Bridemaids Dresses! HELP NEEDED!!

BeanFish

This past weekend my MOH and I started looking for bridesmaids dresses for my June 2010 wedding. I am not a picky person so I told her she can pick the dress since she is my bff and also since I know she has great taste in fashion. We went to a few places and did find a dress that we both really loved by Lela Rose (in what I'm thinking a teal color- I OBV. PICK THE COLOR, SHE PICKS THE STYLE!). Specifically, it is the Lela Rose LR 100 and LR 102. I am having 5 BM's total including my MOH. I'm thinking the halter style will be for the BM's and the other will be for my MOH, BOTH in a teal color. So the dress is cocktail length give or take a little near the knee. I am in love with this idea of knee length dresses and want my BM's to wear them for my big day. HOWEVER, this is causing a lot of drama between me & the boy. He is NOT happy with this idea of the dresses being this length because he says they are too short and prefers tea length!!!!!! I already established we are NOT having long dresses for the BM's because I had to go through the pain of wearing a strapless extra long dress a few July's ago for my cousin's wedding and I was SO extremely uncomfortable, so I don't want my girls to melt & feel the same way!! Yesterday my fiance took it upon himself to text my MOH telling her to make sure I did not OK the knee length dresses and she took great offense to this. I'm really upset he did this because now it feels like she's holding a grudge against me because he is getting involved! We had a bit of a blowout yesterday and I told him that he should let me take care of the choosing of the dresses. My bridesmaids will be shelling out their own $$$ for these dresses and I want them to be able to use them again.We are getting married on a Saturday and the ceremony is @ 3PM and the reception is @6PM @ banquet hall. I'm having a nervous breakdown and haven't even starting planning full force yet! So bottom line- is there any kind of etiquitte I should be following? Even though I know I should follow some kind of etiquitte, but I feel like I should be able to do whatever I want as far as dresses go for both me & my girls! Opinions? Help! Anything! Thank you in advance! xo

mbcdefg

As far as etiquette goes, your BMs should be dressed just as formally, and perhaps a bit moreso, than your female guests. So as long as your female guests won't be in floor-length gowns, then you're fine with shorter dresses. Look at your own gown as well, because your gown should also echo the overall formality of the wedding. As far as your FI ... he deserves input because it's his wedding, too. But you are far more of an expert on female fashion than him, I assume, and he can take full responsibility over the men's attire. So IMO he needs to butt out. I would just say, "Sorry, FI, but the BMs and I really prefer the knee-length dresses" and then that's the end of it. Another idea might be to have the BMs try on tea-length and they can tell him if they don't like it (tea-length sometimes makes shorter women look stumpy). (Also remember that tea length = hitting the calves, so this isn't the same as floor length. It's in between knee and floor length.) Is he giving input in other areas of the wedding? If not, this could be his way of telling you that he wants more say. If there was another area of the wedding where you vetoed one of his choices, maybe use that as a bargaining chip: "Tell you what - if you will just let the BM dress thing go, we'll go with whatever cake you want."

jeannigirl

Is their some reason why he is do dead set against your choice of length for your BP dresses.

banana468

As mbc said, the attire is part of the formality of the ceremony but a 6 PM reception in a banquet hall does not require tea length dresses.  The knee length in the appropriate cut  and fabric can be fine for that time of day.Moreover, your FI was out of line.  Just like it would be out of place for you to call a GM and say, "Make sure FI doesn't do this!" it's not his place to do that either.   If he has a habit of being this controlling, I'd see this as a large red flag that he's not trusting you or your taste.As for the length, I'd also let him know that knee length is fine and tea length is VERY difficult for some people to wear.  It's a length I originally wanted on my BMs but ultimately it just wasn't working for their body types (and they all varied).  Ultimately they opted for strapless long dresses but that's just because they looked the best in the strapless.I'd have a talk with your FI about the etiquette and trusting your judgment. 

BeanFish

first & foremost, i would like to say THANK YOU sosososo much to all of you girls for responding! :-)  this helps sort my braincells a TON! i was miserable at work today dwelling over this saga. the FI is coming over later this evening so we can start our guest list & discuss this dress topic a bit more in detail. but now the MOH/bff is holding a grudge of which i was totes expecting. i habe such a BAD feeling she is going to back out soon....jeannigirl- im 99% sure he is so against knee length because he comes from a very traditonal family- the kind that goes by the book for just about EVERYTHING! along with that, they are typical religious [pentacostal] christians who never miss a sunday @ church, so i'm going to play it safe and say he hopes and intends for the modest look for our girls during our ceremony at the church partically to make his momma happy. fyi- i love the mother in law tons, but sometimes she has trouble seeing things from others perspectives! grrrr>:-(

jeannigirl

So someone would back out on being in your BP if you changed the length of the dress. That sounds awful petty of them. I do understand the idea of modesty of dress for a wedding. Their are many pretty or cute dresses that fall just on the knee  or even a little above knee would be modest. I hope that you and FI can come to what you both feel good about.

banana468

Is the attire requirement of his church that women bare no skin below the knee?  Unless that's the requirement of the location where you two are getting married, this still is not his call.That he even thought it was is frightening to me.

jagonzalez

Oh my... It's your wedding. It's your one big day... the day you have been dreaming about since you were a little girl. You aren't going to have the chance to redo this. Make it what you want and how you want. Etiquette, your fiance and future mother-in-law shouldn't matter. I'm sure they'll get over it. Is such a fuss really necessary over the lenght of dresses? I feel sorry for you if the rest of your wedding planning follows suit to this minor detail. Best of luck to you!

BeanFish

Thanks girls! Well, the FI just left a little while ago. After discussing this silly topic, he said the reason he is so against knee length is because he doesn't want to see any of the girl's kneecaps & he thinks it's ugly & will be an eyesore for our pictures! I think I'm going to sign him up for an epi of Bridezillas.... :-) And the saga continues....

BeanFish

This is the dress I would like for my MOH: http://www.dessy.com/dresses/lelarose/lr102/?color=oasis&colorid=995 And for the rest of my BM'sI would really like this:http://www.dessy.com/dresses/lelarose/lr100/ both in Oasis. Honest opinions, are they too short and informal?

banana468

Etiquette, your fiance and future mother-in-law shouldn't matter.Huh?  ALL of the matter.  The day ceases to be something where the OP gets to do whatever she would like as soon as she involves others.  That said, it's not acceptable at all for her FI to pick up the phone and tell the BMs that because he doesn't like something that they need to not get it.BeanFish, are you serious that he thinks kneecaps are ugly? Has he ever told you that he thinks your body is pretty?  It's a bold question but IMO, I'd never marry someone who didn't love all of me.

mikesboo23

Personally I don't like those dresses, but my opinion shouldn't matter if it's what you like.  Would your MOH still be mad if you picked something just past the knee?  It wouldn't have to be tea lenth.  Check out the Mori Lee 'affairs' collection.  They are all shorter dresses but all below the knee. http://morilee.com/Affairs.aspxI agree that his problem with the dresses is pretty strange.  Who even looks at knee caps?