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Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring?

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Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring?

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    My FI does not think a ring suites him. After seeing him try them on I am kinda of the same mind. It's his choice, all I said was that I wanted to get him one. If he wears it or not is up to him. But he is not bothered when I go out without my e-ring on as often on the weekends I don't wear any jewelry. So we will get him one and I will give it to him during our ceremony then it's all up to him.

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    H and I never had this discussion.  We both wear our rings any and every time we are outside our home, but when we get return we drop the rings into a dish by the door.  He accidentally hit me across the face while sleeping one night, and I was really glad we had decided not to wear our rings indoors.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-give-fianc-choice-of-whether-not-wear-wedding-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:61c61057-56c1-4b9b-8877-f4f1f997baa1Post:7a8248a5-4969-4caf-af12-26ee82773177">Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring? : Sorry, but I think that reasoning is pretty lame.  Really?  If he doesn't want to wear a ring, it's automatically because he wants everyone to think he's single?  You do know if he really wants the world to think he's single, he can just as easily take it off the minute he's out the door, right?  I know a lot of people (especially guys) who just don't like wearing jewelry.  It has nothing to do with their wives or the happiness of their marriage, they just don't like the feeling of a ring (or even a watch for some of them).   Personally, I would never insist DH be uncomfortable all day just because I had trust issues.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    No trust issues whatsoever. What makes it okay for you to assume that?  If I'm wearing his ring, he's wearing mine.  Period.  You're either all the way married or you're not.  He's insistent I wear a ring, so why should he get out of wearing one?  As I said, he wants to wear one, so it's a moot point for us.  Saying "I just don't like jewelry" is really juvenile, IMHO.  It's not a gold chain or an earring.  It's a wedding ring.  It's different.  We all do things we don't like doing.  For me, wearing a ring is not negotiable. (Dangerous job is the exception, but it'd better be on any other time.)  If I had any hint that it was ever coming off, I'd be out of there.  We all have dealbreakers, and that's one of mine. 
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    My FI is a welder, so he will not be wearing it at work, due to it being a huge hazard. But he will be wearing is everywhere else.

    He even made a comment of getting a thin ring tattoo on his ring finger, just a small line.
    But I said no. Because I think that's crazy. haha.
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    I never really asked him how he felt about it. He actually brought it up, because he wanted my help picking out his ring (Ours don't match, he just isn't used to picking out "man jewelry").

    I'll be honest and admit that if DH said he didn't want to wear a ring, I would have been upset. But he also has a job where there's no reason for him not to wear one.

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    I voted No, but it's never came up. I wouldn't force him, so I guess I should've voted yes? I don't know, he's super excited about wearing his.
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    FI would be upset if that question ever came up, he absolutely wants a ring and wants to wear it. He even knows exactly what he wants. He got upset when I insinuated that I might have to take mine off at work, (Law enforcement (safety protocol and then some)), so we agreed that if it had to come off for work purposes, I would wear a simple metal band around my ring finger in its place.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-give-fianc-choice-of-whether-not-wear-wedding-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:61c61057-56c1-4b9b-8877-f4f1f997baa1Post:7e323f27-9fa4-4dac-b020-47fe1a141166">Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would probably have a problem if he didn't want to, yes.  If he wants to be married to me, then he needs to not be afraid to let the world know he's married.<strong>  No ring is the same as wanting to give the impression of being single</strong>. Can't wear a ring is different than not wanting to, IMHO.
    Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Really?</div><div>
    </div><div>I get it's a deal breaker for you, but I do not believe that not wearing a material item = giving the impression of being single.  Men in my family (both sides) generally do not wear rings and they have all had very long faithful marriages.</div><div>
    </div><div>Oh and there are a lot of married people (men and woman) who wear rings and yet still have affairs.  

    </div><div>An adult (man or woman) should not be forced to wear anything they do not want to wear. And yes I believe "because I don't want to" is a valid excuse.</div>






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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-give-fianc-choice-of-whether-not-wear-wedding-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:61c61057-56c1-4b9b-8877-f4f1f997baa1Post:e775a0e0-c6bf-4efe-986a-17fd8e6e2344">Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring?</a>:
    [QUOTE]He would not be happy if I wasn't wearing a ring. Therefore, he will be wearing one also-- two way street. I think if the guy works with his hands a lot or something then it's a valid choice, but for us, rings were a must.
    Posted by HappinessByTheKilowatt[/QUOTE]

    This is how we feel too. We'll both be wearing rings.

    I wouldn't be happy if I was Kate Middleton but everyone will know Prince William is married!

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    I wonder what Prince William's reasoning for not wearing a ring is.

