My ENTIRE Bridal Party has bailed...Am I Upset or Crazy?

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_entire-bridal-party-bailedam-upset-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:18a4e714-c64e-45bd-bf3c-d130a34dd3a2Post:7d737b37-72c2-47b3-8f0e-71de8813b753">Re: My ENTIRE Bridal Party has bailed...Am I Upset or Crazy?</a>:
[QUOTE]And P.S.S. It really doesn't matter 'how old' missjean is. I'm 37 and my FI is 25; age really doesn't matter. But Thanks KB, It's nice of you to tell us that you're an ageist along with everything else, and hate on every little detail equally. 
Posted by kc1987kc[/QUOTE]

An ageist... that's a new one. LOL.

My asking her age has to do with the tone and manner in which it was written ("like, OMG.. I feel soooooo bad for you and I like totally just want to give you a hug or something"). Maturity has a LOT to do with wedding and marriage success...

lyndausvi

Kelly makes good points even if her delivery is off.

Anyway, I'm sorry you are going through this.  It must suck.

I was an older bride also (39).   As a single woman with no kids I had the time and money to do what I wanted when I wanted.  Hoping on a plane to visit my family for little things was no big deal.   I had the time and money to do such things. Some time I felt obligated because I was single and had the time and money.

Once you have  kids things change.  A lot.  They are so damn expensive and time consuming.  I do not care how much money they may or may not have.  Between school, CCD, sports, someone getting sick, whatever.  Parents rarely have as much time and money as non-parents to do things.  Even simple things like a friends OOT wedding can be an issue.   

Also, people who never leave their hometown have different priorities.  We are OOT from our families so we budget money to visit our hometowns. We feel it's important and make it a priority.  There is an expectation of sorts for us to do that. (not saying it's right, just saying I find it to be the case with us and many others who move away from hometowns).  At a drop of a hat we are ready to travel to them without thinking twice about it.   

If you live in your hometown that is not even on your radar to budget for those type of trips.  For them 8 months might not be enough time because what we use as a travel budget they are using for something else. 

It can be very frustrating.  I've lived here for 13 years and only 3 of my family members have every visited  me.  It's not because they do not love me, it's because their lives are not like mine.  They do not have the time or funds like I do to visit.   Since I always do visit them, it even gives them less of an incentive to make plans. 

I'm not saying they are right or you should not be disappointed.. Just giving you another way to look at things and let you know you are not alone.  Many of us who live away from family or have no kids go through times like this.  It sucks, but do not let it get your down.  

.  

kc1987kc

Thanks Lynda, some really good things to think about. We are probably alike in a lot of ways in that I'm also the one that flies to my hometown and they've basically been there since we graduated high school in 1992. 

I sent out our Save the Dates last week and some of my relatives are texting me that they won't make it. I really think the "San Francisco" element is intimidating to friends and relatives. And I should be more mindful of that. 

Re: Kids. I know they can be really energy zappers and money drains. My sister has one child and tells me all the time how prized a shower or going to get a coffee can be. Things I obviously take for granted. It's a weird paradox because I really want children, and we are waiting for a couple of years bc my FI is 25 and just out of grad school, getting his first "real" professional job. That just what comes with the territory of marrying a 25 y/o. My bf before my FI was a 38 y/o trauma surgeon rolling in the dough, but wow, he was an arrogant a*#hole. Anyhow, I digress, kids are a factor that, despite my efforts, I may never fully understand until I have a couple of my own. 

I'm moving forward and feel much much better today. I'm still not ready to talk to the old BMs, and I think that's okay for now. 

So onward!:) I went to a bridal shop today by myself and I think I found my dress!:) I went in with a positive attitude not letting it get me down that I was by myself. And the saleslady and other people at the shop were just fantastic at giving me feedback. 

The best thing I can do is let this go for now and try to see it from their point of view. I do think this (among other things) has made me realize I need to re-evaluate if I'm putting my friendship energies in the right place. 

Ghoti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_entire-bridal-party-bailedam-upset-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:18a4e714-c64e-45bd-bf3c-d130a34dd3a2Post:ef6ecbfe-e828-4fb0-94e9-804f3ad9a4ca">Re: My ENTIRE Bridal Party has bailed...Am I Upset or Crazy?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My ENTIRE Bridal Party has bailed...Am I Upset or Crazy? : While all of this could quite possibly be true, there could have been a way better way of going about it...to me it sounds like they were being pretty cold and Callus friends to the bride. I think the bride is totally justified for feeling how she does. Kellybrian...I have nothing for you. You sound like you would fit in with this Brides crappy friends and their crappy attitudes.
Posted by Tiger_Tammer[/QUOTE]
Were you there? You should realize that the story your getting is very one sided. It helps in life to be able to read between the lines :)

kac12170

To the original poster:I agree with your feelings on the situation. And for those who don't, there is no need to respond to every single post on the board, so don't feel burdened to dump on other people if it's too "tiresome".     You don't need any more stress along with your wedding! I would go with the "King's Wedding" idea, or ask your future sister in law's; if I were them, I would feel honored to step up to the plate for you. 

kimm260

" No, not really. But it gets very tiresome reading (and responding to) the countless posts on these boards with brides whining about how "awful" their being treated when it never occurs to them that perhaps they themselves aren't acting like friends."


