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How would you nicely say......

HB070905HB070905
in Wedding Party
I am in a wedding next spring and the Bride has decided she wants to go away for a weekend  this fall for her Bach party, NYC,Boston,Vegas.  We are all in our early to mid 30's, have families, mortgages etc....I bascially live paycheck to paycheck.  Some of the BM's do have expendable $ and would be able to do this and I think thats why the bride thinks its a good idea.  I just cant but dont want to upset the bride.  I would like to do something for her local, nice dinner pedicures etc but spending $300 plus is not something I can do......How would you nicely say you cant......
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Re: How would you nicely say......

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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Say, "Oh honey the idea sounds like fun but right now I just can't make it.  Instead, the next time I see you, how about I take you out to dinner - my treat?!"

    Frankly, the bride is out of line for wanting an OOT bachelorette party.  Just be honest with her and a good friend will understand that you just can't afford what she wants.
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment

    I've been in this situation before and unfortunately, brides are sometimes blind when it comes to these things.  All you can do is tell her that as much as you would love to go to her getaway bachelorette party, you won't be able to do it.  If she presses you for an answer use a line a friend of mine used alot when money was too tight: "I'm concentrating on saving money right now."

    If you think she's not going to take it well no matter what you might want to offer having her and FI over to your place for dinner a night or two before she takes off.

    btw..where are you if Boston would be a get away weekend?

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    andy71781andy71781 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I totally agree that you don't have to go to an OOT bach party (or any party really).  Just explain that yes, it sounds like a lot of fun but no you can't make it.  
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
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    I would just be blunt with her.  Sorry bride, but on top of all the expenses for your wedding, a weekend away simply is not in my budget.
    Married 10/2/10
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    megk8ozmegk8oz member
    First Comment
    Honestly, it's incredibly rude of the bride to be planning her own bach party. That's kind of like the bridal shower: if one is planned (Which, one is not necessary, it's just nice), the bride shouldn't be involved in the planning, aside from providing whoever offers to plan with a guest list and dates she's available.

    If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. You say the other girls have expendable income and that's why the bride thinks this is a good idea... but how do you know that these girls actually want to "expend" it on this excursion? DH and I both get limited vacation time off from work each year, and we prefer to spend it together, so even if I had the actual money to attend something like this, I most likely wouldn't. It's my money, my vacation time, I work hard for it, and frankly, to me, agreeing to buy the dress and be a BM does not mean I agreed to take an expensive vacation with the bride.

    I would just be upfront with the bride and explain that while you understand that this is what she wants, and it sounds like a lot of fun, you just can't afford to go.

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    emilyinchileemilyinchile member
    First Comment
    If she gets upset by the fact that you genuinely can't afford a trip to throw her a party, then that's not at all your fault. Just be honest.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    "That sounds like quite a party.  Unfortunately, it's not in our budget now, so I won't be able to participate, but I hope the rest of you have fun.  Enjoy the party."

    Here's my guess:  it takes one person to say "Sorry, can't do it" and then several others will also decline the party.  They're just waiting for someone else to stop the madness so that they can suggest a less expensive option. 

    You'll be the first.  Others may not say it out loud, but I promise they think exactly what you do, and they'll be happy to had the courage to speak up.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    "Sounds like a fun plan, but unfortunately it's just not in my budget.  Please have a drink in my honor and send me photos after you guys get back!"
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    "Bride, I love you dearly, but I'm rather attached to the roof over my head and food on my table, and I can't have both those and a vacation right now.  I can't wait to see you for the wedding."
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    stina93446stina93446 member
    First Comment
    I don't have anything else to add, but maybe tell the bride to put your photo on a popsicle stick and take pictures with it. I've seen it before and it's really cute. Yeah, it sucks that you can't go, but it'll make a great story and technically you WILL be in the photos.
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    megk8ozmegk8oz member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_would-nicely-say?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:25bbaf5b-0142-41a7-8f13-55cd4baa8718Post:44718e9b-8197-43af-8251-bf2fb5a81a2f">Re: How would you nicely say......</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't have anything else to add, but maybe tell the bride to put your photo on a popsicle stick and take pictures with it. I've seen it before and it's really cute. Yeah, it sucks that you can't go, but it'll make a great story and technically you WILL be in the photos.
    Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE]

    I don't know why, but this reminds me of the "My Name Is Earl" episode when Randy was carrying around a scarecrow with an afro wig on and calling it "Fake Crabman", and telling Earl all about the adventures the 2 of them went on (Including letting him drive the El Camino), lol.

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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_would-nicely-say?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:25bbaf5b-0142-41a7-8f13-55cd4baa8718Post:44718e9b-8197-43af-8251-bf2fb5a81a2f">Re: How would you nicely say......</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't have anything else to add, but maybe tell the bride to put your photo on a popsicle stick and take pictures with it. I've seen it before and it's really cute. Yeah, it sucks that you can't go, but it'll make a great story and technically you WILL be in the photos.
    Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE]
    We did something similar when my little sister had her car accident and was in the ICU when she should have been at Disneyland with me and my other sister.  We took pictures all over the park with a Marie plush I bought for her, and presented her with a scrapbook full of the pictures and autographs from the characters.  That was nearly five years ago, but I know she still has both the doll and the book.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    SassyBrassSassyBrass
    First Comment
    Ditto PPs.
    Letting her know at all is a nice way of saying you can't make it. And if she's a friend, she can understand that. Anyone who wouldn't understand that isn't someone I'd want to spend all weekend with anyways.
    I agree to maybe just do a little something nice for her here before or after she goes that'll work in your budget.
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    clarereedyclarereedy
    First Comment
    I'm having an out of town bachelorette party.  We are heading to the shore/Atlantic City for the weekend in August.  My wedding is in November, but we needed beach weather for the shore.  We are going to do a dinner/bar crawl close to home in October for those who can't make the weekend away.  Maybe you can help throw a smaller, local event for those who can't go away?  If the bride wants to go away, and people are willing to go, she should have the party she wants.  But, so everyone is included, I'm sure she wouldn't say no to a second party!
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_would-nicely-say?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:25bbaf5b-0142-41a7-8f13-55cd4baa8718Post:88d6bc4c-b7b2-4627-8be7-2de9bda2d0c0">Re: How would you nicely say......</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm having an out of town bachelorette party.  We are heading to the shore/Atlantic City for the weekend in August.  My wedding is in November, but we needed beach weather for the shore.  We are going to do a dinner/bar crawl close to home in October for those who can't make the weekend away.  Maybe you can help throw a smaller, local event for those who can't go away?  If the bride wants to go away, and people are willing to go, she should have the party she wants.  But, so everyone is included, I'm sure she wouldn't say no to a second party!
    Posted by clarereedy[/QUOTE]
    I doubt the solution for a BM who can't afford to go to a party is to tell her to throw a second, local party.  How is that saving her money?  It's one thing to tell the bride, "Let's do dinner, my treat!" but quite another to host a second bach party for her. 
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Actually, the bride SHOULDN'T just get the party she wants.

    I'd prefer a close quite party with all my BMs over one that was an overnight but without all of them.   

    Want an overnight?  Call it girls weekend.
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