My parents have been married for over 30 years and they're both my biological parents. The problem is - I'm REALLY not close with my father, and I know he's going to be a sobbing mess if we do dance. I don't want to be cruel, and I also don't want to deny my fiance the dance with his mother... but I feel very strongly that I do not want a father/daughter dance at my wedding. How do I break it to him? Or should I suck it up and find the shortest song possible?
Thanks for any advice!!
Re: How to tell Dad I don't want a father/daughter dance?
[QUOTE]My parents have been married for over 30 years and they're both my biological parents. The problem is - I'm REALLY not close with my father, and I know he's going to be a sobbing mess if we do dance. I don't want to be cruel, and I also don't want to deny my fiance the dance with his mother... but I feel very strongly that I do not want a father/daughter dance at my wedding. How do I break it to him? Or should I suck it up and find the shortest song possible? Thanks for any advice!!
Posted by mikeyn[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]The customs are meant to be meaningful. In my opinion, if they aren't going to be meaningful to you, you should cut it. As long as you aren't doing the mother-son dance, you don't have to do the father-daughter dance. It's both or nothing, though. If it would be really meaningful to him, though, why don't you find a more upbeat song, not something sappy.
Posted by ambermorley[/QUOTE]
I disagree that its both or nothing. You shouldn't penalize FI/FMIL just because you don't get along with your dad. If you don't have a good relationship with him, skip the dance. You don't need to feel obligated to do it just because of tradition.
That way your FI will have his Mother/Son dance, and you won't have to deal with a spotlight dance with you father; you won't risk hurting his feelings and will likely lessen your own discomfort by not dancing alone on the dance floor.
That's what I am doing.
As far as telling him, I wouldn't. I mean, if he asks then tell him. I think that if you decide to do it that you should tell him and even give him a heads up on the song.
It's your wedding, your rules.
It's fine if you don't want to do it, but please tell him BEFORE the wedding.
Finding Beauty In Negative Spaces Blog
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to tell Dad I don't want a father/daughter dance? : Seriously? You don't have a relationship with your father so you are robbing your FI of a special moment that he'd like to have with his mother? Aren't you sweet.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
Oh chill out. It was a mutual decision. Don't jump to conclusions based on one sentence. If you finish reading you'll see he still gets his special moment. If you feel that its only special if it's public then you have some vanity issues.
[QUOTE] We worked out a compromise that we would do the first dance and the next dance (some time later after dinner not immediately following) he would ask his mother to dance with him. There will be no introduction, no calling out that it's a monther/son dance but she still gets to have the second dance with him (ideally with others already on the floor). I can't imagine every parent would be comfortable in the spotlight either so this way kind of relieves the pressure for them both and doesn't underscore the fact that one dance is missing.
Posted by bdriley[/QUOTE]
My FI's mom is deceased so there's no worry about unevenness, but my dad is terrrrribly shy so this is how I'm handling our father-daughter dance. Not even the second dance, just a special song in the playlist later in the evening.