I would be very careful about hurting the feelings of the man who is paying for your wedding. I know that is not what you want to hear and I'm sorry.

    Would you consider having your Grandmother walk you half way down the aisle, to represent your dad,  and then switching off to StepF, since this means so much to him. The other solution would be to have your mother walk you. That shouldn't hurt anyone's feelings.
                       
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_im-torn-should-walk-down-isle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:5f533574-6ab6-4a5e-b01d-9059b6840b94Post:41e7f7da-efd2-4579-8057-042d7877d556">Re: I'm torn - Who should walk me down the isle?</a>:
    [QUOTE]First, I'm sorry about your dad. Second, I would be very careful about hurting the feelings of the man who is paying for your wedding. I know that is not what you want to hear and I'm sorry. Would you consider having your Grandmother walk you half way down the aisle, to represent your dad,  and then switching off to StepF, since this means so much to him. The other solution would be to have your mother walk you. That shouldn't hurt anyone's feelings.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]
    ditto
    image
  • Aisle.

    And yeah, sorry, but if your stepdad is paying for 95% of your wedding, he certainly cares about you enough that you should give some serious thought to letting him walk you down the aisle.  You don't say where your bio dad has been your whole life, but it sounds like your stepdad cares a lot about you and you never have given him a chance.  Just my opinion.  But I have to say, if I was paying for 95% of something, and couldn't do the one thing I REALLY want to do, I'd be pretty miffed.

    And I have to say, a lot of this sounds like a lot of MUD to me, not sure if anyone else feels the same.
    Crosswalk
  • Thank you all for your comments.

    What is MUD?

    My real Dad has been there all along.  My step dad has never been a father figure in my life.  Has only told me what to do as a kid, but we never had life conversations about anything.  I know he truly cares, so I will let him walk me down the AISLE like most of you have suggested.  I will admit I'm not happy about it, but I guess it's the least I could do for him. 

    To clairfy "tring to get a divorse"  My Mom and Step Dad have been going back and forth through their entire marrage about getting a divorse.  The only thing I believe that kept them together is that my mom never had the money to move us out, and second even though my step dad was unhappy he didn't want to be alone.  I don't know what else to say about that. 
  • I agree with pp.  I think you could compromise by letting your grandma walk you halfway, then letting your step dad walk you the rest of the way.  You could have your grand entrance with your grandma, and then let him hand you off to your FH.  That is an unpleasant situation.  I hope it works out ok.

    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
  • I know you have already made you decision but have you thought about having both your grandmother and your step dad walk you down the aisle. The you would have what you want as well as letting him walk you. It's just another sugestion.
    The most beautiful things in the world are not seen nor touched. They are felt with the heart. -- Helen Keller Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I think you should have your step-father walk you down the isle... talk to your father about the situation and make sure he knows how you feel. And then tell him that because he's not going to be able to attend, that you're considering letting your step-father give you away.

    If it's okay with your father, then no one will be offended. If your father has a problem with this, then use your grandmother.
  • Thank you all again.

    My step father is greedy.  He wants the whole walk or none.  So, I'm just going to let him do the whole thing.  I've talked to my grandma and she is completely okay with the situation.  As far as my real Dad is concerned, he understands.  Next spring I plan on having a very small 2nd wedding, where he can give me away.  Everything will be okay, I hope.  I just have to come to terms with myself that my real dad will not be there, and I should be okay.  No matter what, it's still going to be hard on me not having him there. 

    Once again, does anyone know what MUD stands for?  Pirata13 put in her comment. 
  • JenO24JenO24 member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    Why cant you have both your stepdad and gradmother walk you down the aisle?
    In my opinion, that would be a happier medium for everyone involved.
    imageAnniversary
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What about asking your Mom to walk you down? 
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards