How do I fire my maid of honor?

deepcovejackie

OC--I think she might be a troll.  Read some of her other posts.

orangecrush32

That could explain a lot.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fire-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3733bbb5-46f2-4b36-bddf-128e3f06ee0dPost:ea142f01-2225-474a-a843-62f2d4f9995e">Re: How do I fire my maid of honor?</a>:
[QUOTE]then what is the point of the MOH? if its not to help you with the wedding stuff and wedding day. Look it up people why would I want to pay for a whole bunch of girls bouquets  and gifts just to stand next to me and watch me get married. They can do that minus the 100 dollar bouquet and gift from the audience like the rest of my family. This MOH crap has gotten out of hand and people have forgotten what their duties as an MOH are. Research. 
Posted by v1v10121[/QUOTE]

A BM position is not a bribe for unpaid labor.

As for research, you're yelling at women who have been MOHs and BRIDES.  Unlike you, we actually know what we are talking about.  We didn't have to read anything about it because we've lived it.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fire-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3733bbb5-46f2-4b36-bddf-128e3f06ee0dPost:82152793-4c42-4d37-be2e-82b0cab2b748">Re: How do I fire my maid of honor?</a>:
[QUOTE]OC--I think she might be a troll.  Read some of her other posts.
Posted by deepcovejackie[/QUOTE]

I preferred that last one who was pretending to be a spoiled bratty princess who was proposed to at Red Lobster.  This one is just...what words can I use that won't get me banned.........

deepcovejackie

I'm thinking all of those words now.  THISCLOSE to posting some of them.  Not worth getting banned for though!

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fire-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3733bbb5-46f2-4b36-bddf-128e3f06ee0dPost:83bd3deb-35d9-4874-828a-196da6a9e308">Re: How do I fire my maid of honor?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm thinking all of those words now.  THISCLOSE to posting some of them.  Not worth getting banned for though!
Posted by deepcovejackie[/QUOTE]

Think Banana would notice?  We've been telling OP how sleep deprived new moms are <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

deepcovejackie

Hmmm,,,,she could be napping...tempting.  AND I've had a few ciders...  Don't tempt me.  Bannation for me.

aerinpegadrak

The point of having a MOH--indeed, the point of the entire wedding party--is not to create a pool of unpaid labor who will dote upon The Bride.  The point is for the bride to honor her closest friends. 

You've currently got it backwards.  Once that's straightened out, and once you remember that you're supposed to be her friend and not her boss, things will probably go much more smoothly for you.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fire-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3733bbb5-46f2-4b36-bddf-128e3f06ee0dPost:6eb5ea4b-affa-4fde-811f-d4d676fc2751">Re: How do I fire my maid of honor?</a>:
[QUOTE]This person is a troll, and Banana needs to hit the ban button.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Is there any other mod who can do this?

LoveMuffins

Mmm... I have to respectfully disagree with a lot of the comments on here. While it is correct that the "duties" of a MOH are now more driven by the commercial aspect (such as planning the bridal shower, etc.), there's a reason that the girl chosen is singled out as the MOH. It IS expected that the MOH provide some kind of support, whether it be emotional, helping address invitations, whatever.

However, there seems to be a bigger problem with the friendship than anything else. I think you should call her and try to get together with her, and once you are ask her why she's been AWOL. If she won't get together, then just ask her over the phone. If she doesn't pick up, try again, up to three times and then leave a message telling her that you are hurt and concerned by her absence.

Personally, I DO believe that there are reasons to ask someone if they no longer want to be in your bridal party, and most of those reasons have to do with no longer being friends anymore. However, right now the bigger thing seems to be absence than any kind of aggression on her part. While this might be a passive way of trying to get you to kick her out, you need to take the wheel and make the first move to find out what's going on. Maybe something in her life has happened and she's been depressed, and doesn't want to talk about it or be social.  Maybe she just has no idea HOW to be a MOH. You won't know unless you ask.

If she apologizes for her absence, then I'd bring up the MOH thing and ask what she sees herself doing in that role. If she thinks it's just showing up on the day of, and you really feel like you need her help before then, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "Ok, well of course, but I was also hoping that maybe you'd be ok with helping me out before then too. I'd really appreciate your opinoin when I go dress shopping / I'd love help picking out the bridesmaid dresses / I wanted to get the bridesmaids together for a fun 'address the invites' day after which I'll be ordering pizza and we can have a girls movie night", etc. I don't think it should be a laundry list, but you shouldn't feel like you can't ask for help either.

