Bridesmaid issue

[Deleted User]

Ok so here goes... One of my closest friends, a friend even from childhood, is someone I would love to have in my wedding except for the one issue. She is COVERED in tattoos!! On any other day I don't mind one bit, but that is not something I really care to have plastered all over my my wedding pictures. Has anyone ever dealt with a situation like this? Or does anyone have any advice on the best way I could possibly confront the situation? I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, but then again I don't exactly want all that up there either. I'm in a bind, please help me out!

blackfire5th

If her tattoos don't bother you on a normal day, why would they bother you on your wedding day?

[Deleted User]

To be perfectly honest, there are just too many of them and they are huge. It would be very distracting. No matter what style dress I could put her in, they would be every where. Not what I want on my wedding day.

blackfire5th

Trust me, NO ONE will be distracted by your bm tatts on your wedding day. They will be there for you and your DH. You really have two options: 1) Don't ask her to be part of your wedding day. This might lead to hurt feelings and you really have to ask yourself if risking this friendship is worth it. You also have to ask yourself if you really want to look back on your wedding pics and not have her there. 2) Buy all the bm shawls to wear during the ceremony and formal pics. You cannot single her out for her tatts. And again, no one is going to notice a few tattoos. Maybe a few people will briefly look at her, but they are there for you and will be looking at you. Also, they won't overpower your wedding photos. You will look back on the photos and be happy to see each smiling face and remember how special it was to have them there.

[Deleted User]

Well that is part of the problem. Some of her tattoos are offensive. She has a "FTW" tattoo on her back and a naked, suggestive girl on her arm. I think my grams might keel over if she saw that. She is who she is and I love her for that, but on my gosh... ugh! Is there any makeup out there that could at least cover the FTW or the girl?? Sheesh, I would love to have her up there, but at least be a slight bit more modest at least for the ceremony. I don't care one bit about the reception.

blackfire5th

You also have to realize that you are considering not asking her because of how here body looks. Would you not ask a friend because she is fat or too tall? Would you discriminate against hair or skin color?

[Deleted User]

Oh goodness, I had never even thought about a shawl! That could work perfectly! The rest of her tattoos I am fine with. My MOH his multiple piercings and I really don't mind at all. Just please no naked ladies or the f-bomb and I'm fine! Thank you for that idea!! Now I don't have to hurt anyone's feelings that I honestly don't want to! I love that girl!

blackfire5th

It is considered very rude to ask someone to use make-up to cover up their tattoos. If they ask then it is okay. However, those tattoos are a part of who she is and she didn't have those imagese permanently placed on her body without a reason. I think your best bet is to have them wear shawls, but again, not many people will notice and it's not like your grandma hasn't seen and naked woman (or man) before.

[Deleted User]

I am so glad I decided to post something on here before ever opening my mouth to her. I was terrified to say something. I completely understand every point you all have made, that's why I just haven't gone there. I needed to hear it from someone else outside of my family. I have tattoos myself that's why I didn't just eliminate her from the beginning. Yes, I know most grams would move on from the subject, but not mine. God love her, she is ultra-religious and I still get griped at about mine several years later. She is the type that would say something and probably will to each of my bridesmaid. I am going to have to hide grams in a closet so she is a cranky old women to my entire bridal party! Thank you for your honesty. You have saved me from hurting someone's feelings that would honestly tear me apart to do so.

blackfire5th

Oh, I also wanted to say to hold off on asking anyone to be in the wedding! Relationships can change a lot in a 1.5 years and there are a ton of posts on these boards about asking too soon and the problems that arise from that. I would wait until you are less than a year out.

[Deleted User]

That was supposed to say so she "ISN'T" a cranky old woman to my bridesmaids. Anyone have suggestions on that topic?? Haha! Yeesh!

blackfire5th

Glad we were able to help! I'm just happy you turned out to be sane!

blackfire5th

I'd just warn your bm about her and tell them to ignore her. :P

jagore08

Look in my married bio. One of my BM has a ton of tattoos (including a huge one spanning her entire back) and she looked just as beautiful as all the other BMs. She even put a fake one on her foot (it's a shark) for my dad because they have an ongoing joke.

