Children At Wedding

krysw

My Fiance and I had initially decided that we did NOT want to have anyone under the age of 17 present at the wedding ceremony/reception. After a lot of push from his parents, he changed his mind and told me that he would like to have his younger cousins present at the wedding (ages 2-13). I am freaking out! Should I be though? What are your experiences with having children at weddings? I just picture them running around and destroying everything or making a scene during the ceremony.

Avion22

In my experience, children rarely "run around" and I've never seen one "destroy anything" at a wedding.   Sure, sometimes really young kids (2 and under?) have meltdowns, but usually the parents are so mortified that they take the kid away until he or she is better.   

If your venue isn't child-friendly (maybe has a lot of fragile decorations or expensive artwork, or has water features or other safety hazards) then I think it's fine to have an adult-only reception.  Heck, even if it IS a child-friendly location, you don't need to invite kids if you don't want to.   

If he really wants his cousins there, I think that's reasonable.  I wouldn't let it freak you out.   

JaxInBlue

We had over a dozen kids at our wedding and didn't have a problem.  No one cried or complained during the ceremony and while the kids did run around at the reception, it was anything unexpected or inappropriate for our venue and space. 

We anticipated having a lot of children and did a few things to prepare.  We worked with DH's siblings to identify and hire babysitters they were comfortable with for the reception.  At the reception, we had a separate, nearby room (supervised by said babysitters) stocked with kids' stuff - DVDs, coloring books, puzzles and games where the kids could go if they didn't want to be in the main reception room. Kids went home or laid down when they were tired; there were no major meltdowns, and everyone had fun watching the littlest ones on the dance floor. 

If your FI wants his cousins present, and you have room in your budget, I don't think it will be a problem.  You just need to come to a consensus.

vexie

I think children add a lot of fun to the wedding!  They usually bring the most smiles and make for amazing photos/videos being all cute on the dance floor.   Do the children you're planning on inviting usually act out of control, run around and break things? If not, why would they just because they're at a wedding. Their parents are there to supervise and keep them quiet during the ceremony.  We had all our nieces and nephews (ages 3-11) at our wedding and they were all so good it was amazing!  They were just so excited to see their Auntie get married   It doesn't hurt to have some colouring books, crayons etc for reception because they will finish eating much quicker than the adults and that's when they could get bored.

krysw

I like the idea of hiring a babysitter or having a separate room to use as a play area.
Unfortunately, there are a couple of younger cousins (6 and 8) who are rarely ever disciplined. Every family function or even when we all go to Church, they wreck things, spill things, scream, cry, ect..

AdeleDazeem

All this nervousness over kids never ceases to baffle me.  Do you honestly believe that one child will run down the aisle, grab all your decorations and throw them on the ground, run up to your dress and draw with crayon all over it and then grab your bouquet and stomp on it before torching the joint and running outside?  Really?

toothpastechica

If you do not want children at the wedding, stand firm. Understand that some people might not be able to come becuse they choose to not leave little jonny with a babysitter, but thats thier choice. I think inlcuding some children and not others is risky, even if it makes sence to you (well they are all cousins), other people will see children running around...and especially if they are as you have mentioned "undisciplined" children, they dont know its your cousin they just see that someones loud child was invited and thier child (who might be better behaved) wasn't. Usually I think circles work, but with children, I think anything past immidiate family its hard to do some and not others since the others may not know that those children are related...not know every single one of your cousins etc. Having said that, if your wedding is pretty 'family reunion' kinda of feel, then not having kids there might be wierd, and I don't think it will be as terrible as you seem to think, most of the time people at weddings think even the most challanging of kids are cute.

TiffannieF

I had a kid (child of a MOH) freak out when his mom went out (he was RB so she walked just before him) so we ran out yelling "mommy!"  It annoyed the h3ll out of me but everybody else thought it was cute.  And in all honesty, it annoyed me because this kid was a complete spoiled brat that couldn't be away from his mom for 5 minutes with out throwing a fit.

