Jewelry Choosing??

[Deleted User]

Has anyone allowed their bridesmaids to choose their own jewelry? What if they didn't want you to pick it out for them?

MissSheena

I'm letting my bridesmaids pick out their jewelry. I personally don't think the jewelry really matters too much since it'll be really hard to tell if they're not matching in pics.

Leah&Christian09

I "allowed" my BMs to wear their own jewelry.  They dress themselves 365 days a year, including accessories and jewelry.  I figured they could handle it.

emilyinchile

YES my BMs are choosing their jewelry. In general, the view is that you should NOT dictate what jewelry your bridesmaids wear. If you really want them to wear something specific, you should buy it for them (and that doesn't replace a separate bridesmaid gift that's something they'll really like and not something you're asking them to wear). Also, speaking personally, I don't think BMs need to match down to every single last detail - matching dresses and generally coordinated everything else (ie. them all having black shoes or something like that) looks great without them being clones.My BMs asked about jewelry, and I asked them to stick to gold since the dresses are coral and they're all wearing gold shoes. But they're choosing exactly what (if any) they wear.

[Deleted User]

Well I wanted my 2 girls to match because there are only 2 of them. Plus that was going to be my gift to them. Their dresses don't work with necklaces so I was going to get them a bracelet and earrings. I know only one of them wants to get her own. What do I buy one jewelry and buy something else for the other one? I think that is unfair.

[Deleted User]

Oh and also I bought their dresses, so they only need shoes. I'm paying for their hair, makeup as well.

Leah&Christian09

It's great that you are paying for their dresses, their jewelry, and their hair and make-up, but anything that is for your wedding isn't a gift to them. Why do you think they should match?  Why does having only 2 mean they should match?  I don't get it.  Are they twins or something?

[Deleted User]

My BM will wear their own jewelry and shoes.

[Deleted User]

One of my bridesmaids just got married this past august and our gifts were earrings, a necklace, and they paid for our dresses, hair and makeup. That was our gift. It is a common thing you know? I know my one friend would choose crazy out of this world jewelry, so that is why I want them to match. I want them to have minimal jewelry...that is it. Plus I have an idea in my mind of what I want them to wear. It is MY wedding.

MissSheena

I really wouldn't stress too much about your BM's accessories. Nobody is really going to be scrutinizing every last detail about the BM's. It is you and your FI's day - remember? However, if you do want to get them jewelry one option you have is you could get them some jewelry that they could wear anytime that also happens to match the dress. Then if they want to wear it, they can, but if they don't, then oh well. But, I do have to disagree with one of the PP's. For any wedding I've been in - the jewelry that I was to wear with my dress was the gift. And that's fine with me, I've never felt like they owed me anything in the first place. Its an honor to be standing up for them.

duckie1905

Regardless of whether or not something is common I still don't think its cool to pick out jewels.  Your BMs manage to dress themselves every other day of their lives and there should be no reason you do it for them.  No one cares or will even notice what jewelry the BMs wear.And, anything you are giving them that they are expected to wear as part of the uniform shouldn't be their gifts.It may be YOUR day but I truly never understood what kind of look bride's are going for when they dress up their BMs in matching, cookie-cutter everything.  Why not let them choose their own pieces; things that they like and feel good wearing instead of wasting money on things they'll probably never look at again?

[Deleted User]

What's the difference between buying them a tacky gift from a website than getting them jewelry that they can wear again?

duckie1905

What's the difference between buying them a tacky gift from a website than getting them jewelry that they can wear again?I don't know about everyone else but I didn't buy my BMs some "tacky gift from a website."  I purchased gifts based on what each woman would like/use and they all got different things.  As an example, I had a BM that loves wine.  So, I bought her two bottles of wine as well as a complimentary wine and cheese tasting for her and her husband at a local winery.  They loved it and sent me the pics from their visit.  She enjoyed the gift, used it (she shared the red I gave her with me) and my money wasn't wasted on something that she would never look at again.There is no reason to buy them some stupid, cheap trinket just because they aren't getting jewelry.I've gotten jewelry as a BM more times than I can count and save one I have never worn any of it again.  The reason being is that the bride bought it to fit with her "vision" instead of something that I would enjoy/like/wear again.  I am perfectly capable of picking out my own jewelry as I'm sure your BMs are.  They aren't dolls for you to dress up.

Leah&Christian09

A tacky gift from a website would be a crappy gift.  Not much better than no gift at all. The considerate bride shops for her WP like it is their birthday.  She chooses something individual for each person that she knows they will like and use. 

MissSheena

I personally think as long as you're getting them jewelry, it is a great idea to get them jewelry that they can honestly wear again - but I just wouldn't require it, because then it sounds pushy. My sis paid like $200 for my necklace that she got me, and although its beautiful, I've only worn it for her wedding and for one other thing in 4 years because its just too fancy I guess you'd say to wear all that often. She didn't ask anyone to wear their's, but we all did anyway. That would probably be the attitude that your BM's would have too if you didn't require it - I mean, I love getting jewelry, so when I get some as a gift, I WANT to wear it right away.