[Deleted User]

"One of my BM has a ton of tattoos (including a huge one spanning her entire back) and she looked just as beautiful as all the other BMs."I am so glad I looked at those pictures, the tattoos do add an interesting flare to the wedding party, and your bm has the same piercing and my moh. They are my friends and that's all that matters. Ok, I think I just need to relax and stop worrying what my family might think. These are my best friends and I want them up there because these are my loyal friends that have always stuck by me. If my family truly loves me, they'll be there watching me, not whatever my bridal party might be sporting on their bodies. Thanks for bringing me back down to Earth.

blackfire5th

jagore- I looked through your bio and I had to stop and search for the bm with the tattoos. I didn't even notice them! By the way you all look lovely!

[Deleted User]

This post was not really about my grams, just mentioning one concern I had about it. I personally do not want a f*ck tattoo or a naked girl in the wedding. I don't think it's appropriate in my church. Of course I would have all the bridesmaids wear a shawl, I wouldn't single her out and like I posted previously, I don't care about the reception as it is not being held in a place of worship. I am only in the very beginning stages of planning my wedding and I really wanted to address some concerns I had before I ever even asked the girls.

nvdmeulen

this is how much of a geek I am, I read "FTW" as "For The Win", not "F__k the World". it actually took me a minute to figure out why that would be offensive.I vote for shawls for all.

banana468

NVD, I thought the same thing.   Why is "For The Win" offensive?I agree with the other ladies  - find shawls or jackets for all your BMs to wear during the ceremony.  Then that jacket can be removed for the reception. - just don't single anyone out and make sure that they all wear it.  I do agree though that it is appropriate to cover up the naked lady until it's time for her to come out and play.

stina93446

Those tattoos are a part of her. Think about that. Most people get tattoos that honor loved ones who have passed away.

stina93446

Just read about the offensive ones...just get shawls for everyone and be done with it.

tidetravel

One of the brides on my local board had a BM w/ a very visible naked fairy tattoo.  Her make-up artist "embellished" the tattoo with glittery makeup, and drew clothing on the fairy.  Of course, this was BM's decision; she wasn't forced into it or anything.  It turned out really cute.  I wish I could remember who it was to show you pics, but I don't.Shawls for everyone would work too.

banana468

Babling, FWIW, I don't know that it's inappropriate to say that a naked drawing should be covered.  There's a difference between disliking tattoos and knowing that some are not appropriate for the ceremony - and the OP has seen the responses and realized that there are ways to fix the situation while respecting her BMs AND the ceremony.

bablingbrooke

Didn't see the part about the naked tattoo. I clearly didn't read all the responses. But I still dislike her mindset of how it will "ruin" her photos, not that it's inappropriate for the venue. I don't think that ought to be the focus.

banana468

Yes I do agree with you there.I do think that the OP has come around a bit but I don't think that's ever the statement to say.

Knot Annie

Thank you to those who offered kind comments. I think that many were extremely helpful. I am offended at those who continued to pick fights after the OP came around (as Banana said). I understand why regulars are often upset on this board for brides wanting to kick out a BM, but this poster did not deseve anything but good advice.

bablingbrooke

I did not pick a fight nor did I intend to.

salt78

And I see that OP came around. That's awesome. I wish more people would change their mind so quickly.

aerinpegadrak

Don't you just love when people listen to reason?  Way to go, ladycee.  I'm sure your bridesmaid will really appreciate your consideration.

Liz4444

i have a question, and i don't mean this to come off as snarky, but it is genuine... you said you are concerned with her having a naked woman tattoo in church and around your grandmother at the ceremony.  but, even if she isn't in the wedding party, won't she still be in the chutch?  wouldn't it still be offensive by those standards whether she is in the last row or the first.  and wouldn't your grandmother have the same reaction to these tattoos whether she is at the ceremony or the reception?  i don't see how location would change a response.  i do agree that if you are concerned, the idea of shawls is a great one, but at some point, if she is wearing a strapless or tank dress, she will take the shawl off and you still have the same concerns.  unless, of course, you choose long sleeved dresses for your BMs.

melbee

My brother has sleeves and I am so happy they will be covered with his tux. I do not want offensive or scary tats in my professional photos. If I asked him to cover something, I know that he would do it for me. He choose to get those tatoos, it's not my thing.