Deleted Post

Jbarnettej

I deleted the first post. Thanks<a href="http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Wedding Planning"><img src="http://global.theknot.com/tickers/tt1249c0.aspx" alt="Wedding Countdown Ticker" border="0"  /></a>

Meghannsix

If you've already asked them, you shouldn't cut anyone.  And for my own curiosity, what is a hostess?

mbcdefg

If you've asked already, then you'd be an awful friend to kick them out.

If you haven't asked, it's your call. Think about it some more - you still have lots of time to plan a September wedding. But don't push your FI to include/exclude any of his friends ... let him ask who he wants, and you ask who you want. I wouldn't blame you for paring it down a bit, but that's your decision and you shouldn't leave out your dearest friends just to even things out.

I don't get why you need hostesses or a bell ringer. And if it were me, I'd just cut all the kids out to make things more simple. Nobody will die of sadness if you don't include them. It's a lot of stress and headache for an ultimate goal of them walking down an aisle for 20 seconds.

And what on earth would making your FI add another guy accomplish? #1, if you're already upset that there are so many people, what good would adding another person do? That'd just make things MORE stressful, no? #2, Why would even sides make a difference? Would having even sides magically make all the stress go away? And #3, why would you ever "make" your FI do anything? Sounds like he's already thought of who he wants, so don't start telling him who to add or subtract.

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2aeffea6-f5c8-4e69-8c09-650b97ab7983Post:8c0014c1-b238-4cda-b69b-34451412e43b">Too Many?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am recently engaged and planning this wedding party is giving me a headache!! There are 10 guys and I have 11 girls. 1 ring bearer and 1 bell ringer, 4 flower girls, 2 hostess and 2 ushers. I just feel like it is overwhelming but<strong> it all people we love. </strong>Now I am wondering if I should cut someone or make him add someone to have an even number???
Posted by Jbarnettej[/QUOTE]

<div>If you two asked everyone you love and wanted to be in your BP then leave it as it is.  You should not kick anyone out for the sake of numbers.  That would be rude and hurtful to your friend.  </div>

Jbarnettej

No I have not asked or mentioned it to anyone. And when I was a hostess, I passed out the programs and the other hostess encouraged guest to sign the guestbook.

mbcdefg

If you haven't mentioned it to anyone, then take your time and make the decision with your FI. Wait until after the holidays.

Ask who you want. Don't ask out of guilt, obligation, family representation, or to keep the numbers even. Just include your very best friends. Nobody will be heartbroken if they aren't included. Reasonable people will understand that you can't include everyone ... and if they're not reasonable enough to understand that then there's no pleasing someone like that no matter what you do.

You can put the programs in a basket or on each chair for people to take for themselves. And you don't need a person to instruct people how to sign their name in a book ... your guests can figure it out. "We have enough bridesmaids but you can tell people to sign a book" is kind of an insult.

BMcLeodTeam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2aeffea6-f5c8-4e69-8c09-650b97ab7983Post:3a710a87-fc38-4a7a-8a38-b6a6fb58c017">Re: Too Many?</a>:
[QUOTE]OK, I'm going to be the bad lady and say what I think.  I think that 21 attendants is ridiculous.  That isn't even including 4 flower girls, a bell ringer and a ring bearer! I was a church organist for 26 years, and I never saw anything like you describe.  Our pastor would have refused to permit it.  I would have refused to play for it.  If I was a guest at such a performance, I would be laughing. Sorry to be blunt, but this is my honest opinion.  Four attendants each is a nice number.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

I think stating any number is a 'nice number' is a bit of a generalization. If you're having a larger wedding then yes, 4-5 is a nice number, if you're having a little private family wedding, that might be too much.... I will agree that this seems like quite a bit though! Have you already asked them? If so you shouldn't cut anyone, but if you haven't asked you might want to think through again...

quiggels219

I have a very large party as well (not quite as large as what you describe, but close) what about having someone be a reader?? I had some friends I would have liked to ask but fi and I come from large families (I'm one of 4 and he's one of 5) and we wanted to include siblings first so we have 3 readers (2 sharing something longer and one on the short one). That's not a busy job at all and is an honor. Just a reminder (cause I didn't think of it until I was confronted with it) the bigger the party the bigger the spending (gifts for them, rehearsal dinner, flowers for day of, transportation day of if you do that) it adds up really fast! If you think it through and you know you want all of them up there and they trully are great friends than go for it and ignore what anyone else thinks. This is a wedding day decision that really only effects you and the people you ask so do what makes you happy, you only get one chance (hopefully haha) to ask these people to be in your wedding party so don't not do it and maybe regret it b/c someone else uninvolved thinks it silly.