    Personally, I love my e-ring, I thinks its gorgeous -  but I don't wear it all the time. I work with my hands and don't want to get it scratched up or lost, so I'll leave it home much of the time. Its also a little uncomfortable (itchy) and I suspect I have a mild allergy to the metal. My FI hasn't worn his ring yet (except to try it on) because we're not married. He never wears any type of jewelery. If he finds the ring uncomfortable, I wouldn't mind if he didn't wear it.

    However, if my fiance announced that he was not going to wear a ring, I'd want to know why. If its because he doesn't like the look of wearing jewelery or its because the ring is uncomfortable, I'd understand. However, if my fiance was opposed to the concept of the ring - the visual sign that he is in a committed relationship - then I'd be concerned.



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    Frankly, I'm just troubled by the question.  I don't force my DH to make choices, and he doesn't force me to make choices.  I think the original question implies some sort of "control" issues:  do you "make" your FI/DH do something that he's inherently opposed to?

    As long as it doesn't harm either of us, I'm not sure where I would get off giving him a "choice" on what to do.  I'm wording this poorly, but the question just seems wrong to me.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-give-fianc-choice-of-whether-not-wear-wedding-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:61c61057-56c1-4b9b-8877-f4f1f997baa1Post:cb236888-7b1e-46bc-b2d7-23c4837b5059">Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring?</a>:
    [QUOTE] However, if my fiance announced that he was not going to wear a ring, I'd want to know why. If its because he doesn't like the look of wearing jewelery or its because the ring is uncomfortable, I'd understand. <strong>However, if my fiance was opposed to the concept of the ring - the visual sign that he is in a committed relationship - then I'd be concerned.
    </strong>Posted by mctlong[/QUOTE]

    I think this sums it up nicely, although I would have a really hard time understanding those reasons why he didn't want to wear it.  There are hundreds of rings out there, one is bound to be comfortable enough to get used to.  I still don't think that 'I just don't wanna (insert tantrum here)' is a valid excuse.  It doesn't fly with me. It might with another woman, but not me.

    The last sentence sums it up.  If he's not willing to make it clear that he's committed, then somewhere inside he has a problem with that commitment, even if he doesn't yet know he has that problem. And the problem isn't with who he's committed to, it's within himself.  A man who's going to cheat is going to do it with or without a ring, that doesn't make a difference.  And women will still hit on a man wearing a ring, that won't ever change either.  FI believes strongly in the last sentence as well, and believes it's a sign of respect for me (as his wife) to wear it, and would not be respectful of him to not wear one (his opinion, not mine).

    FI and I discussed our dealbreakers when we first started talking about marriage.  Two of mine were the ring (as in he was going to wear one), and that I was not under any circumstances going to change my name.  Fortunately those weren't a problem with him, and his weren't a problem with me.  We are lucky that way.  Had he not been fine with either or both of those things, then we'd either be in therapy together or not together at all.
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    par31par31 member
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    Its his choice if he will wear the ring day to day but  I do expect him to wear on special occasions 
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    When I was a kid my dad didn't wear a wedding band.  He had one, but worked with his hands and never wore it.  Finally he gained enough weight that it didn't fit anymore, and with the pattern on it he couldn't get it re-sized.   I was probably 13 or 14 before I realized that men even wore wedding rings.
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    edited April 2011
    I never explicitly demanded it, but I prefer he wears once, since I wear one. He wanted to wear one anyway, so it was never an issue.

    My dad never wore a ring, I don't think, so I'm not sure how I found out that men do. But I remember thinking it was weird that my dad didn't. He never wears any kind of jewelry as he's a risk manager and was often at accident sites, as well as being a volunteer firefighter.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-give-fianc-choice-of-whether-not-wear-wedding-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:61c61057-56c1-4b9b-8877-f4f1f997baa1Post:395e7cb5-f0e5-49f6-b17a-7e8cd8c32a67">Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI is excited to wear his ring. When we first got our bands he would wear it just for fun. <strong>Did they say why Prince William doesn't want to wear his ring??</strong>
    Posted by mary9449[/QUOTE]

    1) It's not traditional for men to wear a ring
    2) I believe it might be even less popular in England than it is here to do a double ring ceremony.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-give-fianc-choice-of-whether-not-wear-wedding-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:61c61057-56c1-4b9b-8877-f4f1f997baa1Post:d43d25b3-72cc-42ab-bb96-2745ef1be7cf">Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I gave H a choice.  He's a mechanic and I was afraid of him getting it caught on something while working and injuring himself.  He was more afraid of losing it.  We both thought he would only wear it when he wasn't at work or traipsing around in the woods (he hunts and fishes).  However, he decided a few weeks after the wedding that he liked wearing it and would wear it all the time.  His choice, not mine.
    Posted by lisarose7[/QUOTE]