I know that I have never posted on this board before but have lurked some and felt that maybe I needed to state the obvious  to KellyBrian.  If it gets tiresome reading and responding to countless posts then why do you do it?   I would think that you would spend time doing things that you actually enjoy, unless you enjoy making people feel like crap when all they are trying to do is talk about an upsetting situation that happened to them?   Next time you don't have the energy to post take a nap instead.

Clasina25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_entire-bridal-party-bailedam-upset-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:18a4e714-c64e-45bd-bf3c-d130a34dd3a2Post:4d768252-b157-4770-b0fe-4754b3f17f0f">Re: My ENTIRE Bridal Party has bailed...Am I Upset or Crazy?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh. I don't have the energy for this. [/QUOTE]

Puh-leeze get over yourself! Nobody forced you to 'deal with this' you decided on your own to answer!

Also, you seem to have not really read the original post! She offered to help them pay and didn't EXPECT them to help with the wedding....but be honest, it IS the duty of a bridesmad to support the bride! That is the entire point of picking certain guests to be in the wedding party.

Seems to me you just felt the need to be a jerk to someone....maybe you should examine yourself a bit more before judging other people?

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_entire-bridal-party-bailedam-upset-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:18a4e714-c64e-45bd-bf3c-d130a34dd3a2Post:d96db9d2-a157-4061-8e00-d60abc86e657">Re: My ENTIRE Bridal Party has bailed...Am I Upset or Crazy?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My ENTIRE Bridal Party has bailed...Am I Upset or Crazy? : Puh-leeze get over yourself! Nobody forced you to 'deal with this' you decided on your own to answer! Also, you seem to have not really read the original post! She offered to help them pay and didn't EXPECT them to help with the wedding....but be honest, <strong>it IS the duty of a bridesmad to support the bride</strong>! That is the entire point of <strong>picking certain guests to be in the wedding party</strong>. Seems to me you just felt the need to be a jerk to someone....maybe you should examine yourself a bit more before judging other people?
Posted by Clasina25[/QUOTE]

<div>1. Since you have a low post count, I welcome you to the boards! I also highly recommend that you refrain from using this line of thinking on the Knot forums. It is very unpopular. However, I will back you up in saying maybe the poster you quoted should have moved on to the next, as well as that BMs should be good FRIENDS to the bride, presuming that is why she chose them in the first place, which leads me on to my next...</div><div>
</div><div>2. "Certain guests?" I think you mean closest, most dear friends/family. Being chosen to be in the WP is an honor, not a job. Anything the WP does beyond show up in their attire on the wedding day is additional and lovely, not required. Yes, there are things MOHs and BMs do for the bride culturally, traditionally, customarily, etc, but they are not mandatory. Most do, but some don't, and the bride has to let it go if they don't. </div>

aghouston86

I usually lurk here too, and Lucy I agree with you 100%. This would be one hell of a boring place if everyone turned into drones spewing the same popular opinion advice all the time. Differing opinions and view points is what makes for well rounded advice and discussion.

lazydayz2003

Well said KC. KellyBrian, you are just a rude nasty negative witch who just wants to get a rise out of people for your own pleasure. You are the least classiest person that I have come across on this site so far and I'm not sure if I want to continue being a part of it because of negative people like you. I have NO CLUE how you were proposed to but I sure do feel bad for the schmuck.

KellyBrian2013

lazydayz, that was unneccessary and you have been reported.

Cynthia1207

Lazydayz: Wow.  Unnecessary much? 

I agree with what KellyBrian has said for the most part.  BMs aren't required to ''help'' with the wedding.

OP - sure it sucks that they aren't going to be there but there might be more to the story.  It is possible that they just don't have the means to travel.  Cost of living is expensive and while you helped them with their weddings and whatnot, it isn't something that should be expected in return. 

lazydayz2003

KB - Maybe if you weren't on these threads 100% of your day and actually had a life you wouldn't keep seeing the same posts over and over again. TK has been around for quite some time so Yes, some questions will get asked more than once. You give this community a bad name with your egotistical and snide remarks.

KellyBrian2013

Once again, LazyDayz, you've been reported for uneccessary and harrassing comments.

And since it matters so much to you, I haven't been on the internet in over 12 hours, due to work. But nice try.