After reading tons of posts

AmandaS23

I didn't bother to read all of the other posts, but I do want to make a point.  None of my BMs have offered to throw me a shower or a b-party.  Do you know what?  I don't care.  The fact that they are buying a dress and coming to my wedding to support me is the only thing I care about.  You should pick people because you care about them and want them there to support and stand up with you, not because they can do stuff for you and throw you parties. 

I really don't understand the mentality of feeling disappointed about not getting a shower or a b-party.  None of those things matter.  FWIW, none of my fiance's GM offered to throw him a b-party either and he doesn't care.  Why, because again, he chose these people because they are his closest friends and he wants them there, not because they will throw him a wild party.

emilyinchile

Buttons, if I lived in the same area as my BMs and family (and not a 15 hour flight away), I will admit that I would have been disappointed if they hadn't thrown me a shower and bachelorette party. That's in large part because I know that my aunts and cousins are really into showers, and my BMs would take any excuse for us girls to all get together and go out on the town, aka a bach party. In my case if they hadn't done these things, it would have meant something because of how they are normally.

So yes, if it's in character for these people to do things like this, I can totally see being disappointed. But I still say they don't have to do them. And usually the people who come on here complaining tend to either be crazy bridezillas who're saying "why aren't my BMs planning my bach party when my wedding is *only* 9 months away? Should I bring this up at our next weekly planning meeting?" or people saying "my best friend hates parties and is not a planner, but I think the fact that she hasn't organized a shower yet means that she shouldn't by my MOH." Those people don't need to hear "oh, I get that you're disappointed," they need to hear "nobody owes you a party, chill the eff out."

ButtonsPepper

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_after-reading-tons-of-posts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:25c03ad1-3db3-4938-8cc7-513ad46a7ea5Post:58d6df7a-a88b-4797-a090-aef1beb67cab">Re: After reading tons of posts</a>:
[QUOTE]Buttons, if I lived in the same area as my BMs and family (and not a 15 hour flight away), I will admit that I would have been disappointed if they hadn't thrown me a shower and bachelorette party. That's in large part because I know that my aunts and cousins are really into showers, and my BMs would take any excuse for us girls to all get together and go out on the town, aka a bach party. In my case if they hadn't done these things, it would have meant something because of how they are normally. So yes, if it's in character for these people to do things like this, I can totally see being disappointed. But I still say they don't have to do them. And usually the people who come on here complaining tend to either be crazy bridezillas who're saying "why aren't my BMs planning my bach party when my wedding is *only* 9 months away? Should I bring this up at our next weekly planning meeting?" or people saying "my best friend hates parties and is not a planner, but I think the fact that she hasn't organized a shower yet means that she shouldn't by my MOH." Those people don't need to hear "oh, I get that you're disappointed," they need to hear "nobody owes you a party, chill the eff out."
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

Hahah after reading a bit more, I'm starting to get the point of that. For me it would have been really out of character, so there would be other issues. I just felt bad for people getting flipped that a BM or MOH shouldn't do anything ever at all... and that's just not how it is in my circle, we all do a lot for each other, and all really appreciate it. I wouldn't pick a BM just because she is related (cousin whatever) because if you're not close, chances are, she won't care...and who wants that negativity up. When you are choosing to make even sides, or because you want more people standing, or so you don't hurt feelings, I guess that is where a lot of problems come into play.