Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Would this be bad?

So my wedding is next month, my FI is EXTREMELY shy (he can't stand attention, it makes him sweat and turn red) and so we had planned to have a short sweet ceremony wtih no frilly extras (READ: processional, vows, kiss, sign registry, recessional. No unity sand, no unity candle, no rose ceremony, no readings, no extras). Our officiant has advised us that this is too short and everyone will think they're being "punk'd". I'd hoped to make it as short as possible to spare my poor FI the embarassment of standing at the front of the church longer than absolutely necessary. Thoughts?

Re: Would this be bad?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_would-this-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f23042e3-6143-4ac0-b6f7-282a24cb4478Post:7741b74b-443b-48f8-88f6-98b67b67e2b3">Would this be bad?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my wedding is next month, my FI is EXTREMELY shy (he can't stand attention, it makes him sweat and turn red) and so we had planned to have a short sweet ceremony wtih no frilly extras (READ: processional, vows, kiss, sign registry, recessional. No unity sand, no unity candle, no rose ceremony, no readings, no extras). Our officiant has advised us that this is too short and everyone will think they're being "punk'd". I'd hoped to make it as short as possible to spare my poor FI the embarassment of standing at the front of the church longer than absolutely necessary. Thoughts?
    Posted by AshleyAngel[/QUOTE]

    Have your wedding how you want, everyone really just shows up for the reception anyway :D
    Ours actually ceremony will be short and sweet, vows (handwritten or generic) kiss, cheer, and off to the reception :D
  • Why not just go to the JOP, then it's just you two and a judge and a witness? If the crowd is what bothers him, take away the crowd.  :)
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    Nice officiant.  If this was his reaction, I'd look for someone else who has some empathy to marry you.
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    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • Your wedding ceremony should be what you want it to be.  Some people opt not to do those things for the exact reason that they are extras and not part of the ceremony. 
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  • Punk'd?  Seriously?  Our ceremony was about 15 minutes long, and it was fine.  We included everything we wanted to include, and no one said anything negative about it.  We didn't want to write our own vows, didn't want lots of readings or any songs.  Go with what is comfortable for you and FI.
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  • agree with PP's; however, if you did a couple of readings, the attention would be taken off of you and FI for a little while as people would pay attention to whoever is doing the readings.... so I think that could be an option.
  • This is exactly how we are doing our ceremony and no one has mentioned anything about it being too short.
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  • its your ceremony not the officiants...do it however you and your FI want and if the officiant has an issue with it maybe it would be worth looking into finding someone else if you have that kind of time frame
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  • I was MOH in my best friends wedding a couple years ago and her entire ceremony lasted about 6 mins or so. It was short, sweet and to the point. The whole point is to get married. All that other stuff, in my opinion, drags things out.
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  • I agree with getting a new officiant or someone who 'gets' you. That's an odd attitude to have.

    Our ceremony will probably be 15 mins as well, no frills. I'm also a 'turn red if more than 3 people have their eyes on me' person so I do get it. Do what you want.
  • First, I'd hire a different officiant. Whoever performs the ceremony should have an understanding of what will make the both of you happy and not put you down for it.

    Second, we had a 15 minute ceremony. DH and I really didn't care for a lot of "frills" (Readings, unity candles, songs, etc) either, so it was pretty much a processional, a short little speech about the similarities of what both our religions believe marriage is, vows, kiss, recessional. We couldn't have been happier, and our guests didn't think they were "punked".

    The length of your ceremony doesn't determine how much you guys love each other. Have the ceremony that makes you and your FI happy.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • Thanks everyone. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who is in favour of a short ceremony. I have decided to do short and sweet, the way I wanted.
  • Yeah, not cool what your officiant said.  I would probably be inclined to look for someone else too.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_would-this-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f23042e3-6143-4ac0-b6f7-282a24cb4478Post:d4e206ae-8f7e-4d7c-a0bd-d3318c0f6405">Re: Would this be bad?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was MOH in my best friends wedding a couple years ago and her entire ceremony lasted about 6 mins or so. It was short, sweet and to the point. The whole point is to get married. <strong>All that other stuff, in my opinion, drags things out.</strong>
    Posted by NaughtyJ[/QUOTE]

    Heaven forbid some people want to receive a sacrament.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_would-this-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:f23042e3-6143-4ac0-b6f7-282a24cb4478Post:3a6626ba-bdcd-4431-822e-ee62b618ea5e">Re: Would this be bad?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would this be bad? : Heaven forbid some people want to receive a sacrament.
    Posted by kristinanddan[/QUOTE]

    It is only a sacrament in the Catholic church. If this couple is getting married civilly, they do not need to do anything more than their vows. They should do what makes them comfortable.
  • Do what you guys want, people will be happy to be there.  Though I disagree with Belle2Be that "everyone just shows up for the reception anyway". My church was pretty packed, we had very few people who didn't attend the ceremony before going to the hall.  We had a beautiful, 40 minute Catholic mass. 


    I agree with pp who said doing a couple of readings can take focus off you & FI.  Where is your ceremony? A church? Your reception venue? Outdoors?  FI & I were seated off to the side of the altar, so we did not have to stand or kneel in front of everyone the whole time. See what the set up is, and depending on where you are getting married and what you may or may not be allowed for readings, do a short reading or two or even poems or something. I mean have friends/family do the readings/poems.  If you are both happy with the ceremony, that's all that matters.

    Crosswalk
  • P.S.--we also skipped the unity candle thing.  We felt we didn't need anything but exchanging of vows and rings to unify us!
    Crosswalk
  • First of all, you should get an officiant who is happy to do it YOUR way, afterall it is your wedding. I went to a wedding where the ceremony was about 15-20 minutes and let me tell you, it was GREAT! It was short, sweet, to the point and the bride and groom got to spend more time with loved ones. Do it how you want. Everyone loved the short ceremony and thought it was perfect.
    Anniversary
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