    We're in the same situation - FI is a transport truck mechanic, hunts, fishes, works on his cars at home, so in all likelihood he won't wear his ring very often.  If he does, that's up to him.  I'm not going to force him to.
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    The boyfriend and I have talked about marriage several times in the last 6 months or so. One of the things that we did talk about was rings. It was more of to get an idea of what I would want/like for when the times comes. After saying some of the things that are an absolute yes and nos, he told me that he won't wear a wedding band. I kinda looked at him funny for a few seconds and then asked him Why curiously. He gave me 2 BIG reasons why. The first is that he's an officer. So I thought OK, foot chases, raids ect...he could lose it. This is what I thought which was only a part of it. He told me more. A big part is for his and my safety. Apparently alot of criminals look at cops hands for a ring caus if there's a ring they can do more damamge cause not only are they hurting/killing the cop, they just hurt the cops wife/husband and kids if they have any. After that, I saw his point but was still kind of sad that he wouldn't be wearing a ring. Before I could say anything, he gave me the second reason. When he was a kid(thing around 12 or 13) a best friends dad or relative(cant remember at the moment) got his hand crushed and the ring amputated his finger. I saw where he was coming from on the second reasoning. I did ask him if he would at least get a band so we could exchange rings and after the wedding he could put it on a necklace. He thought about it for a couple mins and said yes.
    I'll probably end up doing the same too since I'm going to go for my officer traing and cert. So when I get my engagement ring and later wedding ring, while I'm working, it/they'll be on a necklance. When not working, it/they'll be on finger. I think it's a little bit of a comprimise but it works for us. Also I think the rings will end up being worn more on the necklaces than on the fingers since we both work or soon to be working in law enforcement/EMS/fire fighter positions.
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    I didn't vote, because this discussion never came up for us. However, if FI didn't want to wear one for some reason, I wouldn't care. He is a very simple man, he doesn't have much more than the necessities and he is def. not a jewelry person. I just don't think it's that important in the big picture. He is going to wear one, but we never really talked about it. He just showed me pictures of ones that he wants. He found some on slickdeals for $5. They were ceramic and therefore can break easily, so he brought up the idea of buying several just in case they broke, since they were so cheap. LOL!

    I take my ring off as soon as I get home. I don't wear it when doing dishes, using cleaners, or sleeping. It just gets in the way for me, not to mention that I've scratched the leather in my car, the paint in our bedroom, etc.
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    My fiance will not wear his wedding band except when we're out socially.  He works on a farm with his hands all day long.  His hands are beat up and scratched up all the time.  I'd rather him not wear it when he's working, than him losing a finger. 
    I don't wear my engagement ring when I'm out working with the horses for the same reason.  Too many things it could get caught on and I really don't want to lose a finger.
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    why is it your choice to "give"?  my H can make his own choices on things like this.  its not my place to tell him one way or the other.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-give-fianc-choice-of-whether-not-wear-wedding-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:61c61057-56c1-4b9b-8877-f4f1f997baa1Post:6d0f9ed1-3aba-4832-bbde-020f42eb1829">Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring?</a>:
    [QUOTE]why is it your choice to "give"?  my H can make his own choices on things like this.  its not my place to tell him one way or the other.
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    ^^This^^.  It's what I was trying to say above, but didn't word it as well.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-give-fianc-choice-of-whether-not-wear-wedding-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:61c61057-56c1-4b9b-8877-f4f1f997baa1Post:6d0f9ed1-3aba-4832-bbde-020f42eb1829">Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring?</a>:
    [QUOTE]why is it your choice to "give"?  my H can make his own choices on things like this.  its not my place to tell him one way or the other.
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    Exactly. The topic never even came up for us, but it wouldn't bother me if he didn't want to wear one. FI was actually really excited about his ring. He started wearing his ring as soon as it arrived (a little over six months before the wedding).
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-give-fianc-choice-of-whether-not-wear-wedding-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:61c61057-56c1-4b9b-8877-f4f1f997baa1Post:e775a0e0-c6bf-4efe-986a-17fd8e6e2344">Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring?</a>:
    [QUOTE]He would not be happy if I wasn't wearing a ring. Therefore, he will be wearing one also-- two way street. I think if the guy works with his hands a lot or something then it's a valid choice, but for us, rings were a must.
    Posted by HappinessByTheKilowatt[/QUOTE]

