So first I should start by saying that I'm a low-key person, not a Bridezilla, not demanding. I'm a loyal person and too forgiving. I've had my same girlfriends since kindergarten, and I asked two of them to be in my wedding party. I was engaged on Christmas, and asked them shortly after. They both said yes!
We decided to get married in San Francisco,--I haven't lived near my parents (in the town where the friends live) since I was 18--(that's 19 years) and so getting married in SF really feels right. When I told them I was getting married, I called and said, "GUESS WHAT?" and they said in the most disappointed monotone voice, "You're getting married." Um, yeah and we're really happy...!
When my Fiance said, "You're friends don't seem that happy for you," I brushed it off and explained that they are a little bitter, 'done-wrong' by men, single mothers, and really didn't think I'd "get married before they did." (Their words, not mine.)
Fast forward to last week. My only sister (my MOH) called to say that she "wouldn't stand by me" "for religious reasons" ... because we aren't getting married in the catholic church. She is my only sister and we are one year apart. Not to be dramatic, but I've basically dreamed my whole life of her being my MOH. We've tried very hard to get married in the church, but my FI was married once before for 18 months, so considered a divorcee. We've been to classes, marriage encounter, engagement weekends, submitted our babtismal papers, oh it just goes on and on. And the stress of getting married in the chuch casued us to realize we wanted something more simple.
Then, my bridesmaid called to say she wouldn't be coming to my wedding. That's right, not that she couldn't be in the wedding but would come, but that she was flat out not coming. She cited 'financial' reasons and sent me a snarky text saying I didn't understand what it was like to be a single mother. First of all, our engagement is 8 months before our wedding, it's not like I asked her to travel across the country with only a month or less notice.
And also (sorry for the rant) I've gone to every one of their 'milestone' events, baby showers, weddings, school recitals, babysitting, the zoo, music recitals, just goes on and on...I'm a very supportive friend and my major fault is that I'm stupid loyal and attach myself to friends who don't value me as much as I value them. At the end of our conversation, she suggested that I talk to the other bridesmaid.
Then my other bridesmaid best friend called to tell me she wouldn't be coming to our wedding either. "It's just SO expensive" she said. (Keep in mind: I told them they could pick out their own dresses, own color, style, price...I agreed to pay for half their hotel and planned to take them out for a very special day spa of pampering the day before the wedding. They did nothing to help me with dress shopping, planning, sorting through details. Everything I did was to make my day easier for THEM.) From day one, this particular bridesmaid has bitched and complained about the cost of everything. I suggested she not be a bridesmaid if it would be so stressful on her. Yet she insisted! Then less than 3 months before our wedding she drops it on me that she's not attending our wedding.
I felt pretty low for a couple of days. My FI and I discussed it and I said, "Maybe if I paid for everything" but he assured me that I hadn't even asked for anything from them, and that we don't need any more evidence that they really don't give a s%^! about me.
I've since asked a good friend of mine that I knew in college to be in the wedding and she said yes. I have five future sister in laws, but Now, I don't want to ask them, like, "Hey, my sister and my two best friends bailed out on me. Wanna be my bridesmaid?" I just feel it's tacky. I'd rather stand up there alone than make them feel second best.
For the first time ever, I feel justified in never communicating with these 'friends' again. My sister who I love dearly, I can't do that and wouldn't want to, but I am very hurt and sad. To those of you who think I'm being unrealistic, you should know that I asked nothing of my bridal party and certainly didn't want to 'drain them financially for a year.' The 2 bridesmaids even suggested I wait until next year to get married, when I asked "Why would we do that?" They said, "Well, you know, financially?" As in , financially for Them. We are talking about someone who is so cheap she waters down shampoo, has over $30K in her savings (which is none of my business) and makes me pay whenever we go for lunch or dinner. So really I should have known better. People are exactly who they tell you they are.
I don't know how to proceed. I'm embarrassed. I'm left with every responsibility and embarrassed to make excuses for why they couldn't be bothered to show up for me even when I've done a million parties for them.
"May as well live it up cos you won't live it down!"