At our wedding my 2 year old niece made all kinds of noises during the ceremony, everybody thought it was cute.

At the reception my 3 year old nephew just ran around, didn't make a big deal, mess, or anything.

I share all of this because what ever kids do people think its cute.  So I don't think you should have anything to worry about.  Maybe make some "goodie bags" for them at a kids table with coloring books and what not to help entertain them.

NOLAbridealmost

When I was young, my parents brought me and my brother to a wedding. Brother was about 8.  He running around dancing to the music and ran straight into the foot of the mother of the groom that whacked him him the face during a swing dance maneuver.He burst into tears and ran away, my dad had to chase him, the mother of the groom started laughing and the entire thing was caught on camera. 

We watch it sometimes at Christmas because even though at the time it was a huge mess, it's hill-freaking-larious now.

So.  I guess my point is kids can definitely cause a ruckus even if they don't mean to. But it's all funny looking back. 

ElisabethJoanne

You should not be freaking out.

Most weddings I go to have lots of kids. The parents remove them from the main part of the church if they make noise, or even too much motion, during the ceremony.

At the reception, they create a different vibe, but I've never seen anything spilled, wrecked, broken, or other bad scenes. I've seen lots of pretty brides dancing with half a dozen pretty little girls. Lots of babies with faces covered in cake. Basically, like others have said, lots of cute, but not adult or posh, moments.

StephBeanWed61502

I'll be honest, I've been to tons of weddings with kids, and I've never seen a kid "ruin" anything.  Is it the same vibe as an adults-only party?  No, but it's not necessarily a bad thing.  They'll likely play on the dance floor, want to dance with you, and eat as much cake/dessert as their parents will let them get their hands on.

mcskatcat

My experience has been that drunk adults are just as bad, if not worse, than the children at a wedding.  We didn't have a single mishap with children at our wedding, and had more than one fraternity brother of my DH greatly embarrass us. 

I would bet odds are you have a rough idea of how well-behaved the children on your FI's side are.  I had the most horrendous cousins growing up and they were awful at more than one event, so I can understand your concern.  But I've also been to many, many events were kids were no issue. 

melb2013

I think it's your wedding and it can be either way.  That being said, I also agree that children can be a lot of fun at weddings!  Often people have very fond memories of weddings they attended as children.  My mother always talks about her cousin's wedding where she was the flower girl when she was five and how grown up she felt.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_children-at-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:9fd07469-a747-4f21-9d31-a09b8db4e1b2Post:810bdda5-1e70-4f44-8ca9-02c83e22d5a5">Re: Children At Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I like the idea of hiring a babysitter or having a separate room to use as a play area. Unfortunately, there are a couple of younger cousins (6 and 8) who are rarely ever disciplined. Every family function or even when we all go to Church, they wreck things, spill things, scream, cry, ect..
Posted by krysw[/QUOTE]

This is what you need to discuss specifically with your FI.  I ended a friendship with longtime friends because they procreated 4 of the worst behaved girls you will ever meet and never disciplined them.  I decided I wasn't giving up my relationship with children of my other friends so I broke off the relationship.  I'm a firm believer that I don't have to suffer the consequences of poor parenting.  Fortuanately they weren't family, but I don't think I would have done anything differently there either.

Discuss actual events where these children have been a problem and exactly how many times you have witnessed this.  Is it once or twice or are we talking every time here?  Sit down and chat about what is important to both of you and how you can make it work.  Good luck.