    This exactly.
    FI will at least TRY to wear a ring. He's kinda reluctant since he's never worn one before and is assuming he won't like it, but he thinks my ring is important so I think it's important to at least give it a chance. His dad doesn't wear a ring because he's a carpenter so I know he's basing his thoughts on that, but FI works at a bank so he can't have that excuse ;) haha
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-give-fianc-choice-of-whether-not-wear-wedding-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:61c61057-56c1-4b9b-8877-f4f1f997baa1Post:d27df7b9-bc30-4f62-9a24-28205a9c6678">Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring? : No trust issues whatsoever. What makes it okay for you to assume that?  If I'm wearing his ring, he's wearing mine.  Period.  You're either all the way married or you're not.  He's insistent I wear a ring, so why should he get out of wearing one?  As I said, he wants to wear one, so it's a moot point for us.  Saying "I just don't like jewelry" is really juvenile, IMHO.  It's not a gold chain or an earring.  It's a wedding ring.  It's different.  We all do things we don't like doing.  For me, wearing a ring is not negotiable. (Dangerous job is the exception, but it'd better be on any other time.)  If I had any hint that it was ever coming off, I'd be out of there.  We all have dealbreakers, and that's one of mine. 
    Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]

    So... If I understand correctly... my husband, who has never worn any jewelry, including a class ring, in his life, is juvenile, for being on the fence about getting a ring? He is a master vehicle technician, cannot wear it to work, rides dirt bikes and motorcycles and cannot wear it then, bicycles, cannot wear it then, and certainly doesn't wear it when he ATVs or works on our cars. So - he wears it if we go shopping or out to dinner.
    It was NOT my place to tell him he had to get a ring, although I answered the poorly worded poll "No". That was his choice. He didn't tell me I had to change my name; he didn't tell me I had to wear a ring.
    If forgetting his ring was a dealbreaker, in my opinion, that's pretty shallow. A dealbreaker for a marriage would be lying and cheating for us. Ring or not. Neither of us wear our rings at home, and both of us have gone out without them - in public, no less.  He even drove to Minneapolis for a whole day with his friend, Rick to hit up IKEA without me OR his ring! The horror.  
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    My FI is a laborer...he is constantly using his hands and handling machinery.  Not only does he wants to wear a ring, he wants a tattoo of my name on his ring finger.  I told him the tattoo is unnecessary...but he wants it anyway.

    So no choice to be made...we're in agreement.

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    Both of our jobs are not the best for wedding bands.  His presents danger to his own hand, mine presents danger to the patient's I take care of.  In this aspect, we never discussed "not buying" one, but rather understanding we can't wear ours to work.
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    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-give-fianc-choice-of-whether-not-wear-wedding-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:61c61057-56c1-4b9b-8877-f4f1f997baa1Post:01d4d714-31e0-48df-9c27-2ac494cd0323">Re: Did you give your fiancé a choice of whether or not to wear a wedding ring?</a>:
    [QUOTE]FI keeps talking about ''when I get my ring'' this and ''when I wear my ring'' that.  He's excited about it.  But um no I wouldn't have given him a choice whether to wear it or not. <strong> He got mad once because I took my ring off to go in the shower and he wrongfully thought I hadn't worn it that day at all....It goes both ways</strong>.
    Posted by Cynthia1207[/QUOTE]

    Same for me. My FI already wears his ring, and I wear mine. I'm not really sure why the man doesn't usually wear his ring during the engagement in our culture and the woman does. I guess to me, the engagement is the declaration of the intent to marry and commit. By this point, we're already committed to each other and to us the ring is a great way to declare that to others.

    My dad never wore a wedding ring and it always bothered me. Not that this is causation, but my parents were recently divorced. It just holds a negative image in my mind. When we first decided to get engaged, we talked about rings. My FI was a little worried about wearing one because he doesn't like wearing any kind of accessories or watches. I told him that I would be a liittle upset if he didn't have a ring. Like Cynthia's FI, he gets upset when I take mine off for just a few hours.
     
    Maybe we're traditionalists, but It's our declaration of love to the world around us. However, I don't have this view about all men. My brother is a mechanic and wears his ring on special occassions and not while he's working. It's fine with me. What ultimately matters is the heart. As many have said, if he had an intent to cheat of his wife, he could do it with or without a ring. My FI is extremely trustworthy, so that's not the issue. This is just what my FI and I decided. I couldn't "make" him do anything anyway. So far, he's really happy with his ring and completely forgets it's on because he's been wearing it for almost a year, so the "not wanting to wear jewelry" thing is no longer an issue.
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    I voted "no" because it never came up... like many PPs.  It just seemed to be a given that he would wear one.  I don't expect him to wear it all the time - if there are work conditions or sports or whatever where he doesn't want to or can't wear it he of course will take it off - just like I don't/won't wear my e-ring/wedding band everywhere.
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