"The duties of the maid of honor have been the same for centuries. In history, maids of honor were considered the best maids in a lady's house, as they attended to her every need in such a way that she wanted for nothing. As a wedding approached, a senior maid of honor was assigned to take care of the details, such as helping the bride with her gown and her bridal wreath. The maid of honor also helped the bride in preparing the wedding feast."
http://ezinearticles.com/?Maid-of-Honor-is-a-Long-and-Honorable-Tradition&id=1563465

Personally I think it's usually a terrible idea to remove a friend from the wedding party. However, if the friend is NO LONGER a friend... then why would it matter? It's up to you to decide if she's still a friend or not.

deepcovejackie

"The duties of the maid of honor have been the same for centuries. In history, maids of honor were considered the best maids in a lady's house, as they attended to her every need in such a way that she wanted for nothing. As a wedding approached, a senior maid of honor was assigned to take care of the details, such as helping the bride with her gown and her bridal wreath. The maid of honor also helped the bride in preparing the wedding feast." http://ezinearticles.com/?Maid-of-Honor-is-a-Long-and-Honorable-Tradition&id=1563465
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

It's been awhile since we've seen this gem.  Lurk more, really.

trix1223

"The duties of the maid of honor have been the same for centuries. In history, maids of honor were considered the best maids in a lady's house, as they attended to her every need in such a way that she wanted for nothing. As a wedding approached, a senior maid of honor was assigned to take care of the details, such as helping the bride with her gown and her bridal wreath. The maid of honor also helped the bride in preparing the wedding feast."
http://ezinearticles.com/?Maid-of-Honor-is-a-Long-and-Honorable-Tradition&id=156346

Great.  Actually, if you will search correctly, bridesmaids had nothing, nothing, nothing at all to do with being servants.  They were young women who were dressed exactly like the bride to try to confuse the evil spirits who, it was beliieved, attended weddings to cause harm to the bride and groom.

Hence the women all dressed in the same attire.  And their role was then, as it is now, solely to walk with the bride and stand around her during the ceremony.  It had nothing to do with being her servant.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_fire-maid-of-honor-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3733bbb5-46f2-4b36-bddf-128e3f06ee0dPost:603af145-bed4-44e9-b8cd-07f16afd05e8">Re: How do I fire my maid of honor?</a>:
[QUOTE]Mmm... I have to respectfully disagree with a lot of the comments on here. While it is correct that the "duties" of a MOH are now more driven by the commercial aspect (such as planning the bridal shower, etc.), there's a reason that the girl chosen is singled out as the MOH. It IS expected that the MOH provide some kind of support, whether it be emotional, helping address invitations, whatever. However, there seems to be a bigger problem with the friendship than anything else. I think you should call her and try to get together with her, and once you are ask her why she's been AWOL. If she won't get together, then just ask her over the phone. If she doesn't pick up, try again, up to three times and then leave a message telling her that you are hurt and concerned by her absence. Personally, I DO believe that there are reasons to ask someone if they no longer want to be in your bridal party, and most of those reasons have to do with no longer being friends anymore. However, right now the bigger thing seems to be absence than any kind of aggression on her part. While this might be a passive way of trying to get you to kick her out, you need to take the wheel and make the first move to find out what's going on. Maybe something in her life has happened and she's been depressed, and doesn't want to talk about it or be social.  Maybe she just has no idea HOW to be a MOH. You won't know unless you ask. If she apologizes for her absence, then I'd bring up the MOH thing and ask what she sees herself doing in that role. If she thinks it's just showing up on the day of, and you really feel like you need her help before then, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "Ok, well of course, but I was also hoping that maybe you'd be ok with helping me out before then too. I'd really appreciate your opinoin when I go dress shopping / I'd love help picking out the bridesmaid dresses / I wanted to get the bridesmaids together for a fun 'address the invites' day after which I'll be ordering pizza and we can have a girls movie night", etc. I don't think it should be a laundry list, but you shouldn't feel like you can't ask for help either. "The duties of the maid of honor have been the same for centuries. In history, maids of honor were considered the best maids in a lady's house, as they attended to her every need in such a way that she wanted for nothing. As a wedding approached, a senior maid of honor was assigned to take care of the details, such as helping the bride with her gown and her bridal wreath. The maid of honor also helped the bride in preparing the wedding feast." <a rel="nofollow" href="http://ezinearticles.com/?Maid-of-Honor-is-a-Long-and-Honorable-Tradition&id=1563465">http://ezinearticles.com/?Maid-of-Honor-is-a-Long-and-Honorable-Tradition&id=1563465</a> Personally I think it's usually a terrible idea to remove a friend from the wedding party. However, if the friend is NO LONGER a friend... then why would it matter? It's up to you to decide if she's still a friend or not.
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

To quote another reg (Tide...or was it Mel):

Bridesmaid as in maidens of days of yore.  Not bride's bitch for the day.

deepcovejackie

Retread, I was quoting Love Muffins post about the duties of a bridesmaid.  Under it, I said that we hadn`t seen that gem in awhile.  I am aware of the unreliability of Wikipedia and etc. I did not originate that post.   I don`t know where Love Muffin got that quote.

deepcovejackie

No worries.  I just didn`t want to be associated with the `my bridesmaid is there fo support me because it`s my daaaaaaay, dammit` type of mentality.  I`ve been trying gamely to stamp out that kind of thinking.

Manwaithiel

I have decided that the word "bridesmaid" is too confusing. I pledge that from now on, I will refer to them as "bridesmaidens" and "maidens of honor" just so there is no confusion about what they are for.

ETA: The way you "fire" someone is you give them a pink slip and send them on their way. I think you should totally try this with your MOH. See if you don't become the talk of the town.