Bachelor Party?? Advice

msumeg27

My fiance and I have been together for almost 5 years. We own a home, have a 2 year old, the whole lot. I know him inside and out and trust him completely. However, some very shady friends from his past are really excited to take him away for a weekend for "the ultimate bachelor party." My fiance would not cheat on me but he gives into peer pressure SO easily with these guys! I've told him I'm not a huge fan of the idea and he offered to cancel but he seemed a little dissappointed. Not sure how to handle this or just hope for the best.

Anyone else experience something similar??

AdeleDazeem

If you trust him, then you need to let this go.

Remember, you can't watch him 24-7 or dictate his behavior for any reason.  He is an adult and has the right to have a bachelor party and make his own decisions.  I would imagine a grown man has the balls to tell his friends no if he's uncomfortable.

[Deleted User]

Don't cancel it. Like pp said, you can't be with him all of the time. If you don't trust him, then there is a trust issue going on. If you trust him, you have nothing to worry about and let him go.

msumeg27

Thank you ladies!

kimp67

I gave my FI & his BM (even though it's not going to be for at least 8 months) only  one rule.......no touching.......he is not allowed to touch anyone & nobody is allowed to touch him!  lol

frogurt814

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bachelor-party-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cf048e3d-3a5d-4395-a14a-7b619a759f82Post:2d3dd5b5-97cb-42c4-b84c-771dfd7f7e1c">Re: Bachelor Party?? Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I gave my FI & his BM (even though it's not going to be for at least 8 months) only  one rule.......no touching.......he is not allowed to touch anyone & nobody is allowed to touch him!  lol
Posted by kimp67[/QUOTE]
I do know that at most strip clubs, they like to get the bachelor up on stage and give him a hard time so there will more than likely be touching.  I'm not saying the strippers will be groping him, but I think it's a little ridiculous to expect that no stripper (or any other radom woman at a bar) will touch him at all.

aerinpegadrak

Barring someone drugging him, no one can make him do something on this weekend trip that he doesn't, on some level, want to do.  My husband and I have a firm "look but don't touch" rule (and being touched is different than touching back), and I trust him to respect that.  So I don't have any issues with strip clubs or anything like that, because he's accountable for his own behavior.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

My fiance is going to Vegas this weekend with his friends for his party.  We throw around The Hangover jokes and laugh about it... but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little concerned.  His friends are crazy and like to drink A LOT.  His best man says he's been "training" for this trip all summer.

But you know what?  I trust my fiance.  Someone once told me this - and it makes sense to me - that you don't do things when you're drunk that are outside of your moral code when you're sober.  That's to say, if your man isn't in to strip clubs sober, he won't really be into it when he's drunk.  If he won't cheat on you sober, he won't cheat on you drunk.  Stuff like that.

I know there will be a lot of drinking in Vegas this weekend but I don't worry about him being around other women or compromising our relationship in any way.  But I have voiced my concerns to him that I do want them to be careful The wedding is almost two months away, I don't need anyone breaking any bones or getting arrested.  Truly though - I trust him.  He's been friends with these guys his whole life.  I have to trust that he'll make it out alive

Try not to stress about this situation too much. 

jerseydevil

My advice is to make sure you plan something fun for you the same weekend so that you have your own awesome time instead of worrying about what he's doing. Let him enjoy his guy's weekend!

duckie1905

If you say you trust him then don't you trust him to not give into "peer-pressure" and do something that will jeopardize your relationship.

Peer pressure is not a good reason to do something wrong.  Unless they drug him, tie him up, and literally force him to do something everything he does he does because he made a decision to do so.

So, the trust you claim you have should be just that.  Either you trust him or you don't.

MyNameIsNot

Either you trust him completely and you have nothing to worry about, or you don't trust him enough to withstand peer pressure.  If it's the latter, you have a bigger problem than this.

