Bridesmaid dress drama ugh!

Salandria

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dress-drama-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:244533b4-2eef-44c9-8924-6c44a58ced34Post:a66be6c2-b476-4989-b56e-a60d9aa718ff">Re: Bridesmaid dress drama ugh!</a>:
[QUOTE]Because being asked to be a bridesmaid is an honor. By taking that away, you dishonor her and your relationship.
Posted by msuprincess04[/QUOTE]

<div>Great point! </div>

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dress-drama-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:244533b4-2eef-44c9-8924-6c44a58ced34Post:0222357d-e754-4927-ab60-74e6e729e831">Re: Bridesmaid dress drama ugh!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid dress drama ugh! : Hmmm<strong> I wonder how that groom feels about the loss of your hubbys friendship and more so</strong> <strong>how</strong> <strong>he felt about his character that prompted him to remove him from his most sacred ceremony</strong>....- you might feel its incredibly rude because of your husbands experience and naturally you've taken his side in the matter. But there are always three sides to a story. 
Posted by Salandria[/QUOTE]

Oh, I'm sure he felt he was right to remove my husband, obviously, because he did, he wouldn't have done it if he felt it was wrong.  However, just becuase he felt it was okay, doesn't mean it was.  In fact, no reason is valid unless they try to physically harm you, or sleep with your FI or something equally extreme.  Not being able to take off a few days in the first week of a brand new job to attend an out of town bachelor party, or not wanting to spend $200 on a dress, is not extreme enough to be an acceptable reason to kick someone out.  And to kick someone out of something supposed to be an honor for something so trivial to your overall friendship, is definitely something that speaks to your character.

Is your friend a little off to all of a sudden want to buy a dress at Ross?  Sure.  Is it something worth basically telling her she means nothing to you unless she buys the dress you want?  Absolutely not.  It will end your friendship, because YOU are the one out of line.

graysquirrel

I really don't understand what the problem is here. Your friend is having some struggles picking a dress that she feels good in and that fits her budget. Instead of getting all up in arms over it and kicking her out, a friend would want to work together to find a solution. Kicking someone out of a WP over this makes you look like a complete zilla. I don't understand why you couldn't give them all a particular designer or color and tell them to pick something, or to at least narrow down the selection to a few dresses that they have to choose from and then work with them from there. These are your friensd, not your employees or slaves. Treat them as such.

Habs2Hart

OP - If the dress is too expensive, ask her what her budget for it is.  Can you help her with the cost of the dress.  Then she has no excuse.  See how that goes before kicking her out.  You should never kick a friend out of a wedding party. 

Viczaesar

Oh FFS. 

[Deleted User]

Holy... wow. I feel awful for your bridesmaid. You can't kick her out. You can talk to her and say you just want to know what her budget is and let her know you appreciate her being part of your day. I can't imagine being the substitute bridesmaid that got the tote with the misspelled name. I agree with all the PP's... find a budget that fits everyone and work with it. We had a girls day and tried on dresses and we picked one that we all liked. Just take a minute and think about how you'd feel if you were her, or the 2nd string bridesmaid.

mtbentley

Has she actually told you she is not comfortable being in your pictures or standing up in front of everyone? It sounds like you are deciding what she is going to be comfortable with, if she was not comfortable with being in your wedding she would not have agreed ot be a bridesmaid, and if she decides that standing in front of all your guests is too much for her then she should be allowed to step down on her own. You are not doing her any favors by making the decision for her. If you were "reluctantly" asking her to be a BM then you should not have asked her at all, it would be better to have uneven sides than have someone that you don't really want to be there. 

That being said, I would be slightly annoyed if a BM agreed to the cost of a dress then backed out, although I would offer to help pay for any portion of the dress I could and I certainly wouldn't kick her out for it. Why is looking at non-bridal shops such a bad thing? If she finds a dress there that she is comfortable in wouldn't that be a good thing?

bonge

you keep saying over & over again that she is not bridesmaid material (i didn't know such a thing exhisted) , so why the hell did you ask her? You say it is not to have even sides but you contradicted yourself on that one.

You sound like a real peach, go ahead, tell her you no longer want her to be part of the wedding party & have her tell you how horrible you are & to F*** off.

You only like it when someone agrees with you. You want justification for shi*ty behaviour which you won't get here. People are trying to save you from treating people like objects that mean nothing to you but it doesn't matter what anyone says. You are going to do what you are going to do so why bother posting about it? You don't want advice, you want people to pat you on the back.

jessilee1019

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dress-drama-ugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:244533b4-2eef-44c9-8924-6c44a58ced34Post:c98ef41e-860c-4223-af05-ee60cae3f489">Re: Bridesmaid dress drama ugh!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid dress drama ugh! : Honestly I never herd of uneven sides before reading blogs last night.  She wasn't just a filler in my eyes,<strong> I thought I'd give her the opportunity to be in the wedding she's never been in one,</strong> and was excited about it, but she's more like a behind the scenes type person, not into the <strong>lyme ligt</strong> at all.  Replacement bride lol okay you got jokes now. Im not asking for her to be replaced I just dont want the drama.  I love weddings actually if someone wants me to fill in I'll jump in! I'd think its an honor to be asked to share in the festivites, thats the most important event in ones life (unless youre religious then its your baptism etc) I've been enough to know what a bridesmaid can do to help as well as hurt, I would want to be helpful.  <strong>She was SERIOUS about going to ROSS!!!!!</strong>  I can laugh now because I've vented and made up my mind. 
Posted by Salandria[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Bolded part #1 : That's just precious of you. Sounds like she's going to be having a wonderful time. </div><div>Bolded part # 2 : limelight</div><div>Bolded part #3 :  I like Ross. Good deals. Just saying. Don't judge someone on their budget.

</div>

ShyDreamer00

Perhaps you can go bridesmaid dress shopping with your friend at one of those shops she mentioned-see what they have to offer, but also explain what you had in mind....everyone wears the same color, short dress, long dress, whatever. It can actually look cute to have everyone's style be a little different-jyou could ust match jewelry and hairpieces Tell her that you understand her budget scenario, but you have a vision for your wedding day too-you give a little and she gives a little.
If she's stubborn about it, then simply say that she may not be the best fit for the bridal party. Also, if she wants to get a dress smaller than what she normally wears just let her know that it is easier to take in a dress then to let one out. Plus you can mention that you would hate to see her have to buy ANOTHER dress when she is already on a budget.
I had a situation with my MOH-she's pregnant (due 5 days after our wedding) and they are working on a tight budget since she got laid off of work (her husband is working and she's receiving unemployment.) Anyways, all of the bridesmaids had ordered their dresses but her....and she's the type who was NOT gonna call me. So I called her and asked when she thought she might get around to ordering the dress.....she said possibly not till weeks later due to financial reasons...I then tentatively asked her if it would be better for them to save the money that they would have spent on a dress and a tux (hubby was best man). She and her hubby decided to drop out-I won't lie and say that I was disappointed (we had asked them over 8 months ago), but it saved alot of drama in the long run.
I'll be honest, I wouldn't want to wait till my wedding day to see if someone shows up or not....I don't want their name on the program, have paid for a meal, etc...if they don't feel its an honor to stand by me too.