[Deleted User]

Thank you for partly siding with me. It's not like I was going to only get them jewelry. I have some other ideas up my sleeve. I'm not a mean person, but I have more time to think of gifts than my friend did.

bablingbrooke

Why WOULDN'T you allow the BMs to pick their own jewelry? It's such a small thing that I don't think the bride gets to dictate. JMHO. If they didn't want me to pick it out for them, I wouldn't.

bablingbrooke

"Plus I have an idea in my mind of what I want them to wear. It is MY wedding." What jewelry were the BMs wearing at the last 5 weddings you went to? I mean this is such a small thing that I personally think brides shouldn't micromanage. No one notices. Or cares. They dress themselves every day. Plus even if you don't normally like their taste in jewelry (especially if it's "loud") most women know what is and isn't appropriate for a wedding. I mean if they're not resisting it's one thing. But since one says she doesn't want you to pick, I don't think it's worth the fight. Save your stress for things that really matter.

megk8oz

I am picking the jewelry, which I know is frowned upon here, but it's kind of a long story why (Overbearing mothers involved), my BMs are my 2 sisters and FI's sister, so they totally understand ... and they really don't care either way.At the moment, I only have necklaces, and I did make it point to make sure they liked the necklaces before I committed to them.

megk8oz

Oh, and the jewelry isn't going to be their "gift". I'm giving them gift cards.

bablingbrooke

meg, I think it's one of those things that isn't a problem until it becomes one. You know what I mean? If you buy specific jewelry, shoes for them, that's a whole different animal from telling them they have to go out and buy said specific jewelry and shoes you picked out with their own money. But if ppl get upset over something you're buying them that they don't want to wear, I don't know, I guess I find it easier to concede than to fight it. Not worth the hassle. Especially since it is such a small part of the wedding and in the grand scheme you won't remember the jewelry/shoes or even be able to see them in photos unless you do extreme close-ups.

banana468

Part of the beauty of having those ladies up there with you is their unique qualities that you love.  Do you really want to mask all of that?If you do, talk to them and see if they'll be open to wearing the jewelry of your choosing.  However if you know that one BM doesn't like that style then that sort of thing isn't a gift to her at all - it's really more of a gift to you then.FWIW, I told my BMs that they could wear any jewelry they wanted and it looked fine.  It was my wedding but that never meant that I had license to be a dictator.Instead of giving jewelry as a gift, why not just politely request that they wear something that they already have?  And then give them gifts that match THEM - not your wedding. 

[Deleted User]

I'm allowing my bridesmaids to choose whatever jewelry they want to wear...other than their necklace. Their bridesmaid gift is the necklace I want them to wear for the wedding. So hopefully they'll want to make sure that they match their earrings or bracelet to what I bought them.As far as their other jewelry...as long as it isn't tacky. Like: enormous hoop earrings, bangle bracelets, or a ton of rings on their fingers.

bablingbrooke

alwaters, by telling them what they can/cant' wear, you aren't letting them pick their own jewelry. And would hoop earrings or bangles really ruin your photos? Don't lose sight of the forest for the trees.

megk8oz

Brooke, yeah, in my case both of the moms were like "The jewelry must match!!!!!!", and the BMs were like "You KNOW fighting them are futile ... and who really cares?" so we all just conceded to it. This also gave FI and I breathing room to pick out other things that actually mattered to us.Again, I did make sure everybody everybody liked the necklaces and when I find earrings, I want approval on that as well.

KJDOHERTY

At first I liked the idea of getting my BMs some elegant, simple jewelry that they'd love to wear again but I quickly realized that was impossible because they're different girls with different styles and personalities which is why I love them!  I recalled the jewelry I've seen other BMs wear at weddings that I remember thinking to myself looked cheap or definitely wasn't my style and I'd never wear it again.  So, I quickly scratched giving them jewelry and told them they could wear whatever they liked.  Even though I've looked at my wedding photos 20x, I have no idea what they wore and I bet none of my guests did either.  I highly urge other girls to let go of 'matching' ideas too and just buy gifts for your girls that you'd buy them for their birthdays and let them wear their own jewelry which shows their own style.

blenderdance

I have enough trouble picking out my own jewelry on a regular basis.  I consider it a good day when I remember to put on earrings before I leave the house...My BMs tried to ask what I wanted them to wear for jewelry...but then they remembered who they were talking to and organized it themselves...I have absolutely no idea/recollection of what any of their jewelry looked like on the day of...

lyndausvi

I let them pick out their own jewerly.  When they asked if I had something in mind I said I would prefer simple not too flashy pieces. All of them ended up wearing simple diamond studs.  Then I really do not remember what else they wore.  Umm, as you can tell it really was not that important.I've been a BM a few times and for the most part I've always picked out my own jewerly.  I always asked the bride for some guidence (lets face it most of have a vision even if we do not make it public).  I also found myself consulting the other BM, just to make sure we were on the same page (not matchy, matchy)

Nano78

I'm getting my girls their jewelry, and this is part of their gift. I did ask them if they wanted to purchase their own or I could get it for them as a gift and they voted for me to get it..I'm glad they decided this b/c honestly, I feel bad asking them that they also have to buy jewelry. To be honest, I've been in a couple of weddings, and the bride has always given jewelry as the gift so I thought that this was the etiquette too..I've been reading the different posts and I guess I was wrong..I'm also giving them pashminas, flip flops to change into, and a small purse that matches..they don't have to use the purse..but I was in a wedding and the bride gave us mini purses to put lipstick and powder and I thought that was a great idea.

stina93446

I let them wear their own. In my siggy you can even see my bm that wore her chunky bracelets (on the left) and I think it really says a lot about her personality. To also add, I didn't even notice their jewelry until I got the pictures. I'd let them pick their own.

bablingbrooke

I don't think it's a cardinal sin to give jewelry. I gave mine jewelry, which I think a couple of them wound up wearing, the others didn't. I also gave them a couple other gifts with it.