He's going to be (and probably has been) in plenty of tempting situations, and most of them will be during much less happy times in your relationship.  If you trust him completely, there is nothing to worry about, no matter where he is or who he is with.  

kimp67

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bachelor-party-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:cf048e3d-3a5d-4395-a14a-7b619a759f82Post:e208a8f6-be7c-4ffc-b511-1d7908e9a070">Re: Bachelor Party?? Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelor Party?? Advice : I do know that at most strip clubs, they like to get the bachelor up on stage and give him a hard time so there will more than likely be touching.  I'm not saying the strippers will be groping him, but I think it's a little ridiculous to expect that no stripper (or any other radom woman at a bar) will touch him at all.
Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]

He knows what I mean, I think you may have missed it.

frogurt814

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bachelor-party-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cf048e3d-3a5d-4395-a14a-7b619a759f82Post:a40fd460-6666-4302-95a5-0f126c52d56e">Re: Bachelor Party?? Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelor Party?? Advice : He knows what I mean, I think you may have missed it.
Posted by kimp67[/QUOTE]
Well, you said "no one is allowed to touch him.  I took that as "no one is allowed to touch him."  Not sure what's to be missed there.

kimp67

nevermind

DOLLIE.17

I am guessing that you are getting married because you love and trust him. Do just that. he will not cross the line unless you give him a reason to. Show him that you totally support him, and tell him you hope he has fun. Do Not show him you are worried. It is sort of a reverse psychology move. he will remember how happy you were for him, and how much you trust him to do the right thing. 
i told FI and his BM they could do whatever they wanted to. They were making jokes about strippers and hookers. But FI eventually said to the BM no strippers, (he says they are nasty and trashy) no casinos, no expensive dinners. he wants to do something he would not do with me.  Next weekend, they are going camping and White water rafting. 

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_bachelor-party-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:cf048e3d-3a5d-4395-a14a-7b619a759f82Post:9389d431-8f35-43a6-aeeb-07086cc38087">Re: Bachelor Party?? Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelor Party?? Advice : Woah! She wasn't being super literal. Don't be so crabby, sheesh. 
Posted by mikom2010[/QUOTE]
How are we to know that she wasn't being "super literal"?  It's a text-based medium.  Until they invent sarcasm font, we can only take posts at face value.

Norms Angel Forever

he's a grown man, he knows his boundaries and i assume as you are marrying him he knows how you feel on the situation especially if he offered to cancel it. he'll go, he'll have a great time (hopefully he'll remember most of it) and you will do the same at your bachelorette.
 i have to agree with jerseydevil tho! it's what we're doing, the boys are taking him to Niagra and the girls are taking me to Toronto so we'll be out doing our own thing with our people and it'll be wonderful! we'll come back Sunday and be just as in love as we were before we left and i know we wont come back with any confessions that would jeopardize us because we love each other and no matter how much we've had to drink we still love each other very much

go have fun with your girls and dont worry about your man, he'll likely end up in bed while the rest of the more untrustworthy BOYS continue with their immature boy things! just remember he loves you, and he respects you and based on that you have nothing to worry about!

not2ez2bgreen

A bachelor party doesn't have to include drinking and strip clubs!  If it means that much to you that your FI not patricipate in the objectification of strange women, and he loves and respects you, then it should mean that much to him too. Your feelings ought to mean enough to him that he spell out to his friends very clearly that he will not be going to any stripclubs, nor does he want to put in any situations that would make him feel compromised. If his friends really are true friends they will respect that as well. Then you don't look like the harping bride and his friends hire a stripper anyway.
That said, I don't understand watching naked strangers in the first place, let alone days before you make the biggest commitment of your life! If a man is days before getting married, one would assume that he has been in an exclusive relationship with his bride for quite some time, so why is the typical bachelor party the way to kiss his bachelor days good bye? That seems to me more like a "We've been dating for a while, and I think it's getting pretty serious, so this is my last chance to go out to the strip club" party. Would anyone honestly be engaged to a man who regularly goes out the the strip club and comes home wasted and smelling like an ash tray?
My FI and his friends are having a party with some cards, pizza, crappy junk food that we don't usually keep in the house, "guy" movies that we wouldn't usually agree on, and probably lots of joking around and punching each other. This is the kind of thing they used to do every weekend, that he doesn't have much time for anymore. These are the things a commited man should be celebrating and reminiscing.