graysquirrel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2aeffea6-f5c8-4e69-8c09-650b97ab7983Post:3a710a87-fc38-4a7a-8a38-b6a6fb58c017">Re: Too Many?</a>:
[QUOTE]OK, I'm going to be the bad lady and say what I think.  I think that 21 attendants is ridiculous.  That isn't even including 4 flower girls, a bell ringer and a ring bearer! I was a church organist for 26 years, and I never saw anything like you describe.  Our pastor would have refused to permit it.  I would have refused to play for it.  If I was a guest at such a performance, I would be laughing. Sorry to be blunt, but this is my honest opinion.  Four attendants each is a nice number.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. Sorry if it hurts your feelings, but I think that it is really too large. I think that you'd get a lot of people thinking WTF? the whole time because it is so large. Even Princess Kate didn't have that many attendants. I would take some time to really think it over, to select those who are the absolute closest to you, your very nearest and dearest. You don't have to include everyone that you feel that you love or are happy to have in your life.

saric83

Definitely don't worry about making it an even number!

How many guests are you inviting? 

Jbarnettej

I appreciate your opinions but OMG some of you are just rude. 

mbcdefg

Who was rude to you? I don't see any rude comments.

kipnus

My sister is having 9 bridesmaids and her FI will have 8 groomsmen. They will have three flowergirls. I think she's a bit crazy, (my FI and I will each have 4 attendants), but it's also very fitting for her. She's such a people person and has friends from different eras and places of her life. Her FI has 11 siblings.

At first, she was going to just have 8 bridesmaids, but there was one girl she kept thinking about, and decided to ask her anyway. As her FI pointed out, no one is going to notice that there are 8 on one side and 9 on the other--it will just look like a lot of people on each side!

graysquirrel

OK, I will take back the WTF comment, but I stand by my reasoning that it is too large and that people could side-eye it.

owengirl996

Well, your topic is "too many?" so my answer is yes!

Normally I wouldn't criticize the size of someone's wedding party (at least not to them lol) but you did ask!

Since you haven't mentioned it to anyone yet, definitely sit down and think it over. The wedding party will just get a bit lost in the shuffle, and I doubt any one of them will feel very special (except maybe your MOH). Not everyone needs a role in your wedding...some may just want to sit back and enjoy the day! If someone helps you out that's not part of the party, give them a shoutout at the reception. It will be much appreciated, I guarantee it.

My cousin just got married in October and while I was a BM, FI was not officially part of the wedding party. However, he was helping decorate and even organizing everyone like a DOC lol He (well, both of us) got a nice shoutout during the reception and it meant so much to both of us!

Anyway, don't feel obligated to include anyone! I almost did, but I stopped at 4 on each side. There is one friend I normally would have asked, but she's been in soooo many weddings (and is still single), so I decided maybe she'd like to just relax and enjoy a wedding for once, instead of working.

cebrady89

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2aeffea6-f5c8-4e69-8c09-650b97ab7983Post:ca68affe-72bb-4402-a0b7-4e0f7e02a9be">Re: Too Many?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too Many? : The OP is talking about having 29 people in her wedding party. (Count them!  Bride, groom, 11 groomsmen, 10 bridesmaids, 4 flowergirls, a ringbearer and a bell ringer!) My daughter's 6th grade class has fewer people than that!  <strong>No way would they fit in our church</strong>.  The largest wedding party I ever played for was 14, and that was a mess. <strong>I do question the OP's motives</strong>.  Why would anybody want so many people standing up in front with them?  The wedding photos would look like a class reunion! I do agree with you about the silly jobs.  I remember having to wear a silly white apron and help serve cake at my cousins wedding.  I did NOT feel "honored"!
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The church/site that the OP is using might be large enough that this number of people won't look ridiculous. Every location is different.</div><div>
</div><div>I don't question the motives of the OP: who are we to say that she isn't close with all of these people, and genuinely wants them as part of her wedding?</div><div>
</div><div>I agree - it's  large number of people. But I wouldn't question why so many people are part of the wedding party - I would assume the bride and groom just have many loved ones.</div><div>
</div><div><strong>OP: I would definitely think about who you want in the wedding. If you truly want all of these people involved, great. But I'd skip the guest book attendant, program person, etc. Those really are just busy work type things that many people don't really feel honored to be doing.</strong></div><div>
</div><div>Good luck!

</div>

sweetcanadian1979

I think that is way too many people, honestly these people will know you love them even if you scale it back to a more manageable #. 

We are spending over 1000 on gifts for 10 attendants (5 each) 3 sets of parents & a sister. I could not imagine the cost associated with that many people.