My groom has too many friends!!!!! (kind of long)

cfreesquared

When we started planning our wedding, my fiance and I decided on 5 bridesmaids/groomsmen. It escalated to 7 because my fiance is from a tiny town and so natrully everyone knows everyone, and theyve all been friends forever. Well, I was ok with 7. I was able to include a couple of girls from my home town that i originally decided to leave out. Then one night, my fiance has some of the guys over, they have a few drinks, and he asks 2 more. Making the total NINE. I know, its ridiculous. Then, since we arent having children in our bridal party, he asks the last remaining friend to be the ring bearer. It was funny for a while, but after thinking and planning, I just dont really see all this working out. The venue only allows us to have a bridal party of 16 because of timing, and charges extra for more. So I brought it up over lunch one day, and He sat there for a while and cut the list to 7. I was happy until i realized how upset he was about having to tell 3 of his friends they couldnt be in it. I have the option to have 2 ushers, but that leaves one guy singled out. I really want to have the guys included because I know how important it is to my fiance. I already have 2 of my younger cousins handing out programs, so I dont really have any other ideas.
Can yall think of any other ideas/roles the extra guys can do to feel included???

Viczaesar

No. Don't kick anyone out, that's a douche move. He has 9, you have 7, that's 16, so what is the problem? If the ring bearer is included in the 16 then you need to just pay the extra charge. If you haven't asked some of your 7 ladies you can cut numbers there, but anyone who has already been asked absolutely should not be kicked out.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_my-groom-has-too-many-friends-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:17df46be-d930-4546-b068-1ae1f6065f6bPost:4e8d27cc-d1c6-46e8-b942-554aa376ddd0">My groom has too many friends!!!!! (kind of long)</a>:
[QUOTE]When we started planning our wedding, my fiance and I decided on 5 bridesmaids/groomsmen. It escalated to 7 because my fiance is from a tiny town and so natrully everyone knows everyone, and theyve all been friends forever. Well, I was ok with 7. I was able to include a couple of girls from my home town that i originally decided to leave out. Then one night, my fiance has some of the guys over, they have a few drinks, and he asks 2 more. Making the total NINE. I know, its ridiculous. Then, since we arent having children in our bridal party, he asks the last remaining friend to be the ring bearer. It was funny for a while, but after thinking and planning, I just dont really see all this working out. The venue only allows us to have a bridal party of 16 because of timing, and charges extra for more. So I brought it up over lunch one day, and He sat there for a while and cut the list to 7. I was happy until i realized how upset he was about having to tell 3 of his friends they couldnt be in it. I have the option to have 2 ushers, but that leaves one guy singled out. I really want to have the guys included because I know how important it is to my fiance. I already have 2 of my younger cousins handing out programs, so I dont really have any other ideas. Can yall think of any other ideas/roles the extra guys can do to feel included???
Posted by cfreesquared[/QUOTE]


For posterity.

libby2483

Since your FI has already asked these people, it is absolutely not acceptable to "demote" or "unask" them.  

Your sides do not have to be even.  If you have 7 and he has 9, then it sounds like you just made the cut for 16 people to avoid an extra charge at the venue.  If the ring bearer counts as a bridal party member in the eyes of your venue, you will need to suck it up and pay the charge since he has already been asked as well.  Typically, adults are not ring bearers, but there is really nothing wrong with it as long as this friend doesn't feel slighted by doing a job typically done by children.  

If you are worried about things looking odd or "lopsided" with the processional and recessional, here is what I would suggest: Have the GM already at the front and have the BMs enter solo.  For the recession, simply have two of the guys walk out together or two guys walk out on their own, without escorting a girl.

rebeccajhopp

anyone having the opposite issue? my man only wants a best man, and I have too many girls --how do I pick and leave others out? Any suggestions? 

Is anyone thinking of having usherettes?

Winnertag1

You dont have to have even numbers (to Rebecca & the OP). My FI has only 5 groomsmen while I have 7 bridesmaids. Don't kick anyone out that you have asked. That comes off as very rude and could potentially ruin any friendships. 

Maggie0829

The venue will really charge extra if you have more then 16 people in your wedding party?  I am the only one who finds that extremely odd?  And what does the whole "timing" thing mean.  Does the venue only have one song for the processional that is timed out perfectly for 16 people to walk down the aisle and no more?  Am I just having a reading fail moment or does this not make sense to anyone else?

BostonGIrl4732

I'm with Maggie on this one.  And they only allow two ushers?  So confused.

KatWAG

I really dont understand the even sides thing. My H had 12 GMs and I had 6 BMs. Last I checked my marriage is still vaild.

Let your Fi have however many GMs he wants to stand up with him. But once your FI has asked them, its final. No demoting. And you dont need to ask more than your original 5, have your nearest and dearest.

Dont worry, your wedding pictures will look lovely no matter how many people are in your wedding party.

See: completely uneven sides.

renegade gaucho

You can just call your female ushers "ushers".  Really.

OliveOilsMom

I wonder if OP's venue has a head table that only accomodates 16 in the WP and they charge extra if they need to extend the table more.  That is really the only reason why they should charge extra.  I don't see how that many WP members could really throw off the timing of a ceremony.

OP - I had uneven sides in the WP as well. It's fine, don't kick people out over uneven sides.  That will only make the person feel like they weren't good enough to be one of the official WP members.

MyNameIsNot

Where else would you put numbers ahead of friends?  Would you decide that you were going to go out to dinner with 12 people, and then pick the 12 you like best?  Of course not.  You'd decide to go out to dinner and invite the whole group, whether it was 11 or 15.  

The same goes for wedding parties.  If he wants all 10, he should have all 10.  He should ask the last guy to be a BM, not RB also.  It's pretty insulting as is.  If you want all 7, that's fine.  If you only want the five you've already asked, leave it at that.

If this number thing is about a head table, good news.  Your problem is solved, because head tables are rude anyway.  

girlygirl422

As far as the idea of even sides and everyone has to have a partner is so not true. My bridal party started out as two girls two guys and a flower girl making a total of 5. As of today my bridal party is 21 people not including me and my FH I have 3 flower girls 1 ring barer 1 junior bridemaid 1 junior groomsmen 3 teen bridal party members and 6 guys and 6 girls I say to go with the people who mean the most to you and who you are close with. I know people say they have to be even and but I don't believe that. You wedding is your day and you should feel free to do what you and your FH want to do.