ETA - keep in mind that there are many parents who will not leave kids with babysitters they don't know and having a babysitting room doesn't mean little Susie won't be coming out to be with her parents instead.

jujub423

I really think it depends on the kids.  My youngest nephew (3) is prone to meltdowns, but what 3 year old isn't?  We aren't inviting kids for multiple reasons, but we went to a wedding this past summer where a kid had a meltdown, and it was awful.  His mother was in the wedding party, no father but her brother was sitting with him.  He's about 4 years old.  He saw his mom up at the altar and started losing it--screaming, crying, yelling mamamamamama over and over, no one did anything.  Her brother just sat there and let him carry on.  Finally he'd had enough and just let the kid go and run up to the altar to his mom, pulling on her dress and carrying on with the meltdown, throwing himself on the ground and banging his little hands on the floor until she picked him up.  No one heard the vows.  All we were able to actually hear was the very beginning of the ceremony and when the minister pronounced them husband and wife.  The kids mom was mortified and kept apologizing to the bride after the ceremony. 

Basically, kids can be unpredictable, but the person in charge of them at the wedding should be prepared to take the kid away to calm down when something like that happens.  My sister-in-law decided against bringing her son to our wedding (he's 1 1/2), because she doesn't want her parents to have to step out of the ceremony in case he gets upset for some reason.  So I guess it's not really about the kids, it's about who is in charge of taking care of them.  If your relatives are the type to just let their kid carry on and cause a scene and not do anything about it, I wouldn't invite children.

lpowers1118

Honestly,
I don't believe that the bride and groom, or whoever is hosting the wedding, should feel obligated to hire a babysitter.   As one PP stated, many parents won't feel comfortable with someone they do not know.  While I think it is a great idea to have a kids area with movies, crayons, books, etc, it's not the responsibility of someone who is not the parent to take care of the child.

Also, many parents use weddings as a great excuse to get out away from their kids for the night.  I've noticed when I go to weddings that friends of mine who have kids hire a sitter at home so they can get out and have kids free night. 

Lisa50

I don't blame you for being worried about potential misbehavior (some kids misbehave) but "freaking out" might be a bit extreme.  As the saying goes: Pray for the best, prepare for the worst.  Invite the kids.  Make sure you order kids' meals (if appropriate) and put them on the other side of the room.

Don't put too much time into worrying about it.  Good luck!

mbuckley85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_children-at-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:9fd07469-a747-4f21-9d31-a09b8db4e1b2Post:04291b52-1167-432f-890e-b1a154feefad">Re: Children At Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]All this nervousness over kids never ceases to baffle me.  Do you honestly believe that one child will run down the aisle, grab all your decorations and throw them on the ground, run up to your dress and draw with crayon all over it and then grab your bouquet and stomp on it before torching the joint and running outside?  Really?
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I have a cousin that might do this (minus the torching...he's only 3).</div><div>

</div>

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_children-at-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:9fd07469-a747-4f21-9d31-a09b8db4e1b2Post:d83e1d4b-1dbb-4cef-b1ae-54d2ff3fd4e8">Re: Children At Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Children At Wedding : I have a cousin that might do this (minus the torching...he's only 3).
Posted by mbuckley85[/QUOTE]

Well, she did say these children misbehave and break and ruin things at every family function. That would be enough for me, but then again, I'm still stewing about the happy child at DD's wedding who talked loudly through the entire ceremony and I seriously couldn't hear her vows.  Been a huge fan of no kid weddings since.

pattib5

If you and your FI don't want kids at the wedding, you shouldn't feel pressured into inviting them. Especially if the children in question are known to misbehave and leave wreckage in their path.

While many people find children's antics "cute", I'm one of those who doesn't always think they enhance a wedding. The last wedding I attended, all the children were well behaved (as far as I noticed) and generally adorable. There were some very cute children there dancing up a storm on the dance floor. It was adorable for about 5 minutes. But they never left the dance floor and the adults who actually wanted to dance had no room thanks to the children.

AngelRiddle

Eh...we're not having kids at our wedding.  Literally every wedding we've been to where children were present, there was always a child causing some scene.  At a wedding I went to last summer, the child sitting in the row in front of me would yell at her mother during the ceremony because she wouldn't read to her.  So, of course, the mother kept the child quiet by quietly reading to her.  The child would still yell when she'd stop.  In another wedding, a lady brought her baby that would start randomly screaming.  She never even took the baby into a quiet room or anything.  Not cool.

