Seething...

aerinpegadrak

So, necessary backstory.  My parents got divorced around the time I graduated high school when we all lived in AZ.  I went to college in CA, Mom moved to CO and got married halfway through my freshman year.  Stepdad has three kids, two perfectly nice and polite daughters who I've met a couple of times, and an immature douchebag of a son who I've met a couple more. 

They were on our initial guest list, but once we realized that we had to make some drastic cuts and relocate the whole thing, I wasn't intending on inviting them.  A couple of months ago, Mom mentions that Stepdad's kids had been planning on coming until they found out it was a Friday.  "Oh," was my only response.  I thought I'd dodged a bullet there.

So yesterday, I sent a mass text to people for mailing addresses, because I'm klassy like that.  Mom and I talked for a bit, and then she drops this one on me:

Mom: btw [douchebag] wants to come with his new girlfriend
Me: I thought they couldn't make it...
Mom: (I cleared these out already, so I can't remember what she said here.)
Me: I'm not sure we had room, I hadn't planned on inviting [Stepdad's] kids because we're not that close.
Mom: we'll make room
Me: Honestly, I'm not sure I trust [Douchebag] in Vegas.  It just seems like a bad combination.

I didn't get a response to that.  The whole thing really upset me; I hardly slept last night because of this, so I was too tired to take FI to work this morning, meaning I couldn't get the car so I could run some necessary errands, including scouting AHR venues.  I'm wicked pissed.

Thing is, I know that Douchebag wouldn't be making the effort to come to my wedding were it still in Yosemite.  He just wants to go to Vegas.  And frankly, of anyone who might even be considered for an invitation, he's the only person who I wouldn't trust to behave like an adult and not get completely shiitfaced, make a scene, and terribly insult all of my friends.  I wouldn't worry about it if we were having a larger wedding, but in a hotel room with only 30-some other people, that's the sort of thing that's hard to ignore.

So, do I call Mom and lay it all out, or do I just let my last text be the end of it?  I'm tempted to compromise and invite him with no guest (I've never heard of this girl before yesterday, it's clearly not serious), in which case I'm sure he'd lose interest.  Ultimately, I just don't like him, and the thought of having him there has really upset me.

Cliffs Notes: Douchebag stepbrother is trying to talk his way onto the guest list, Aerin is ready to start strangling people indiscriminately.

emilyinchile

I might invite them with no guest and hope they don't come just to keep family peace. But clearly based on my last post (about the RSVP thing), I am currently on a "family peace" kick.

If you decide not to - which, if it won't cause a major rift with your mom, I think is totally valid - I'd call your mom and talk to her. I can see how it might put her in an awkward situation, so I think a phone call explaining the whole thing would be nice. Leaving things over text leaves a lot of room for interpretation on your mom/step-family's part. How does your mom feel about this kid anyway?

megk8oz

Invite them to the AHR, but not to Vegas, to me that's a fair enough compromise. Since you've been paying for most of it even though it was supposed to be an even 3-way split, I would just leave it at "Well, Mom, you know we couldn't invite everybody to Vegas, we had to cut a lot of important people doing things this way, but step-sibs are more than welcome to attend the AHR". Break out the bean dip if it comes up more than once.

Normally, I'd say "Oh just invite the step-sibs to Vegas to keep peace", but it sounds D-Bag wouldn't be pushing for an invite if you had the DW anywhere else, so I wouldn't give in. But I'm a bit of b!tch sometimes.

jeannigirl

Well thats a really tough one, however this is your wedding and your mom needs to understand that you are having a real small intimate wedding which only 30 guests are on this list. These are people that are the most important to you and your FI. She needs to understand that it isn't personal. 

You are paying for you and you have the say! Gl with dealing with this issue with your mom. Have a great wedding celebration.

megandjay

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_seething?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:35e3c859-3655-4c18-b96f-fa7c756438b6Post:2cd44d0a-57fa-44c8-95ec-4e96329b0989">Re: Seething...</a>:
[QUOTE]Invite them to the AHR, but not to Vegas, to me that's a fair enough compromise. Since you've been paying for most of it even though it was supposed to be an even 3-way split, I would just leave it at "Well, Mom, you know we couldn't invite everybody to Vegas, we had to cut a lot of important people doing things this way, but step-sibs are more than welcome to attend the AHR". Break out the bean dip if it comes up more than once. Normally, I'd say "Oh just invite the step-sibs to Vegas to keep peace", but it sounds D-Bag wouldn't be pushing for an invite if you had the DW anywhere else, so I wouldn't give in. But I'm a bit of b!tch sometimes.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. How old is step-bro? 30 is a very small wedding, maybe he has a wrong idea of what it will be like (maybe he has been watching The Hangover or something)...def do not add "and guest", if he really wants to come, I would probably extend an invite just to keep the family peace, but not for some random gf.

kgall786

Well if you do decide to invite him, I would draw the line with the girlfriend you have never met.  Maybe that will even discourage him to come.  If its a small wedding I think that is completely acceptable.