Dropping BM's

knina

I have two cousins that I asked to be in our wedding in Feb of 2007 right after we had got engaged. I only asked them because I had no other females that I was close to at the time and at one point in my life I was close to each of my cousins. So now that its getting closer to the wedding I relize that I don't ever talk to either of them other than maybe once a year and maybe an occasional text message. I have females that I'm closer to now that I would rather in the wedding. I don't want people I never talk to in the wedding! Also I went camping in june with family and one of them was there, total disaster! FI and I can't even stand her, if she wasn't family I would never talk to her again! Anyways, what do I do, how do I say it, or e-mail it ect? I need your help ladies.

PinkElephantsOnParade

If you want to add people, that's okay, but you selected these girls.  It was your mistake not theirs.  You made your bed, now I think yo have to lie in it.

banana468

It's not acceptable at all to drop the BMs however you can add to the BP.Dropping your cousins would open the door for a rift in the family and it would make it seem as if you truly don't care about them.  Please don't do that.

ffmaid

You can not kick them out of the wedding as you have already asked them to be in it however if you would like to ask others you may do so. Kicking a bm out of teh wedding is a friendship ending move and in case of family a family feud causing move. Do not do so it is rude and honestly a good reason for noone in your family to attend your wedding or talk to you ever again.

jeannigirl

So what do you want us to tell you its ok to kick your family out of your wedding? This is what happens everytime when a bride asks someone way to early in the game. Then they come here wanting us to support them for doing that act because they had a falling out with a friend or family member.I would not suggest making that move has it will have def consquences on you and your family dynamics. It could be like a dominio affect, that could result in many family members not attending your wedding.  Possible alientation of family in the process. However if you don't care then do what you got to do.

aerinpegadrak

3 1/2 years out?  That's gotta be a new record around these parts.Work on patching up the relationship first, you've got plenty of time.  You don't have to be best friends, but you can be civil.  If it's beyond that point, then you can "drop" them, but be aware that you're more than likely going to make a lot of people in your family very angry.  I've heard people on this board tell stories of wedding party family feuds that are still going strong FIFTY years later.  Think long and hard about that.And communication goes two ways.  If "you don't want people you never talk to in the wedding," well, start talking.

knina

First off the reason I asked them so far in advance is because origanally we were getting married in June of 2008 After we got engaged I was so excited to start wedding planning choosing my BM's came up first since FI already had his GM. then when 2008 came we bought a house instead, then when 2009 came both Fi's parents and mine were having finacial troubles so we chose to use our wedding money to help them. So thats why we are now getting married in 2010. I do agree with you ladies and I am not going to drop anyone. But maybe I'll get lucky and they'll feel the same way and the problem will solve itself. But if not I will just suck it up and deal with it. Thanks for the advice.

ffmaid

Well in that case wait till fall 2011 as you will have life come up a few more times and postpone your wedding 2-10 more times

jeannigirl

That is very thoughtful of you to help out your parents like that. I hope that you will be able to have your wedding. I know that things do come up has that is life. Its hard. We have been together for 6 years this August and have talked and set dates but have had to put it on the back burner a few times, due to some thnigs, but I am really looking to doing it this next year even if I have to budget like a mad woman to achieve this.

mbcdefg

Ah, so it seems like you didn't jump the gun. My apologies then. Anyway, IMO since they're family, it'll cause more drama to kick them out than leave them in. If you can't stand interacting with the one girl, just give her the need-to-know info (info about BM dress shopping, where to get the BM dress, etc., and where/when to be on the wedding day later on), and ignore any bad comments from her other than that. If she drops out on her own, fine, otherwise leave it alone.