NolaLola100

If you dont want kids there, I wouldnt invite kids. He shouldnt let his family talk him into letting children come. It is your wedding and it should be about what you and your fiance want, not what his family wants. If you two originally made the decision together to not invite children to your wedding there must be a reason for that. Good luck!

mandctaft

I've been to both kinds. No one under 14 reception(venue rules) and a lots of receptions with kids. Honestly, the adult-only reception was boring, but that could be because they allowed too much time for everything. I agree with PP's though that most of the time children will behave better than expected and if not, parents will remove them until it gets better.

kate&cor2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_children-at-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:9fd07469-a747-4f21-9d31-a09b8db4e1b2Post:c1bf5812-46a0-47d5-9915-ecc573a35031">Re: Children At Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I really think it depends on the kids.  My youngest nephew (3) is prone to meltdowns, but what 3 year old isn't?  We aren't inviting kids for multiple reasons, but we went to a wedding this past summer where a kid had a meltdown, and it was awful.  His mother was in the wedding party, no father but her brother was sitting with him.  He's about 4 years old.  He saw his mom up at the altar and started losing it--screaming, crying, yelling mamamamamama over and over, no one did anything.  Her brother just sat there and let him carry on.  Finally he'd had enough and just let the kid go and run up to the altar to his mom, pulling on her dress and carrying on with the meltdown, throwing himself on the ground and banging his little hands on the floor until she picked him up.  No one heard the vows.  All we were able to actually hear was the very beginning of the ceremony and when the minister pronounced them husband and wife.  The kids mom was mortified and kept apologizing to the bride after the ceremony.  Basically, kids can be unpredictable, but the person in charge of them at the wedding should be prepared to take the kid away to calm down when something like that happens.  My sister-in-law decided against bringing her son to our wedding (he's 1 1/2), because she doesn't want her parents to have to step out of the ceremony in case he gets upset for some reason.  So I guess it's not really about the kids, it's about who is in charge of taking care of them.  If your relatives are the type to just let their kid carry on and cause a scene and not do anything about it, I wouldn't invite children.
Posted by jujub423[/QUOTE]
This is what I was most afriad of with my fiance's first cousin who is turning 5. She has been a flower girl in every family wedding for the past few years so based on principle alone, i'm making her a flowergirl so she wont lose her sh!t during the ceremony because she's not throwing petals like at the other wedding. She has either A)Been too afriad to walk down the aisle unless my brother in law would coax her out or B)Twirl around and throw the petals off to the side of the ceremony without walking down the aisle. I could care less, I'm only doing it so she doesn't have the meltdown to end all meltdowns because no one is babying her or paying attention to her enough. Also, my FMIL has coaxed me into inviting kids of family since they are shelling out a bit of cash. I'm kind of annoyed at the simply fact that at least 100 of the guests are her family alone, and the other 100 are my family and my fiance's friends combined, so it just keeps adding up and seems to always come with conditions (of course, but I really need the cash and have to heed her requests). There might be two infants there under 6 months old so I just HOPE the people decide to get a sitter.

cavsgirl1

We're NOT having children at our wedding.   The biggest reason for this is that we're having an adult / vegas themed wedding where it wouldn't be appropriate for kids to be at a casino style venue so that is our "cop out" when people approach us with the question of if kids can attend.   We also don't care for the idea of parents mixing children into functions where there is alcohol involved, and feel its irresponsible to do so, so to completely avoid this is also why we chose to not have children in attendance.   If you're worried about it tell your fiances parents to make sure they cover that portion of the bill if they're that persistant on it, but that you'd wish they be more respectful of YOUR wishes.  Good luck!

evanquil

We are only having one child at our wedding and that is my niece because she is the flower girl.  We did not want to have children at our wedding besides her because we know that the parents will not be responsible for their kids based off of previous expereinces with them at social events.  I say that if you can trust those kids AND their parents to be responsible, then there is nothing that you should worry about.  I would have a separate kids area though just because kids will need something to do.